Actually, it's been more than a year. Since my last post that is.
According to Blogspot, my last post was on 6 August 2011.
What's happened since then?
I went for a couple of acting classes. Took part in a couple of student films, got my face shown on TV for 2 seconds, got a whole lot of rejections... Ran out of money.
So, I started looking for work - halfheartedly - and found myself working for an acquaintance.
Now...
Now I think I want to throw in the towel on life. On everything.
I doubt I'm ever going to be free of this cycle - I'll find something that will seem exciting. I'll convince myself that it really is exciting and something that I really want to do. I'll go all out on it for a period of time, could be days, months, maybe even a year or so. Then I'll burn out, get disillusioned, mentally and emotionally tired. Finally I'll be back in what seems to be my ground state: Depression.
With each cycle that comes, something inside of me seems to just die. I think I want to get out of it, but then some malicious little voice inside my head tells me that I'll never get out of this abyss, this sinkhole.
The saying is true. I am my own worst enemy. The only difference is that I don't think I can ever win.
