I'm Krypton???

According to The Periodic Table Horoscope , I'm Krypton which incidentally has the scientific-I-forgot-what-it's-called name of KR. Hmm. What is it with me and the letters "KR"?? Whaha.. Anyway this is what it says:

Krypton, you appear as a colourless gas at 298 K, but despite this, your colourful personality and lively wit will win you many admirers this week. You will have a brief flirtation with fame, but is everything as it initially appears? Beware the Ides of March - all through the year. There may be moments when you are tempted to settle down with someone you don't truly love. Remember: Solid krypton is a white crystalline substance with a face-centered cubic structure, not anyone's second-choice date. Be true to yourself. Wash behind your ears. Stand up straight, for god's sake.

Let's dissect this point by point:
1) You appear as a colourless gas - Could mean that I need a tan. Which is true! I'm in desperate need of one.. I'm so pasty now.
2) your colourful personality and lively wit will win you many admirers this week. - It's already the end of the week! Where are my #&^%$ admirers??? Whahaha...
3) You will have a brief flirtation with fame - Huh? Fame for? Being the most stoned person in NUS at the moment?
4) Beware the Ides of March - all through the year - In the first place, the Ides of March only happens once a year - IN MARCH. (Note: according to the Roman calendar, each month has an Ides. But there is only ONE Ides of March.) Incidentally, Julius Caesar was supposed to have been assassinated on the Ides of March... Sooo... Are you trying to tell me something?? Haha..
5) There may be moments when you are tempted to settle down with someone you don't truly love - Errr.... Who ah? *shush Jemalelinh!!*
6) Solid krypton is a white crystalline substance with a face-centered cubic structure - So I'm square... and in desperate need for a tan.
7) not anyone's second-choice date - At the moment I'm not even anyone's first-choice date... :p

Yes... So aside from the horrific need for a tan, I will conclude that this horoscope is totally baseless and absolute nonsense and should only be used for purely entertainment purposes. Hmm... Actually I think that's what the author of the horoscope said... Oh well... Laugh on people.

God's Grace. And A New Perspective.

Last night I got so desperate that I e-mailed the Moose at 11.30pm to ask for an extension. I didn't have very high hopes though. I thought he'd turn me down immediately and refuse to mark my paper. So I prayed. And Jemalelinh and Nekoweenie prayed for me too. But this morning when I didn't see any reply, I thought it was all over. He wasn't even going to bother answering my inanely stupid request. So I just went over my material again, typed a bit and went to bake a cake for Felie's party tonight. Then at about 5.15pm, I opened my mailbox to confirm that the party was tonight and to look for a time (there wasn't... -_-") and behold! A reply from Moose. I took a deep breath... clicked.

I couldn't believe my eyes!!! He gave me the extension and he was REALLY nice about it! I was so shocked!! I thought that even if he gave me the extension he'd be nasty about it but he wasn't! He was really really nice!! Here's the e-mail exchange, starting with mine:

Dear Dr. S.,

First of all I want to apologise for e-mailing so late as I have been working desperately on the essay. However, to tell you the truth I have serious doubts about whether I can finish it in time, even if I were to hand in a hard copy by tomorrow morning. This is due to fault on my part entirely. Besides this paper, I had three other deadlines to meet which fell around the same time. Due to some very terrible time management, I ended up over-indulging in the first two papers and found myself pressed for time for the remaining ones.

I do not wish to hand in a sub-standard paper to you and therefore humbly ask if you would be kind enough to allow for a slight extension. I realize that the current situation is entirely my responsibility and will fully understand if you turn down my request or severely mark down my grade.

Thank you so much for your understanding and please accept my sincerest apologies.

Yours Sincerely
Van Su Mei
U02****N

The reply:

Van Su Mei,

If your paper is for me, not Professor Terada, I am happy to give you an extension without penalty to Monday (any time Monday). If you are not well or are very busy on Monday, I might consider waiting until Tuesday.

Dr S.

GOODNESS!!! Can you believe it??? This is the guy who's got an agenda against "abusers" of the English language and believes that all Singaporean students can't write proper English. God's grace is truly wonderful. Thank you Jemalelinh and Nekoweenie for praying for me. Your prayers and your friendship came through so clearly in my time of desperation. And I now have a totally new impression of the Moose! Maybe he's not just a stinking moose... Maybe like Nekoweenie suggests, he's a Fuzzy Furry Moose... (^_^)

Exhaustion

I can't write anymore. I'm so tired. I'm never going to make 2000 words by 8 am to hand in by 10am. I'll never make it. I'm so tired. I can't write anymore. I want to stop. Can I just stop? Please... I'll never make it.

The Price of Idiocy

Sigh. I haven't started any of my essays. Going to start now, of course. I just wanted to write this down first.

Earlier this evening, around 8pm, my mum just came home and she went upstairs to change. My sis had also only just got home and was doing goodness-knows-what on the computer. I don't know exactly what she said to my mother but it really pissed my mum off, coz I heard her yell that if my sis doesn't start studying, she'll pull my sis out of ACJC (which might not be an entirely bad idea. :p). But then when she comes down and sees me, she yells at me too, saying that my sis and I are exactly the same - Insisting on studying Theatre Studies when "you don't even know how write an essay!!". And I hadn't even said a thing... I couldn't understand why she brought up the TS issue coz it hasn't been an issue since I entered NUS 2 years ago. Still the essay remark struck hard. I really wanted to say something, but I didn't. I kept quiet, ate my dinner, went upstairs to my room, blasted the radio and locked the door.

Then I snapped. I started crying, threw some stuff around the room and decided (very childishly) that I would refuse to write my remaining two essays. After all, I don't know how to write essays right? So I won't. I won't write them, won't hand them in, I'll fail the bloody modules and get kicked out of bloody NUS and we'll see what my mother has to say after that. So I surfed, watched anime, binged (chocolate chips, a whole lot of chips and some bun) , watched TV... Basically I stubbornly did everything except work on my essays.

I finally cooled down. Around 2am. So now I'm even more pressed for time, because I threw a stupid tantrum over another tantrum. Such an idiot. Now I'm not even sure I can finish a 2-page essay for Genes & Society by 5pm, much less a 2000-word essay for Japan-China by Sat 10am. Sigh.

Silver Sliver

Don't I mean Silver Silver? No. Sliver. You know?? REALLY thin strip? Sliver. Ok... So don't I mean Silver Lining?? Nope. Sliver.

Mel Fann just called me to tell me that the Moose has "extended" our Japan & China deadline to Saturday morning if we're handing up a hard copy of the paper. I suppose it beats Friday 5pm. But seriously, who the HELL is going to wake up on a Saturday morning to hand up a f***ing paper by 9am??? I'll bet you the fat arse isn't even going to wake up until at least 10am himself. So why should anyone wake up 3 hours earlier then him just coz he says so??? Rrrrrrrrrrr... I'm sure moose is a regular meat in Canada or Finland or something... Roast him. But I suppose Jemalelinh is right... A small extension is better than none. Hence it is only a silver sliver of hope. No such thing as silver linings in my life. Bah.

Wanna know what I think is even more ridiculous? If we're handing in hard copies it's due Saturday morning. BUT! If we're handing in SOFT copies, it's due midnight tomorrow!! Waaat?? I don't understand. I don't understand it at all. Stupid Moose. Probably has the equivalent IQ of an actual moose anyhow. Combined with the fact that he's a male (somehow calling him a man seems like an insult to men, and that's saying a lot considering that I hate men at the moment) ... This guy doesn't stand a chance.

Mark of a Genius?

OH!!! One more thing. Remember the Genes & Society online assesment that I finished in 5minutes? I got the results back. And I have scored full marks.

Wahahahaha!!!

Bow to my immense superiority!! AGAIN!!! Wahahahah!!!

*no more screws to lose*

2nd One Down

Once again I have managed to survive an evil term paper and no longer have anything to do with it whatsoever. Whoever invented the notion of term papers should be shot and tortured and shot again.

The one that was just handed up was for Japan & Asia-Pacific Region. I love Japan, but I hate regional studies esp in terms of politics. Bah. Well.. That's over. Now in the Central Library waiting for Jemalelinh. I wonder if she'll find me before the scrap neutrons of my wasted brains turn radioactive and cause the rest of me to disintegrate into a puddle of goo on the floor. CL people will have a hell of a time killing up though... seeing as how the floors are carpeted. Wahahahahahaa...

Next war in line is with 2 essays simultaneously!! Both due on the same day. Bah.. Friday 5pm. In totally opposite faculties. Genes & Society and Japan & China. Zzzzzzz...

I will officially not be sleeping until Saturday. And then I shall proceed to fall into a coma until Monday. My brain is protesting like nobody's business. How to do two essays like that?? How? How?!? HOW???!!!

Product Quality = Product Loyalty

That's it. Never again will I use paper other than Double A paper.

No wonder goods manufacturers are so insistent on multiple quality checks. Assurance of consistent top quality products is THE best way to gain product loyalty among consumers.

I gave up on a-one paper a long time ago because the paper was just too light and multiple pieces kept getting caught in my printer feeder resulting in uneven prints or double sided prints with inconsistent page numbers and oft times a whole lot of wasted prints. Not to mention a big waste of precious precious HP ink (only because it's super expensive). Hence I started using Double A.

IT WAS PERFECT! It was heavy enough so there were no more multiple feeds, and it was thicker too. So It didn't look too flimsy when I had to print out term papers and the such.

Today I ran out of paper again. So I walked down to Popular@Thomson Plaza to go buy some. BUT!! Popular doesn't stock Double A paper!!! So disgusting. Or maybe it's just this particular branch. In any case, I walked out and went upstairs to Best Denki instead, thinking that an electronics specialty store might have a larger range of printing supplies. Turns out they were a bit too specialized... I could only find HP multipurpose printing paper. But I think, "Ok. It IS HP afterall. And the packaging does say that it's suited for deskjet printers. Quality shouldn't be a problem." So I bought a ream and went home. As I ripped the packaging apart and took out some paper, I could just FEEL the thinness. But still I thought, "Hey! It's HP. How bad can it get?"

Very bad, apparently. As I started printing out some material for my JS paper, the same old problem occurred. Freak. Wasted ink and wasted paper. Again! And with what is supposed to be a very established brand!!! Bah. So much for quality products.

Therefore... *raises right hand* I hereby swear my absolute loyalty to Double A paper.

Brain Dead

Done. I have finished.

One term paper. But hey!! That's one less paper to do!!! It was my American Law paper. Was writing it until about 8am and then I had to organize my biblios... I finally printed out the bloody thing at like 10.30am. Then I realized that I'd forgotten to add in one reference... But heck it. It was a minor one anyhow. And I can't be bothered to do anything else to the thing. I just wanna sleep. But I'm in school now waiting for Mich Chang to come along and finish hers, so we can read each other's essays before we finally hand it up to Chng Chuan Hoon. ZZZ... After this is lunch with Pukey at 2pm. Can I even survive until then? I think I'll just collapse along one of the corridors in arts. And no one will ever find me!! EEEEEEEE!!!!! .... That might be a good thing though... Coz if I'm missing then I wouldn't have to write anymore term papers rite?

*proceeds to lose a few more screws*

I Hate Kids

Wat the F***???

My sister's silly project group members just asked me if I could pose as "an imposing authoritative mother figure" for a picture to use in their project. What the F***???? And they didn't want to just wait for my sister to finish her tuition!? OMG. I tell you kids nowadays are just SOOOOOOOO irritating!

Hallo! My door is closed so obviously I DON'T WANT TO BE DISTURBED!! 4 TERM PAPERS!!! HALLO!!! Fine. Just now I did help them to find drawing block paper.. But that doesn't mean they should push the envelope!!! OMG!!! My sister is sooo going to get it... Ok well.. It's not entirely her fault. It's just her friends. BUT they are HER friends. IN OUR HOUSE. Learn the rules you incessantly babbling little shits.

I hate kids. BAH!!

WAR!!! (or not...)

FREAAK!! The weather is super nice for snoozing now.. But I need to write my FOUR TERM PAPERS!!! EEEEEEEKKK!!! Somebody save me!!! The weather is declaring war on me and my papers!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

Sleep...

TERM PAPER!!!

Sleeeeep.....

TERM PAPER!!!!

SLEEEEEEEEPPPP!!!

TERM PAPERS!!!!

SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!

TERM PAPER!!! TERM PAPER TERM PAPER TERM PA...Perrrrssssszzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

*flails helplessly*

"Half Pain" by Bana (Witch Hunter Robin)

覚えてか？この歌はあなたがくれた...覚える？

Half Pain
Witch Hunter Robin (End Theme)
Singer: Bana

例えば 何処まで 戻れば好い？
教えて。
全ては痛みを伴うほど鮮やか。

本当は
分け合えるものなんてないから、
振り返らなかった。

Fall into a light sleep 私に満ちる。
I don’t carry out 約束はやがて。
いつかの輝き捨てた
返れない朝の光のよう。

冷たい心のそばにいる世凍えて、
続きは拒めないらいほら浅はか。

着つかずにかけた感情
拾い集めて許しを求めたら。

Fall into a light sleep 一人の夜に、
I’m beginning to learn 悲しみの仕組み。
あなたの温もり隠し
溢れ出たその闇に怯える。

Fall into a light sleep 私に満ちる。
I don’t carry out 約束はやがて。
いつかの輝き捨てた返れない朝の光のよう。

Translation (From Animelyrics.com)

How far back should I have to go?
Tell me.
Everything is so painfully vivid.

The truth is -
We couldn't understand each other,
So I left and didn't look back.

Fall into a light sleep, it encompasses my very being
I never carry out my promises
So long ago, I threw away my brightness
And like the light from the morning sun, it can never return.

It lies beside this cold heart, frozen
So completely mindless that it persists forever

Numbly, I gather the remnants of my emotions,
And seek for redemption...

Fall into a light sleep, on a lonely night
I'm beginning to learn the designs of sorrow
The hiding away of your warm presence
Makes me fear the overflowing darkness.

Fall into a light sleep, it encompasses my very being
I never carry out my promises
So long ago, I threw away my brightness
And like the light from the morning sun, it can never return.

Speedy Weedy

I finished my Genes & Society online assessment in 4min 58sec. Wahahahaha!! *diabolical laughter* Bow to my immense superiority!!! WHAHAHAHAH!!!!

*Matrix-ducks all the hammers and heavy objects thrown by Jemalelihn, Aronwy and Nekoweenie who are all probably screaming at me to do my 4 term papers due next week*

Student Perk!!!

OMG!! OMGOMGOMG!!!

Did you know that as students of NUS we can actually access HUGE amounts of data from Euromonitor through the NUS library for FREE??? OMG!! And to think I spent so much time - too much - searching on the WWW for free info (most online market reports and databases have a price tag on them) when I could've just used the online databases in the NUS library!! Why didn't anyone tell me about this before??? OMG!!!

I must strive to become the nerd that I was in JC. Nerdification!!!

[Edit 5.44pm: EBSCO Research Databases too!!! OMG!!!!]

It's Sinking In

So now I know. The high that comes with retail therapy doesn't last forever. No wonder shopaholics exist. They can't let go of that feeling of elation when comes with HAVING. It's addictive. I can understand that now. Now that the numbness is starting to wear off, it hurts even more. I don't regret hooking up with Midori of course. Midori's cool and she was a good choice. But everything's just starting to register. And now that Jemalelinh has enlightened me as to exactly what's up with me, I can say... She's right. And I hate myself for feeling like this. I hate being sad. Hate being angry; being upset and I hate feeling hurt. But why the hell should I feel hurt in the first place? Do I even have that right, I wonder.

I'm starting to wonder if I owe you an apology. I'm starting to wonder if I overreacted and just used you as an excuse to vent my frustrations. I don't know if I'm feeling hurt because you can't understand it or because I can't even understand it myself. I really don't know why. That present is still in my cupboard. I don't know if I'll really just give it away but I know that it may never see the light of day again.

I'm being a git aren't I? OH PLEASE!! Just get over yourself Su Mei. ARGH!! I'm a git.

B'day Parties, Project Presentations and Retail Therapy

Horrible project presentation today. Absolutely horrible. The first two speakers from my group took so bloody long that there was practically no time to do the other 3/4 of the presentation. In the end the tutor cut us off and refused to let us continue. And he did it halfway through my already very very short segment too! I had barely spoken for 2 min... To make it more irritating, during the 2 minutes that I was talking (and I was already going at hyper-speed to make up for lost time and skipping a lot of good info) one of the initial speakers who took so long for her part kept poking me in the side to make me hurry up and kept skipping over my only 4 slides (with minimal points some more.. as compared to theirs... Bah.). So our last guy didn't even get a chance to do his part. Sad. Horrible. Argh.

On slightly brighter notes... It was Mel-Flipflat's 21st Birthday party yesterday!!! Wheeeeee!!! Was quite fun... Hung out with the Fwocers and gossiped and had very very nice catered food and very very nice homemade satay courtesy of Mel's mum! Then we also played some silly card/forfeit games that had damn farnee results and took some farnee pictures too. Hehehehe... A lot of gossip and bitching by the poolside. *evil laugh* Mel looked super super SUPER sweet in her pink dress and her new hairstyle. Combine that with the uber-pink handbag and organizer/wallet the Fwocers gave her and she was just SuperTai-Tai Mel. Whahaha...! Congrats Mel, you're on your way to becoming a full-fledged Tai-Tai! Heee!! The cake looked very pretty too!! It was a white key with... fluffy trimmings... Haha.. Dunno how it tasted though coz I had to go home to prepare for that horrible presentation. Ah well... Can do without the calories.. Keke...

OHHHH! And BEFORE the party (going in reverse chronological order here.. hmm)... Hehehehehehehehe...............

I have a "girlfriend" now. Her name's Midori and we've just embarked on a wonderful journey together. We met in Mango while I was shopping with Mel Fann after our project meeting in Millenia Walk. If I had a digital camera I'd take her photo and post it here. She's really beautiful and so warm. Brought her along to TaiTai Mel's party but she didn't socialise much. Met Felie and Mun and some of the guys but she was shy so she hid by the cupboards most of the time. I can't believe my good fortune. I've been so upset these two weeks and yesterday I was just really really down after falling out with certain people. Then Midori came along. What are the odds? Midori means green in Japanese! My fave colour and my fave culture!! *swoon* It's fate I tell you.

My blissful mood almost got flushed away when certain people suddenly showed up at the party despite saying they might not go. Was desperately avoiding contact at all costs and was starting to feel upset again. But then my darling Midori came and put her comforting arms on me. And all was right with the world again. *look of content* Introduced her to my parents just now and my mum really likes her. Yay!! People, I can tell you for sure - This is the one true relationship that I've been looking for. This one's for keeps. *floats away on a cloud*

Please Go...

Get out of my life. Just go. I don't know why I get so angry or upset at you but I don't think I can handle it. It's just annoying and very upsetting and distracting. Just leave me alone and go away. If you like, just see this as a favour to me. After all I guess it is partly my own fault. So I'm very very sorry. Really. But... Please, just go.

Worldwide Insomnia - Eason Chan

全世界失眠 - 陈奕迅
曲:陈伟 词:林夕

想起我不完美
你会不会
逃离我生命的范围

想着你的滋味
我会不会
把这个枕头变得甜美

想起白天的约会
忘了晚上的咖啡
只怕感情如潮水
远离我梦中的堡垒

一个人失眠
全世界失眠
无辜的街灯
守候明天

幸福的失眠
只是因为害怕闭上眼
如何想你想到六点
如何爱你爱到终点

想起我的时候
你会不会
好像我一样不能睡

想像你的暧昧
我会不会
数不到绵羊一双一对

如何爱你爱到终点

Translation:

Remembering how imperfect I am,
Would you run from the boundaries of my life?

Thinking of the way you smell,
Would this pillow become precious to me?

When I think of our date today,
I forget to drink my nightly coffee.
I’m just afraid my emotions will overflow
And break the fortress of my dreams.

I can’t sleep.
The whole world can’t sleep.
Unknowing streetlights await tomorrow.

Blissful insomnia.
I’m afraid to close my eyes,
’Cause then how can I think of you ’til 6am?
How can I love you ’til the end?

When you think of me,
Are you also unable to sleep?

Thinking of your ambiguity,
Does it make me unable to count sheep in pairs?

How do I love you ’til the end?

[12.18am Edit: I'm not too sure abt the counting sheep part... Any better translators? Shuhui?]

Overreaction?

Went for Jemalelinh's TS grad play last night at Black Box. "Twilight of the Golds". It was pretty good. The script was a great choice although a difficult one to do. But they managed to pull it off. Was most impressed by the guy who played the gay son (turns out he's really gay. hmm...) and Yin Mei who played the overreacting mother. The only thing I couldn't stand (besides not being able to hear one of the actors due his mumbling) was the sounds that carried over from the Fort Canning Green, where the annual ScreamFest was screening "The Eye2" and "Ginger Snaps". It was just irritating. At the most pregnant pauses in the play... "EEEEEEEEKKKK" Suddenly this scream will come out of nowhere... Spoilt the whole atmosphere...

But speaking of overreacting females... I'm wondering whether or not I'm one of them. I think - I'm still trying to decide - that I may have overreacted tonight. While I don't think I said anything cruel, I may have said some... Unnecessary things... But at the same time, isn't it customary and plain polite to first ask "Are you free on watever-day" before you ask someone to go out with you? Instead of just saying something like "I'll see you on watever-day"? Or maybe this person just... thinks differently; Or just has a different (strange) way of doing things. It wouldn't be surprising if it were so, considering... I dunno. Sigh. It just sounds so... assuming. Presumptuous even. Or maybe I really am overreacting. Sucks.

Why am I always doing this? Falling out with people at strange timings. I did it to Jemalelinh once (Remember?) and that turned out to be one of the times I most needed my friends around me. Now's not really one of those times but once again my sense of timing is just screwed. So now that "thing" is just going to sit in my cupboard and rot. I can already Jemalelinh rolling her eyes at me and semi-scolding "So you bought it for NOTHING?". Huh... Maybe I did. Maybe I'll just sell it off the next time MGS has a bazaar or if KR ever comes along doing garangguni. Nuts. I'm mad. I'm absolutely raving.

Jemalelinh, why don't I just give it to you? I'm sure D needs it more. *slouches off to a corner*

The Killing Thirst

This bites...

Here I am in the NUS Central Library and I find myself dying of thirst and with NO water bottle. Of all days I decide not to bring one because I'm lugging my laptop along to do work and there's practically no space in the teeny-weeny bag I brought instead of my usual shoulder bags. And as far as I know, everyone I know is either having class now or would be quite quite unwilling to come out of their rooms (or wherever they are) just so that they can bring me a bottle of water. Dammit. I don't really relish the thought of leaving my laptop here just so I can go down to the canteen or the Co-Op to buy myself a nice bottle of "Fresh Alpine!" (or so they claim) water. But I'm thirsty!! THIRSTY!!! *dry coughing*

*weak rasps* wa...wat..ter............ *wheeze*

Waaaah... vs. WAH!!!

Waaaahh...

Went back to KR tonight to watch Culture Night, and it was really good!! And I saw super super a lot of people whom I haven't seen for super super long and managed to have good long conversations with most of them instead of the usual "Hi! Long time no see, how are you? Ok Bye!" Am super super happy now!!! Weeeeeee!!!!! I'm so glad I decided to go back to visit!!! Lalala...! At least I don't feel overwhelmingly sad when I go back now. It feels more like... Class reunion.. Family reunion... That kind of thing. Hee hee!! Happy happy happy!! (^_^)

Now the "WAH!!!"...
My project group for Japanese Marketing has just realized that our presentation is on Monday (report due the week after) so we're having an emergency meeting tomorrow. Later today rather, seeing how it's technically Friday already. 1pm we're meeting. And I have absolutely NOTHING to contribute.... DIE. I will just go to this meeting and be shot dead by all my group members. (x_x)

I want to sleep... *sob*

YOU by Kazami

YOU
Samurai Champloo OST song
Lyrics by Lori Fine[COLDFEET]
Music by tsutchie
Featuring Kazami

Oh, you know
You know what to say
Say "I love you"
Oh, I think you've got to know right away
"Maybe me too"

You
You are a nice, cool breeze in me
I feel you blowing in
I can feel the sunlight all around me
You're shining

I feel beautiful when I'm around you
I'm safe and comfortable
'Cause you are wonderful
It feels natural to be around you
You've made it possible
You're wonderful

Oh, can I
Can I tell you why
Why I need you
Oh, my life
You made it a cloudless sky I can fly through

You
You are a deep, strong wind in me
I feel you - Come on in
Can you see the sunlight all around me
You're smiling

I feel beautiful when I'm around you
I'm safe and comfortable
'Cause you are wonderful
It feels natural to be around you
You've made it possible
You're wonderful

Ok.... Aside from the lousy - and very weird - English and horrible diction (a-lound vs around...) this is a very very very nice song from Samurai Champloo ep 17. If only my blog could sing. Damn I need to STUDY !! STUDY!!! STUDY!!!

Avoid Avoid

I'm avoiding XXX (something? someone? wldn't you like to know...)... I know why I started avoiding XXX. But sometimes I feel myself weakening and I start to question if I really have a reason to avoid XXX. It should be for the better, and that's the only reason why I persist in my avoidance (if there's even such a word). Arrgh... I need a shrink.

Why Melancholy??

I seriously don't know what's wrong with me these few days. Everyday when I wake up, I feel this slight twang of sadness. I wash it off in the shower and go through my day as always. But then I come home, I switch on my computer and again, that same feeling of sadness will hit me. And I find myself stuck listening to sad or soppy Chinese love songs! And they're the same ones over and over again!! And I'm not sure exactly what's bothering me... Cripes, I need a shrink.

At the moment my song-obsession is this new Japanese song by Rie Fu called "Life is Like a Boat". It's half in English and half in Japanese. Ever since I heard it, I've been playing it on my computer. I tried to look for a translation but all I could find was a transription of the song. In romaji no less so I couldn't really tell what the actual words were. But I've set out to translate it myself and it's not easy working on just romaji. It's got a really nice meaning. If I could I'd write it out here in what I think is the accurate kana but the last time I tried to put Japanese characters here, they turned into funny symbols. So again, there's no point in putting only the romaji version here and I'm definitely not done translating it. It's kinda sad, but kinda hopeful as well. I love it. I guess I could type out the English parts of the song, but I'll only do that if people really wanna know what this song is about. Else I think I'll only post it here when.. IF I actually finish translating it.

Lousy Weekend

Aside being ultra-unproductive, this weekend was just lousy because right now, my chest feels like its got a hard ball of lead inside instead of a heart.

A couple of stupid things happened and even more stupid words were said. The worse part is that I let myself get too affected by all of it. In truth they were probably just... Stupid specks of dust on the horizon. But I let those stupid specks become big blobs that blocked out the sun. Excuse the lousy analogies.

I can't help but wonder - Is it more self-centered to think that you can identify with another person's feelings? That what you feel from your own experiences equals that other person's; Or to insist that what you're feeling or going through is just different from other people, no matter how similar it might seem? Or is it really just a point of view? Or maybe we just say these things to comfort the other or ourselves, depending on whose crisis it is. Do I make sense?

I'm sorry I didn't say this to you over MSN, but I didn't know how to say or explain it. I really believe that what you're going through is different from what I'm going through. I can't explain it. I didn't choose to be that person's safety net, wittingly OR unwittingly. But I want out. I'm not sure I can take the mental/emotional assault anymore. Yet at the same time I'm not sure I'm strong enough to break away. I know that you'll probably argue... Try to rationalize, rather, that you're going through the same thing and you're feeling exactly the way I feel. I'm not going to argue with you. Simply because I can't argue with you. And I don't want to. How do you argue with someone who makes arguments for a living? You can't. So I won't. It's just different. I'm sorry, but it just is.

It just is.

Of Safety Nets and Failsafe Devices

It sucks being a safety net. Is it written somewhere on my forehead that I'm the emergency airbag that will break your fall each time you decide to crash and burn? I'm tired of being taken for granted. I'm sick of being that failsafe constant in your life. See me truely. Either acknowledge my existance as a separate identity from your own, or let me go.

Just let me go.

Can Siew Mais Be Oversteamed?

It.
Is.
Damn.
Freaking.
HOT!!!!

I'm going mad in this heat. Maybe that's why I'm off doing crazy things. Jemalelinh can testify. Bleah. Some more going to give up "The Visit of The Tai Tai" just to go back to KR to watch Culture Nite. But I DID promise Raymond. And like I told Jemalelinh, between Raymond and *cough* SOMEONE... I'd choose Raymond. Lalala. I'm biased. Hehehehe!!

Found out just how immature some people can be today when I accompanied Mel Fann to Concourse to get things for her play. We were on the topic of the personalities of certain people and she told me how a particular someone -- I'll call him Beast. Some of you will know who I'm talking about. -- was apparently pissed at me for revealing at a dinner gathering, AFTER he revealed it himself, that I'd known beforehand about his breakup and that I heard the girl's side of the story before his. His reasoning being that being in the same working committee for so long I was s'posed to be closer to him instead of the girl. And so he's pissed that I found out her story before his.

What the hell??

Ok. So I did let out to everyone at the dinner that I knew about the breakup, but I INSIST that I only did so after - AFTER - Beast announced it himself. And for the record, my 'revealing' wasn't an 'announcement'. It was just a normal, "Yeah. *nod*" And the rest were like, "Huh?!? You knew already? Why you never say??" Beast was like.. Shocked that I knew...

Furthermore, it wasn't as if I went all out to find out what happened. Please... I'm not that boliao and I wasn't even close to that girl during that point of time. I found out by accident coz she just happened to be in the room of a friend I went over to visit, who happens to be this girl's best friend. They were talking about it when I popped into the room and I just got pulled into the whole conversation. In any case, what's the logic of I'm supposed to be closer to him therefore I should've found out his side of the story first?? Where's the logic in that???? And you're PISSED at me for knowing beforehand that you broke up?? I'm not about to take sides just because you're my friend you know. Well.. Supposedly my friend anyhow. OMG. This just brings guys and immaturity to whole new levels. Is it any wonder why I can't bring myself to fully trust men? For Pete's sake!! Grow a BRAIN!!

ARGH! MEN!! *pui*

Sucker!!

Damn... I'm such a sucker for subtle romances... And when it's a tragic romance, you've got me good.

Why do I always fall for the anime character who's walking on the edge of good vs. evil?? I need help.

Cinema Cinema Cinema

Sometime ago I posted a Movie Wishlist... Never actually got to watch any of the movies on that list although Shuhui and I ended up going to watch 2 other movies (13 Going On 30 and Seeing Other People) after that anyway. Heheh. But anyhow here's my latest Movie Wishlist. Hopefully I'll get to watch at least one before the exams.

Movie Wishlist:
1) 2046 ***** (TOP PRIORITY!! Wahaha!! Tony Leung and Kimura Takuya!! *drool*)
2) Sky Captain ****
3)....

Actually the rest don't matter. I just REALLY wanna watch those two movies. *crosses fingers* Die die must watch 2046.

Oooh! Added a couple of things on the Wishing Icicle. Bored people can go have a look. Wahaha...

What Possessed Me...?

I can't believe I did what I just did. I can't believe it.

Slap me, Mars!

New Section

I've added a new section on my sidebar called "The Wishing Icicle". Basically my wishlist. Was going to call it "Christmas Desires" initially but felt that it didn't really work with the theme of my whole blog. If anyone has a better suggestion, do tell me... I'll treat you to an ice milo or something.. Heheh..

Just felt like adding it to my blog. Don't really expect anyone to buy me any of the mentioned wishes, although I suppose I don't mind if you do. Hahaha! But more than anything it's just a little extra ranting that reveals the workings of my strange little mind... I think. Oh well. Take a look, have a laugh or just keel over from the absurdity of it. Heh.

Satisfaction

I got a B for my AS3213 mid-term!! This despite not finishing writing and not really studying except for the night before. *Big smile*

It's looking goooood... :D

Return of The Sleepless Nights

Tasks for Monday 11 Oct:
1) Finish AS3213 proposal [DONE]
2) Prepare for AS3213 presentation [Semi-done]
3) Prepare for JS2227 presentation
4) Prepare for JS2225 tutorial
5) Prep for JLPT 4 revision class

Well now... One down... Four to go. ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..........

[Edit note: It just occured to me that in the previous entry "Party Deja Vu"... That's the first time I've actually mentioned Guowei's name in my blog... Ever. Oh well. Now everybody knows. :p]

Saint Siew Mai

I am feeling absolutely justified.

I went to the gym today and I ran on the threadmill!! Only for about 10minutes lah but WAH!! It's been so long since I ran. Think the last time I ran was before I went Japan. After that well... One thing after another. But TODAY!! Ok so my ankle staged a rather big protest after that but I felt WONDERFUL! So I finally went back to my usual 30min cardio before weights training. Woo hoo!!!

Bring on the killer cakes! I'm not afraid of you!! Wahahahahahahaha!!!!

I feel so saintly now. *look of smug content*

Party Deja Vu...

Went to Mel Fann's 21st B'day party last night. Said a lot of crazy things and did a lot of crazy things and er... *ahem* did a couple of kinky things... Ok perverts not THAT kinky!! Jeez... Hahaha.. Anyhow it was fun. And the cake was GOOOOD!! Regent Hotel cake wor... Dun play play... Heh.

'Twas a good break from school stuff. Though there were a couple of unexpected (but by no means unpleasant) surprises...

1) Saw Jasmine again after too long!! I'd kinda forgotten that she and Mel were friends. The last time we met up was the Marche outing that we had when Debz was back for the hols. I suppose being in different faculties which are like miles away from each other plays a big big factor but MY GOODNESS!!! Is it really so hard for a bunch of old pals to meet up for lunch or something? Come to think of it I haven't exactly seen Pukey since before the mid-term break and I haven't seen Sharon for a while either. EEK.. Must start planning regular lunch/dinner/study dates again. Else I don't think I'll ever get to see these people until Sharon's engagement party. Gah.

2) Second thing wasn't exactly a surprise I guess. It was more of "woah... deja vu..". Met a fellow there who reminded me so much of two people. The first person... Won't mention his name for various reasons. :p But this person, call him X, kinda set the standard in some way. He's not someone I ever had feelings for. We were just always good friends but he's just become one of the more important guys in my life. And I think if I ever fell for someone he'd be something like X. Which brings me to the second person that I was reminded of.

Guowei.
***Warning: Stop reading now if you wanna be spared a lot of whining and nonsense and mush. Yes. Mush.

I know I know. Aren't I supposed to be over him by now? Yes, I am. But hey! I'm entitled to some nostalgia! Anyhow. Party Boy reminded me of Guowei as well. Not a bad thing but not necessarily a good thing as well. Guowei was the first guy I actually thought I could have a serious relationship with, which is saying a lot. I mean yeah I've had serious crushes before but he was different. You know how with the normal crush guy you just kinda get excited or flustered when he's around, and your heart's beating like crazy? Well. I didn't get excited with Guowei around me. I felt calmer. I felt glad. I felt... The world's ok. Coz how could it not be? And my heart didn't beat like crazy. It beat just fine. Ok well, there was crazy beating when people asked me about it but never with him. He wasn't exactly like X but they had some very similar traits.

And now imagine: Party Boy's like BOTH of them. My mind (and stomach) was just reeling. I wouldn't say I was like fatally attracted or anything but I did want find out what this guy was all about. Yet at the same time I wanted him to just disappear. I wanted nothing to do with him. It was kinda confusing. Still is actually. I still can't help thinking about what kind of person he actually is. Haven't stopped thinking actually. I hope I never have to see him again.

*Yawn*

-JS2227 Japan and China Lecture with Terada Takashi.
-Big improvement from Moose, but still incredibly yawn-able.
-Lt 14. Damn cold. Sensitivity to extreme temperatures kicking in. Can't breathe. *gack*
-Improvement in the ankle area though still cannot sit cross-legged, rotate ankle or do funny gymnastics. Going down the stairs requires some amount of skill
-Am super stoned and lazy and that's why am writing in point form today instead of usual paragraphs. zzz
-Have a rather mentally-confused person sitting next to me. Mel Fann is alternately wanting to snore (at the lecture) and laugh (at my antics).
-Have totally lost Terada and no longer know what he is talking about. Mebbe I shld be attempting to pay some attention.
-There goes my Flamenco lesson tonight. Dammit.
-Surely one hour is more than enough attention for Terada. Or any other lecturer for that matter.
-30 min more to freedom and to the end of another $10 as I take a cab home. *sob sob*
-Conclude that sprained ankles are a conspiracy of taxi drivers to earn a lot of money.

Viral Fever... Abscess... Now...

AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Today is just not my day.

First of all there was the American Law mid-term, for which I only studied a couple of readings, so I was just crapping my way through the whole thing. But I can live with lousy mid-terms.

Nooo... The wonderful part is this - I was up until about 3am studying for this thing before I went to bed. But I COULDN'T SLEEP!!! No matter what I did! ARGH. So I got up again at 6am disgruntled and slightly harrassed. Did the entire mid-term with my brain half-covered in wool. Bah.

And the Even More Wonderful Part!! On my way to my paper, I walked across one of the carparks and tripped on one of those holed tiles they usually put in outdoor carparks. So I fell into the stupid hole and sprained my ankle. Well... At first I thought it was just a slight sprain coz it didn't hurt that much after the initial sharp pain. So I carried on my usual business. But as the day dragged on, my ankle continued to swell and swell and soon I was limping to my Japan & China tutorial. Turns out it's a sprain-sprain. Hurumph..

Now comes the absolute icing on the cake. After tut, I go down to the canteen with Mel Fann to her TS meeting.

And then I slip down the stairs.

MID-TERMS!!! AAAAAHHHH!!!!

Yuck. It's that time of the semester. Essays due, project updates due, presentations due, mid-terms.... ARGH!!! I hate it. Bah! Just had one mid-term today for Genes & Society. I mean... Ok... So it was MCQ... By right it should've been a breeze.

NOT!

The questions were damn cheem. And I don't remember any of the handouts having any of those cheem terminology inside. Bah. But it was quite farnee lah... Coz in the end, Belle, Evange and me just ended up faking all the answers.. Hehehehe... And I tell you.... It would've been SOOOOOOOO easy to cheat (not that I did... REALLY!! I didn't!!) coz there were so many pple in the LT that we were told not to leave spaces!! We could've just shared answers and they wouldn't have known!! I dunno WHY they didn't think about that or why they didn't think to split the lecture group into different test venues. I thought that's what's usually done when the group is too big. Tsk. Funny Science people.

One more mid-term on Monday. Argh. American Law. Argh!! Essay format. ARRGH!!!!

AC stint will be over tomorrow!!! YAY!!! *throws confetti* No more impulse favours!! Begone!!!

New Skin!!

Got a new skin!!! Had to do a lot of customising though... Took me super super long.. Bleah... There's got to be a faster way to do this...

Test test

Just registered with ImageShack(TM) which is a free image hosting site. Apparently I can upload an unlimited number of images as long as each image is no larger than 1024kb.. Hmmm... Well... I just uploaded a picture I drew some time ago. So let's test out the link they provided for a thumbnail pic... It should appear small and when you click on it, a larger version should pop up. Let me know if it works...



Now... I just need to find a new skin....

More Quizzes!!! Queen Bummer Strikes Again!!!

You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying.

"And The Vampire was all that remained on
the blood drowned creation. She attempted to
regrow life from the dead. But as she was
about to give the breath of life, she was
consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the
cycle began again."

Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek)
and Isis (Egyptian).
The Vampire is associated with the concept of
death, the number 9, and the element of fire.
Her sign is the eclipsed moon.

As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic
individual. You may be a little idealistic,
but you are very grounded and down to earth.
You realize that not everything lasts, but you
savor every minute of the good times. While
you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you
have strong ties with people that will never be
broken. Vampires are the best friends to have
because they are sensible.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Woah... I knew I was morbid but this takes the cake!! How true do you guys think these quizzes are?


What Is Your Animal Personality?
brought to you by Quizilla

Bwahahahhahah!!!! I like... :D:D:D


You have a Lost Soul. No one is really sure what
that can always mean, because it can be defined
in many ways. As Legend goes, lost souls were
the spirits of passed away people who are
neither in heaven nor hell. They walk the
earth, brooding mysteriously, always appearing
when you expect it least. So hence, if you have
a Lost Soul, then you are probably very
insecure and shy. Stuck in your own little box,
you watch the world fly by as a loner. You dont
know your place. You seemingly dont have a
place in society or an interest. You are a very
capricious person, and are confused and
frustrated about where you belong. You crave
for the sense and feeling of home-but have not
obtained it yet.


What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
brought to you by Quizilla

Ok... I have to say that this one is one of the most true... To me at least.... I'm freaked.

Quizzes Galore!!!

I'm a BUM!!! Except for a few Genes & Society webcast lectures and handouts, I have effectively done NOTHING this entire recess week! This is TERRIBLE!!! OMG!!! I need HELP!!! But I'm so DAMNED LAZY!!! Craps, I tell you. I shall attempt to force my nose back into my readings and work. But not before I post some quiz results... GAH!! I'm A BUM!!!!!


You're a Winter. You very much enjoy your time
alone but do like other people's company
sometimes. You just need your space. You have a
few priviledged friends who saw past your
colder exterior to find the true you. You can
have pretty bad mood swings (though you hate to
admit it) so you could be soft one second then
storming around the next! But over all, you're
a very pleasant person once people take the
time to get to know you. You're a good friend
for in-depth talks. You're very talanted when
it comes to creative things.

What season are you? (pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Cool... I like winter... :D

I am The Lovers The Lovers often refers to a relationship that is based on deep love - the strongest force of all. The relationship may not be sexual, although it often is or could be. More generally, the Lovers can represent the attractive force that draws any two entities together in a relationship - whether people, ideas, events, movements or groups. For a full description of your card and other goodies, please visit LearnTarot.com

What tarot card are you? Enter your birthdate. Month: Day: Year:

Er... *dot dot dot*

Congratulations you are Harry Potter!


Harry the boy who lived. Keeps getting illusions of Voldemort. Known for trouble with Malfoy. A brave Gryffindor!:)

What Harry Potter character are you?

Me? A Harry Potter?? I'm flattered... but I always thought myself as more of a Ron Weasley... Or a Neville Longbottom.

You are Sweet and Innocent
You're style is quiet and cute. Guys notice you more often then you notice them, but your relationships may tend toward platonic friendships. You tend to shy away from serious relationships and spend more time alone or with your friends then you would in the back of a movie theatre snuggled up with your sweetie.

What kind of flirt are you? **with pics**

I dunno abt the sweet and innocent part... But the last sentence is quite true...

Cheap Thrills

Hung out with Jemalelinh today after getting my dressing changed. It was fun. :D Had lunch, gossiped, had our brows plucked... Cheap thrill... Heheh!!! It was just cool hanging out after so long. Was very tempted to buy the 3 books by Banana Yoshimoto that I saw in Borders while I was waiting for Jemalelinh. She was in there for 10 min before she realized that I was already there. Why you so blur? :p Hehehe.... She found some nice shirts in Far East that had prints of Jesus and Mary and the captions "Christ/Mary is my Homeboy/girl" which were pretty cool. The shocker is that they cost $60 a piece!!! And for some unknown brand!!! Eeeks! How can a simple t-shirt like that cost $60???? It doesn't make sense!!

Wound was oozing a bit more today. Dunno why also. Changed dressing this morning and by afternoon the dressing was stained already. Yesterday was relatively dry though. Can't figure out why it started oozing again. So me mum changed the dressing again for me. Apparently Guardian (and I think all other commercial pharmacies) sells disposable basic dressing packs!! So interesting. Each pack comes with sterile plastic tweezers, gauze and adhesive dressings, and of course a sterile plastic tray if you need to use saline or any kind of solution. You could set up a mini-clinic anywhere with that and a basic first aid kit!!

So cheap thrill. Heh.

Scratch Scratch Scratch

Ok. There's very little pain left although the stupid dressing itches like nobody's business. Mainly because it's a water-proof dressing. *resists urge to scratch* I have to go down to Uncle Abu's clinic everyday now just to get the dressing changed. Wound needs to be cleaned and freshly dressed everyday because they can't sew up the wound even though it's like 1,2cm deep. And they can't sew it up because it was an infected wound to begin with. So I've got to wait for it to slowly close by itself. Sigh... *slaps hand away from leg*

Went down to Pyaess to register for the JLPT 4 exam and to sign up for revision classes. Really really hope I remember enough of my Jap to pass. Lalala. Evange signed up for the Level 3 exam even though she's at Level 2 standard. She says she's not confident of passing Level 2 yet. I'm just rolling my eyes. Seems like I'm taking a lot of exams this year. NUS, 5 exams. Dance Circle Studios, Flamenco Prepatario exam; and JLPT 4 exam. Egads!!!

Just occured to me that the one week break is passing by really quickly and I haven't gone out to have fun yet. ARGH!!! I wanna go out!!! Wanna go play!!!!

*grinds teeth to resist scratching*

Pain, Pain... More Pain??

I swear... If this thing gets any more painful I'm going to ask Uncle Abu to amputate it for me... Ok maybe I won't but I sure will ask drugs powerful enough to make it feel like there's no more leg. Gah!! Now I know why some people can get addicted to painkillers.

Haven't called Miche even though I've more or less recovered from that viral fever. Which is just as well I guess. I might just collapse in the middle of her rehearsal from the pain in my leg. But I guess I should. I did say I would help. Lalala... But I feel so lazy now, don't really want to go back to hang around a bunch of ACJC drama kids. There ARE other alumni... but the only one from my batch is Nicole Kwan... And well... It's Nicole Kwan.... bleah. Would rather hang out with other nicer friends like Pukey or Jemalelinh (whom I haven't seen for a while... Coffee?) or the FWOCers. But I guess I do owe Miche a call... Sigh...

Missed the E Block supper on Friday. Mainly coz I was still nursing sore leg and was still coughing a bit. Wonder how that went and who went back. Hmm.. Well... There will be other suppers to invade.

Had steak dinner!! Very happy despite very painful leg. Haven't had steak for yonks. Jack's Place still a very very good steak house. Nyum...

Going to see Uncle Abu tomorrow morning about the leg. Prob going to take out the wick (gauze that he stuffed into the wound.) and patch up the wound. Not sure what purpose the wick serves.... Anyone care to render a guess?

Owwwwww!!

'nuff said.

Ow.

Painkillers.... Kill Me....

I was given Ponstan for the pain that was my abscess. My *ow. hold on. ow.* My dad tells me not to take more than... was it 2 every 6hrs or 4 every 6hrs... Whatever. In other words, take it only if I have to.

Somehow I think I'm going to need more.

Post-Surgery

Well... I'm back at home. Had to change the dressing once already coz the blood soaked through my jeans. Would've created a great hoo-ha if I'd gone to school I can tell you...

Anyhow. Took a cab down to Mt. E Hospital just now since it was raining cats and dogs. Reached early so decided to drop by Mummy's office first in hopes that she'd escort me up to Uncle Abu's clinic later. Unfortunately she was being harrassed by some surgeon over the phone, so I had to go up all by my lonesome self. Luckily the nurse in the clinic was sort of a familiar face, just one I haven't seen in like 7 or 8 years. Could barely recognize Lilian. 5min later, Papa shows up (finally!!!) and Lilian talks him into giving me the first shots of local aneasthesia. The silly man was going to abandon me and go drink coffee in the doctors' lounge!! GAH!! Where's the justice I ask you??

So my own father pricks me in at least two places around the horrid abscess, which now looks like it's the size of an ugly purple eye-ball or something and declares that he's going to go drink coffee anyhow. GAH!! Of course, Uncle Abu steps in just then and he's got to stay coz Uncle Abu tells him to. HA!! Darling daughter and all, you see... Deprived him of coffee! Hurmph! I mean... Of course I'm edgy about it!! How often do you think I go around getting abscesses removed??? It's a minor surgery sure but STILL a surgery!! Egads!!! But Uncle Abu was nice. Kept reassuring me the whole time. Even kept asking me why I looked so worried. "No need lah!! Small thing only!!" Yeah right....

So he pokes me again in at least another two places with some more L.A. and then with a "Ready?", cuts open my abscess. Even he's confounded as to how come I've got such a huge abscess near my groin. But he agrees with Papa that it looks like a lymph node that got infected. But how in the first place??? No one knows. Not even me. So apparently there was a whole lot of pus and blood and he had to scrape a whole lot more out of the wound. Then he washes it out with saline and he and Lilian patch it up with a gauze dressing. Done. Very little pain, except the first few pokes with the needle. And I could feel him scraping. Very weird feeling.

So I got cut, scraped and patched up. Thanked everyone, made an appointment to see Uncle Abu again on Monday and went off into Guardian with Papa to get extra dressings and saline solution. Then the blood oozed through my jeans.

One ugly purple eyeball gone and still so much drama. Tch...

The Epilogue

Gah... I guess the "Sick Siew Mai" isn't really over yet. My dad just called me to tell me that I've been scheduled to go remove the abscess. Basically it's still a surgery of sorts. Although it's fairly simple and should be outpatient. I'll be out of there as soon as they patch me up. Uncle Abu's going to be the one doing it. So gross... Not Uncle Abu, the process... They got to cut open this thing and scrape the stuff out. SCRAPE!!! Ewwwwwwwwwwwww.... Wonder why they call it lancing. Everytime I hear "lance" in the medical sense, I think of quick cuts. *Swish* It's over. Gah.. Now I know better. Slow... PAINFUL process... Sounds like it anyway. Appointments at 3.15pm. GAH!! I'll let you guys know how it turns out.

Good news? I get to miss the Moose again. *does a little dance*

They Pricked Me On Me Arm...

Gah!!

My mother made me go for a blood test today at Mount Elizabeth. Think they took about 60ml worth. They took two tubes. Gah! Was expecting to see some abnormalities what with the abscess and all, but I went home before the test results came. They'd give it my mum first anyhow. Lala...

So tonight she comes home with the test results. And true enough... There were some abnormalities...

Abnormalities that are usually tied in to viral fevers or fevers caused by normal viral infections.

Hahahah!! Scared you guys didn't I? HA!!! Okok... Sorry!! Can stop hitting me now!! Anyway. Yes. I'm fine, save for the abscess which is still there albeit a bit more painful than yesterday. The only reason why I went for the blood test anyhow is because this round of infection was more serious than usual I think. And plus the abscess made things suspicious. So my white blood cells are a little low and my lymphosites (or lymphowatchamacallits) are a little high. But that's due to the virus and shouldn't really mean anything significant.

Hee... Sorry if I scared anyone. But I'm really all ok now. Still coughing a little but fast on the mend. Anyhow I guess that brings an end to the "Sick Siew Mai" chapter. All that's needed now is for that stupid abscess to go away...

One More Thing

OH!!! And the GOOD NEWS is that my appetite is back! :D:D:D

Lalala...

Added Drama!!!

Well now. As if a dengue scare isn't enough. Oh... Don't worry about that. My fever's going down for good it seems, and the constant headaches are gone save for some sharp aches that last a second or two. Even the sore throat seems to be getting better. Still coughing though. Bah. But it seems the whole drama of me being sick isn't just going to end like that.

It seems that I have also developed a rather large abscess on my thigh. Actually it's right smack on the joint area connecting my thigh to my groin. It's looking PURPLE and UGLY and ANGRY. Ergh. My mum took one look and immediately her face took on the doom gloom guise. Threw anti-biotics at me and scolded me for not telling Sylvia when I went to see her. Or for not saying anything earlier for that matter. See... This thing appeared around the same time I fell sick. That would be Friday. I just didn't think it was such a big deal then. Anyhow. She then proceeds to remind me that this was the same thing that gave my grandmother her septicimia which... well... old history.

Anyhow she chided me and chided me and gave me whole lots of anti-biotics and tells me to be careful coz this thing kills. And to tell her immediately if it gets any bigger. I think that means I'd have to get it lanced (or lacered.. whatever it's called). EEK!! Isn't that what they do for cutting of warts??? Yucks. It better not get bigger. I'll whip it into submission...

Anyhow don't worry about me. I'm fine. It's just a tiny glitch in my matrix. Should be up and about no time at all. ;)

What The Doctor Told Me...

GAH!!

Couldn't make it to school again today. Woke up this morning and felt so totally WRETCHED. As I told Mel (Fann.. not Flipflat), I looked at myself in the mirror and thought I looked like a damned pontianac. And the mirror didn't crack... It ran away and jumped off a cliff. I was so UPSET!! I was really feeling better last night. I even went out with my family and ate something for the first time in two days! Stupid fever and headache ambushed me.

So finally I asked my dad to take me to his friend Sylvia's clinic to get an MC to show for it. I know... Both my parents are doctors, why do I still need to go to someone's clinic to get an mc??? Because silly old NUS is very nitpicky. Any educational institution is anyway. Letters from parents who happen to also be specialists may not cut it. It's happened before. Very stupid.

But what Sylvia said to us was quite shocking for me. I was surprised already when the receptionist took my temp and it measured 38.8. Then inside... The whole meeting was like a reunion of friends... My dad and Slyvia catching up and oh incidentally there's a sickie here... sheesh... But it was amusing. ANYHOW. The moment Slyvia heard that I'd been sick since Friday her whole face changed. Then she told us it might be dengue. Of course my dad as usual takes a nonchalent appraoch. Waves it off and says something like, dengue at most just go and monitor blood platelets lor! I didn't do it there but inside I was rolling my eyes at him. Trust my dad to say something like that. But it's true lah. When you're inflicted with any viral infection, even something as bad as dengue, there's not much you can do. Viral infections can't be treated with medicine. So Sylvia tells me to monitor myself for the next few days. And if nothing changes, go for a platelet test. Gah! Needles in my arm. *pui*

The good side is that I got a 3-day MC. So I validly missed the Moose again today!! Yippee!!! *Kaff kaff kaff* GAH!!

ARGH!!

I feel like shit.
Throat hurts.
Dun wanna talk... Coz it hurts...
Dun feel like eating... Coz it hurts to swallow...
I feel like shit.

Hit Hard... By Something

I'm sick.

Of all the #*%@#&^! things to happen... I'm sick. And on my free day too!! Well... It was only free because Terada is out giving a speech somewhere else in the world. But the point is that I was free!! And I had to fall sick.

I don't think it's the flu. Coz my nose is quite quite clear. But I've got a damned headache, a dry throat (includes coughing) and was feeling cold in the day while my maid was complaining that it's a very humid day. And now at night I'm feeling hot!

*groans under weight of head*

Something is wrong with me... Very wrong...

KILLER ANTS!!!

Ants have attacked my hamsters' food!!! HELP HELP!!

I was actually going to write something else in this entry but I forgot what it was....

OH!! I remember now... I've got a phantom virus in my computer. My anti-virus keeps telling me that I have some trojan.swizzor.a dunnowat in my D://systeminformationdunnowatdunnowat and tells me to run AVG for Windows if I want to get rid of it. So I've run it for the third or fourth time within two days and the report still comes out clean! No viruses found!! But the $%*&#(@#% warning still keeps popping out!!! Dunno what the f*** is going on... Irritating... BAh!

Just came back from watching Bourne Supremacy. It's quite good actually. Maybe now I shall go and watch Bourne Identity. Heh. Also bought two sets of anime DVD. Hee hee hee... Both are quite old animes but good ones. Noir and Jin-Roh. Lalala!! Very happy!!! Spoilt by only two things: the phantom virus; and...

Ants are attacking my hamsters' food. -_-zzz

Carbo Ban

My trainer has banned me from eating carbohydrates. Especially after 6pm. *sob* Goodbye my favourite fresh bread! Farewell staple rice!!! Adieu, adieu, adieu! *sob*

Also been banned from curry puffs. *huge wailing*

YUM!!

Lalalalala....!

Ginger crab and oatmeal prawns for dinner!! Yum yum yum!! Lalala!!!

My little cousin is SOOOOOO CUTE!!! Hee!!!

Emotional Sadomasochist

Super sleepy. But I had to write this blog.

Before I go on to the "main" topic, I have to say... I cannot believe that I crashed Pukey's philo film viewing to watch Alien. ALIEN!! I usually avoid all Alien or Predator films. It was scary. *whimper* Bloody too... And gross. Let's not forget gross. Who knew any living thing could drool non-stop like that? Not just buckets, I think. It was drooling WHOLE swimming pools!! Yeurgh...

Anyhow. After Alien was a nice turn around with the Anime Club's screening of Juuni Kokuki (Twelve Kingdoms). So much more relaxing than seeing aliens popping out of people's chests and raping human women and killing them in the process. Watched with Mel and her strange friendster friend.

After dinner with Mel, I went back down to KR for E block's comm elections. It was rather fun, I must say. It almost felt like I was part of that world again. Like I had never left. I stayed and I stayed. I laughed at the jokes, muttered silly comments and gossiped with the people as if nothing had changed. I refused to remove myself. Even took part in the votings. I kept telling myself that I'd call home if it got too late and either take a cab home or stay with Meena or Pearlyn until the morning. Thinking about it now, 30min after I finally reached home, I think I was purposely finding an excuse for myself just so I could stay the night. I knew how late it was getting, and that I should've called home earlier than 12.30am. But I didn't. I didn't want to. When I finally called home, my mother said she'd come pick me up. So that was the end of it. I finally left.

Meena asked me if I miss staying in E Block. I told her I did. And I do! But I'm also getting so used to the idea of not being there. See... When I'm not anywhere near KR or any current KR person, I don't feel the pull. Then sometimes when I'm alone thinking, or when I build up the guts to go back and have a look, I feel it sinking like the titanic in me -- I miss this place.

Sometimes I think I do it to myself deliberately. Maybe I unconsciously feel the need to keep punishing myself, whether or not there's a good reason. Well then... I am one mixed up piece of Chinese dim sum...

Looking For Replacement English Tutor

Sigh... Last night was actually my last session with Jung Woo. And until now there's still no replacement teacher. We had actually agreed that Pukey would take over but last night Mrs. Noh said that she'd rather have the tuition at home rather than have Jung Woo travel to Library@Orchard to meet Pukey for lessons. I see her point. Jung Woo is still quite the stranger in Singapore and it IS a bit worrying. She assured me that I wouldn't have to worry about finding a replacement anymore as I'd done my part. But I still feel somewhat responsible. And I AM having trouble finding someone suitable. Other than Evangelin, I can't think of anyone else who lives near here and who can actually teach English. But Evange has a student already, and her own studies to worry about. The only other people I can think of live on the other end of the island. Dammit... If it weren't for my own failing CAP, I'd continue teaching Jung Woo. He's a really nice boy and quite a good student. I really did enjoy teaching him.

Sigh... Anyone want the job? Or at least got a recommendation?

My Mind Is Going...

Bwahahahahhaha!!!

It's 3.37am and I'm still awake writing in my blog. It's overdue I think.. I've been neglecting it... *pats blog* And also I just finished watching the episode 10 of Samurai 7. *maniacal laughter*

*sings* Katsushiro is love with Kirara... Kyuzo's in the way... ^_^v

I am so in love with Samurai 7. Kambei-sama!! Kyuzo-dono!! KAKKOU II!! AIIIIYYEEEE!!!! *faints in a bout of extreme excitement*

*ahem* Anyway. I insist that watching anime into the late of the night was necessary. I needed my brain cells to recover. From what you ask? Stanley Kubrick's "Space Odyssey:2001". It's part of Pukey's philo module and I decided it'd be fun to watch a classic... Or any film for that matter.

Supposedly the most famous line in that show is when the astronaut David, or Dave, says to the space shuttle's computer, "Open the pod bay doors, HAL." All I could think of after the show was what HAL kept repeating as Dave tried to shut him down:

"Dave, my mind is going."

My mind was well and truly G-O-N-E after that show. Don't get me wrong. It's got some profound ideas in there, and the cinematography is pretty good for its time. It IS a classic. It's just that it's not something that everyone can stomach. I believe one of the review snippets on the back of the DVD cover said something about "mindblowing". Well... That it is.

My mind is going, Dave.

Return of The Blogger

Hehehheehehhe... Yes I realize that I haven't been updating my blog. Mainly coz 1) My laptop was with phoenich... Thus had no mood to update my blog on home computer. 2) Lazy.

Hehe..

Today was absolutely zzz... Had an early morning session at the gym, which wasn't so bad really. The zzz part is when I decided to go to school straight after that. My only lecture today was 4pm-6pm with the Canadian Moose. And guess what time I reached school?

10.30am.

I was in school from 10.freaking30 am. So I decided to have breakfast at Macs... Of course it was damn crowded so I bought my stuff and brought it over to the forum benches to eat. Attempted to drag it out as long as possible by doing my readings as I ate. CMI... I finished by about 11.30am... So then I migrated to the library to stone in comfort of air-conditioning. By the time 4pm came, I was more than just stoned.

I was a boulder. :P

Double Bah!!!

YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!

As if this morning wasn't enough... After the lecture I went down to Science to help Mel Fann and Sing Yee with their bazaar stall for a while. Soon figured that I wasn't much help by being very very stoned and decided to head home. Dropped by Junction 8 NTUC to get some stuff for home and as I headed towards the counter, found that I couldn't find my wallet!!! It was gone!!! I panicked and retraced my steps like 4, 5 times before finally going up to the cold meats counter (I got some ham before that) and asked if they'd seen me drop a wallet. They refered me to one of the senior staff and luckily it was in the office. Some kind soul had picked it up and handed it over to the main office. Everything was inside. Thank God I tell you. But the whole panic/excitement thing was just too much for me. I just wanted to be at home, on my bed, and D-E-A-D. BAH!!! I hate today.

>:(

And blogger is REALLY starting to get on my nerves!!!!! YEEEEEAAAAAAARGH!!!

BAH!!!

I am pissed. With myself. This is a lousy start to the day. Bad enough that I didn't do any readings for this Monday and only realized this morning that I should've done SOME readings for this week seeing how there was none last Monday for American Law, I woke up later than I planned to (due to watching the Olympic games until 4am) and then I had to walk out of my house to the bus stop only to realize that I'd forgotten my wallet. So I walked all the way home again and here I am totally pissed off at myself. I'd miss my lecture just to appease myself but it's a seminar style module so I can't not go. BAH...

This looks like a bad day already.

Will Your Arms Open... To The Prodigal Hostelite?

I found out today that tonight was the E Block Initiation. And I found out not from an E Blocker... But from Shuhui... I know I said I didn't really care. But I guess I'm still quite sad. Then again, it's partly my fault. I didn't actually say to anyone that I would've liked to be there. So the fact that nobody even casually mentioned it to me is still bugging me... Though it shouldn't. So the whole day, I went about my business, convinced that I didn't give a damn anymore about the people, the hall or the block, since apparently they didn't seem to give a damn about me anymore. I even went over to A Block to watch Singapore Idol with Shuhui. But as I left the hall to go home, I passed by E Block. And I heard the sounds of the initiation - namely Raymond trying to freak them with his "ghost" voice - and I was just so suddenly overcome by sadness. I really would've liked to be there. I was so tempted to just shout up to them, run up to the block and joined everyone... So I looked up to where all the noise was coming from... And left.

Of course, after calming down and thinking things over. I really can't blame this lack of communication on anyone. I haven't exactly been in contact with them too, since the few times I went back during FWOC. Why should they contact me? It's a fair exchange. But I'm still sad. And I still wanna go back next sem if I can. The question now is: Will KR... or rather, will the PEOPLE in KR welcome me back? I really don't know what that answer will be.

On a funnier side? I left my handphone in Mel's room. Uncontactable until tomorrow afternoon people!! And my lecturers so far are all quite zzz... :P

Sad Case

I am a total sad case.

I'm trying to go for 6 modules this sem, to make up for lost time, so to speak. But for some reason, the CORS thingy won't even let me add the extra module that I want. I tried calling the hotline to ask but ALL THREE lines were busy!!! So I e-mailed them. Hopefully I'll get a helpful answer. I've got a nagging suspicion that it's because of my super-duper low CAP. Sigh... :'( *sob*

And I've got tuition tonight.. Sigh.. I don't feel like giving tuition when I'm feeling depressed.

Know what else is sad? I haven't watched Spider-Man 2 yet!!!! Yes yes.. this is my attempt to forget all the above unhappiness... Somehow I doubt I'll be watching any movie anytime soon though. I think the last movie I watched on the big screen was..... Shrek2? Or some action movie earlier this year... Whatever... It was a long time ago. And there are so many I want to watch!! So here's my "Movie Wishlist" (in no particular order):

1) Spider-Man 2 (I insist!)
2) Catwoman
3) House of Flying Daggers (Kaneshiro Takeshi!!!! *drool*)
4) Twins Effect 2 (Just to see what the hype about Jaycee Chan is... And Tony Leung *drool*)
5) The Village
6) Fahrenheit 9/11

And I think there's a Japanese movie too... By the same fellow who made "Love Letter", but I can't remember what it's called... Well... There are just a lot of shows I wanna watch lah...

Any kind volunteers?? *starry eyes*

Madness Strikes!!

wahahahahahahahaha....

i am still awake... i am going mad... i dare not sleep for fear i cannot wake up in time to see off the fwocers. i currently have 6 of them lying unconscious on my living room floor. i do believe it is the severe after-effects of a very heavy bbq dinner and very heavy shots of vodka. and to think i didn't even bring out the mochi... i forgot about it... hopefully they'll eat some when they wake up in a couple of hours. wahahaha... i am going mad...

i went and did some funny quiz thing on pukey's blog... i think the results are quite cool.. hehehe.. i like...

What would your Anime life be like? by hearthlight
Name:
Gender:
Your looks:	Long, perpetually flowing hair
Your best friend:	Someone no one else can see.
Your powers:	Control of shadows.
Your beloved:	A valiant hero.
Your occupation:	Demon slayer.
Your ending:	Shocking! I can't spoil it.
Quiz created with MemeGen!

my wysiwyg buttons are not working anymore... bah! plus my entries are not being published properly... double BAH!!!

Forsaken Child

I suddenly have this feeling of a one who has been forsaken. By so many people. I wonder why this is so.

My heart grows cold;
My mind grows blank.
I cannot see,
I cannot feel.
Cannot touch,
I've lost all sense...

I don't know where I stand.

Revenge of My Fats (for a lack of better titles...)

Ah-Ha!!! The moment I complain about not seeing the buttons, the buttons show up. *Smug laughter*

I just realized that Rag is going to be next Saturday 9am - 3pm, and my tuition kid's make-up lesson is 11am - 1pm. This sucks. This means I won't be able to attend Rag!! Bloody hell!! I'm such a cock. I can't believe that I let it slip my mind that Saturday would be Rag!!! Bah. I shall still go for Rag Rush. Stay as long as I can to help. Then fall asleep on my student's table. Whahahaha..

Went for A CapellaFest tonight. Went with Larry, though it was kind of unplanned. It was really quite good. In-A-Chord and Akatones are fantastic!! I'm so in love. And I still can't believe that Larry once recieved a SIGNED poster of the Akatones and then proceeded to use it to wipe his windows. *Slaps forehead*

Am feeling fat again. Shall attempt to revert back to daily cardio routine. It was interrupted by the Japan trip and until now has not been picked up again. Must get into the routine again soon, before my trainer realizes that I'm not losing anymore fat... Just gaining muscle... Eek!

Cruel Fate

I have just found out that my Japan & China module is going to be lectured by Barry Steben. I will now proceed to jump off the highest building I can find.


p.s. How come I can't see any of these "wysiwyg" html buttons that Blogger is currently boasting about?
p.p.s. Why Steben??? WHY!!! *groan*

Dedicated To My Friends In KR

I don't know why but the past 2 times I went back to KR, it turned out to be rather emotional. Tonight was the ultimate.. I totally broke down during the teaching of the KR Goodnight Song and had to be comforted by a number of people: Kimberly, Shai, Gubu, Kendrick and Qingyou. And of course Eskie, who tut-tutted my woe-is-me look as usual. Hahah...

In any case, as I was on the bus home, I suddenly thought, "Now I know why the lao langs cry when they sing this song." And with that, a whole rush of other words just came into my mind. I've written them down and I'm planning to post it on the KR forum as well. For the life of me I couldn't think of a title so I just took the last word of the poem.

To my extended family in KR, this is for you:

The Song
Now I know why old men cry
When they hear their song.
Why couples dance in sweet embrace
To that lilting melody.

Today I turned and walked again
The path that once I passed.
And lined along that wretched path
Stood shadows that I knew.

Shadows of a recent past,
A life I left too soon.
We laughed and cried, shared pain and joy;
These shadows that I knew.

With fear and shame I hid myself.
I'd fled! And so I cried.
But without care, they dried my tears;
Shadows that were my friends.

So thus I stand, in gifts of strength,
Never to forget.
For you're my brother, and you - my sister
And I shall sing our song.

Me As An 80s Childhood Toy...

You're GI Joe with the Kung Fu Grip!! You're
strong, tough, and know how to kick some ass.
Don't forget though, no matter how manly you
think you are, you're still just a doll. God
Bless America.


What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla



Rite rite.... So I'm a GI Joe eh? So much for having 2 whole boxes of Barbie Dolls and their accessories... Might also explain why I am feared by guys all around the world... Ok make that Singapore... FINE.. NUS... OH ALRIGHT! KR. *grumble*

Tada!!!!

Hehehehe... Inspired by Eskie, I too shall post my proposed time-table on my blog. Heheh...

Hoping that I can do 6 modules this sem. Call me mad but I wanna try anyhow. But of course I won't be able to bid for 6 modules until Round 3A (err.. right?). So for the moment, my module management page shows the following 5 modules:

JS2225 Marketing & Consumer Culture in Japan
JS2227 Japan & China: Rivals & Partners
JS3223 Japan & The Asia-Pacific Region
AS3213 American Law: Language & Gender
LSM1302 Genes & Society

Then, God willing, if I can get my 6th module, I'm hoping to take JS3222: Japanese Business Management.

Yeah yeah... I know what most of you are thinking. I'm thinking the same. My JS mods are like totally ZZZ!!! Ok well... JS2225 actually looks interesting so that might work out fine. Japan & China... yeah ok... Japan & Asia-Pacific... Ergh... Japanese Business... BLEAH!!! I know.. But there wasn't much choice!! For some insane reason, the modules being offered this sem were either offered as well last sem (so I've taken them) or are totally BORING mods like the above!! I will just die from lecture-sleep overdose. Truth be told, American Law was the only module I actually PLANNED to take... And that's only my UE module. Sigh... And Genese & Society of course. I really really REALLY hope I can get Genes. It's one of the more popular breadth modules around and there are bound to be crazy idiots upping the bidding price at every chance they get. Uhm... Actually I hope I'm not one of them.

Oh please please let me get the modules I want! *screws up face in intense concentration of praying*

Oh why are they only offering Postwar Anime in Sem2?!?!?! *sob*

And NOW!!!!

Rite. If I wasn't frustrated enough just now, then I'm REALLY RILED right now.

Last night I sent a reply to an invitation for all KR alumni to attend this year's formal dinner event. I said I wanted to go. Just 5 minutes ago I checked my mail, and the JCRC vice-prez replied me saying that my case was a tricky one as I had not ACTUALLY graduated and so according to Master's books I was not actually considered alumni. So his suggestion was that I sneak in - BLOODY SNEAK IN - to have dinner with my block and fellow Kentridgeans!! I'm in fucking disbelief here! They're telling me to come back and visit as much as possible, even the D-block RF extended that invitation mind you, and then they tell me that I can't OFFICIALLY be there, DESPITE a FORMAL invitation.

I know it isn't the JCRC's fault. It's mainly just Master and his stupid rules and ideas. But I'm still in shock. I can't believe I have to be told to sneak back into KR. It hurts. Master should be shot. And the JCRC really have to work on their written PR skills.

A New Beginning

School's starting again. And so is FWOC. Somehow I can't wait for both to start. Well.. Not so much the going to class part but more of the stuff outside of classes. Ok.. Somehow I'm not sure that really made any sense. But yeah! I wanna go back. For once. *shudders* I'm weirding myself out.

My brother's finally gone and flown off to Sydney to start with his Uni studies and it's become rather quiet around here. It's just different not seeing him stuck at the computer all day.

Tried to organize a BBQ dinner with the FWOCers. Don't think it's going to happen. Only a couple of them replied. Look like it'll have to wait until orientation is over. Sigh. Even then I'm not sure if anything will happen. Dunno lah... I just really really miss them, and it's been a while since our last gathering. So sue me, I'm a sentimental softie at heart. But I miss you guys!!! When are we going to just chill out together again?

Argh. I sound so desperate. Maybe I am... Bah!! I shall revel in my own unique brand of Siew Mai pathetic-ness. BAH & POO!!! *rolls eyes at myself* I'm going mad.

There And Back Again

Year came, year past. Many things have changed.

Title has a couple of meanings I think...

First off, I'm back from Japan. Been back since Monday 1am. It was great walking around Tokyo -- alone for the first 2 days and with my mum and her friend for the last 2 and a half. Got myself a relatively good electronic dictionary for about $150SGD. Couldn't afford to get a digital camera for Mars though (sorry Mars).. Coz my mum only gave me $500SGD to spend over 4 days and I can tell you that Tokyo isn't exactly cheap. Bought a lot of sweets for the friends though. And little gifts too. Can tell you that I'm totally in love with Japan now. Hoping that I can work there for at least a year one day.

Once was there, now is gone. Once was empty now is filled.

Then I came home. And I went to visit the mock camp organized by FWOC. And I felt my heart breaking into a million little pieces each of the two days I went. Yesterday was a day of games at Sentosa and despite their repeated calls to get into the water, all I wanted to do was watch them play and have fun. It was like watching...a memory? I don't know. I felt glad to see them all, but sad as well. Today they played at the SRC and I went down again. Watched them practice the mass dance, then joined them for the BBQ. I almost didn't want to leave.

But what the new sights and sounds may be,

Some of my friends who read this will think I'm totally mad and will probably be absolutely annoyed with me. But I miss them.

There's one thing that will never change:

I miss them so much sometimes I wanna cry. I miss my block, I miss the choir, KRX, my own band of Fwocers... I miss the whole insanity of staying there. Home is so quiet I could just go mad.

I'm sorry to both groups of my friends. My friends from hall.. I'm sorry I left so suddenly. My friends outside of hall.. I'm sorry for this annoying indecisiveness.

A family. Thats what you are....

Disbelief

It is official. I'm withdrawing from hall.

Judgement Is Passed

I have received my sentence today. Judgement is passed upon me.

I may have to move out of KR. And if my mother insists, I may have to give up orientation as well.

I can't say that I don't agree with her. Because some part of me realizes that I need to get out of it if I want to save my grades. Already I have to repeat an entire semester. But it's not as easy as that. KR is like a home to me, away from home. I have friends there. I have family. And I have responsibilities. But how do you choose between a responsibility to yourself and a responsibility to others? Aren't they both as important?

To choose one would be to betray the other. I cannot bear to betray either.