Aside being ultra-unproductive, this weekend was just lousy because right now, my chest feels like its got a hard ball of lead inside instead of a heart.
A couple of stupid things happened and even more stupid words were said. The worse part is that I let myself get too affected by all of it. In truth they were probably just... Stupid specks of dust on the horizon. But I let those stupid specks become big blobs that blocked out the sun. Excuse the lousy analogies.
I can't help but wonder - Is it more self-centered to think that you can identify with another person's feelings? That what you feel from your own experiences equals that other person's; Or to insist that what you're feeling or going through is just different from other people, no matter how similar it might seem? Or is it really just a point of view? Or maybe we just say these things to comfort the other or ourselves, depending on whose crisis it is. Do I make sense?
I'm sorry I didn't say this to you over MSN, but I didn't know how to say or explain it. I really believe that what you're going through is different from what I'm going through. I can't explain it. I didn't choose to be that person's safety net, wittingly OR unwittingly. But I want out. I'm not sure I can take the mental/emotional assault anymore. Yet at the same time I'm not sure I'm strong enough to break away. I know that you'll probably argue... Try to rationalize, rather, that you're going through the same thing and you're feeling exactly the way I feel. I'm not going to argue with you. Simply because I can't argue with you. And I don't want to. How do you argue with someone who makes arguments for a living? You can't. So I won't. It's just different. I'm sorry, but it just is.
It just is.
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