Shoals of Dolphins

As a child of the eighties and nineties, I remember my English teachers being quite critical about grammar and the differences between the spoken and written word. "In formal writing," preached one, "Never write in the manner as how you would speak." Exceptions to this rule were only made if we were to quote another person or if our compositions were story-based and contained some form of dialogue. Even then, we had to be careful how we phrased our written "spoken" words.

I do accept, however, that language is always evolving. We gain new words and invent original descriptive phrases every decade. "Google" for example is now widely accepted as a verb and is synonymous with "search" or "look up". Back in my schooling days, starting a paragraph with "and" or "but" was a cardinal sin, only to be forgiven if we could prove that it was a calculated piece of writing designed to make an emphasis and draw attention to the point we were trying to make in that paragraph. Nowadays it is simply a way of starting a paragraph. I cringe, but I do acknowledge that unfortunately, that is how people speak and write in modern times.

The sciences, as well are ever-evolving. Yet I doubt that nature evolves as quickly as language, unless you subscribe to the words of Charles Xavier (aka Professor X of the X-Men). I quote:

"Mutation: it is the key to our evolution. It has enabled us to evolve from a single-celled organism into the dominant species on the planet. This process is slow, and normally taking thousands and thousands of years. But every few hundred millennia, evolution leaps forward."

In the Home section of this Friday's (24th January 2014) Straits Times, there is an article - rather soulless, in my opinion - describing the quiet, close-to-nature lifestyle to be found on St. John's Island. Besides some of the, I suppose, archaic writing "sins" described above, the writers go on to describe the island's dolphin visitors as travelling in "shoals".

I froze for a moment as I read that sentence. Surely I am not so cut-off from the world, that I missed an earth-shattering evolutionary announcement that dolphins were now considered fish!

If memory and education serve me well, the most widely accepted collective noun used to describe a group of dolphins is "pod", as in "a pod of dolphins". The terms "school" and "team" have also been used, although not as commonly. A "shoal" on the other hand, is used to describe fish.

Now, if I am wrong, there can only be two possible explanations. One: I failed to pay attention in both my English and Science lessons in primary school. Two: As mentioned above, I am behind in the news of Science and Environment, and dolphins have actually been discovered to be cold-blooded fish rather than warm-blooded marine mammals.

As I am pretty confident that I am NOT wrong, one then wonders about the writers (perhaps the editors as well, for missing this) of this article. This one sentence describing "shoals of dolphins" seems to display a lack of basic knowledge of the natural sciences, and a poor grasp of grammatical rules. Supporters of the Straits Times and the writers may argue that it is an insignificant and quite likely careless error.

For this reader regretfully, careless mistake or not, the damage is done.

Letter to an Unnamed Friend

My Dearest Friend

And so it comes:  the eve of the New Year, the end of the Old. A time when – wanted or not – we start to think back on all the things we have achieved and the many more we may regret.

I write to you now, before I forget them, all the deep and meaningful things which came to me in a moment of inspiration in the shower (of course, as all great philosophical moments do).

First of all, allow me to apologise for the absence of a name and proper address. You see, it is not without some amount of anxiety that I draft this little attempt to vocalize the thoughts in my silly head. Maybe I have over-thought these things, and no longer follow any form of logic in my words. Perhaps I have under-thought instead and will proceed to make false accusations.  No matter. I will proceed to put down these words (foolishly wise or wisely foolish, as they may be) because at one small point, they made sense to me. As well, the marvellous (bath-time) thoughts revolved around not one, but various persons who have walked in and out of my personal – and often volatile – space.  You, my “friend”, are therefore hypothetical and absolutely generic. I think you may even be myself.

I will start with this confession: I have not always been honest with you.  Not on any specific topic, but rather a few throughout the time we have known each other. “Well now,” you might say, “That is completely normal. White lies and non-committal hums and nods are completely necessary to keep a friendship going.”

“Complete and unquestionable honesty,” You may continue to say, “Is surely the recipe for the end of a friendship.”

Is it really though? Of course, I don’t mean to say that I don’t think those same thoughts. I have very often simply gone along with a conversation just because I do not wish to irritate the person any further than he/she already is; Or failed to point out a flaw (insignificant or otherwise) in the argument to avoid becoming the subject of one’s ire; Or even allowed my own argument to collapse in order for fires to be put out.

The truth shall set thee free. So say the wise men. What the wise men failed to preach was how much honesty may sting and how it can more often than not, backfire and scar the truth-bearer instead. How often have I regretted speaking my true mind (or what I perceived to be true) ? That being said, here is yet another confession.

I have not always been honest with myself. Bear with me. This will tie in with the above. At some point.

I have lost count of the number of incidences where I have convinced myself that all is good, and the decisions I make are right. In fact the opposite may have been more true.

You may or may not have been privy to the fact that I had regular sessions with a psychiatrist in the later months of 2012. Whether or not it has improved my mental fortitude, I cannot say. Although it has made me more aware, somewhat.

One of the things the doctor asked me consistently at every session was this,

“Why are you so afraid? You desperately want everyone to approve of you. Why?”

I could never give him a straight answer. Most times I could not answer at all. The question defeated me every time. Yet through that constant interrogation, it’s made me see some unpleasant truths about myself. One is this:

I allow myself to be swayed. Not always, but so very, very often. The thought of being left out or left behind terrifies me so much that I will usually go along with any idea or plan that is laid out. I am so afraid of being wrong, that I will be the first to agree that you are right.

I want so badly, so impossibly, to be good in your eyes, I will strive to fit your model.

Sadly, a poorly fitted gear is so often the catalyst for failure in any machinery. Usually that failure is catastrophic, to say the least.

I break, without a doubt. I get tired of saying “yes”, and I get tired of not saying anything and of playing “Follow the Leader”. That’s when my reality starts to warp. Suddenly, it seems that people are being unfair, even unjust. The alleged injustices begin to add up and so, it would seem to me, it is time to go on the defensive.

Here is where the hurt and heartbreak fell all sides. You, my friend, who has only seen a poorly constructed version of me will not understand what has warranted the sudden lashing and will put up shields of your own. I will only further upset myself for this, for I cannot seem to make you understand what injustices have been laid against me. So the siege begins and the battle wages on until when next we blink, being friends was just a myth.

So it boils down to this: I am poor at being honest with myself. In doing so, I fail to be honest with you, my friend. In being dishonest with you, I betray myself and so the spiral into misery finds no end.

I see that once again, I fail to end my tedious lecture before the New Year. It is now some 30 minutes past. I’ll end it now.

I should wish to be more honest with myself and all my friends, even if some may not encourage it. More than that, however, I wish that I may be honest without fear – fear of your pride (and mine); fear of hurting one another, and fear of failing to keep yet another friend.