Emotional Sadomasochist

Super sleepy. But I had to write this blog.

Before I go on to the "main" topic, I have to say... I cannot believe that I crashed Pukey's philo film viewing to watch Alien. ALIEN!! I usually avoid all Alien or Predator films. It was scary. *whimper* Bloody too... And gross. Let's not forget gross. Who knew any living thing could drool non-stop like that? Not just buckets, I think. It was drooling WHOLE swimming pools!! Yeurgh...

Anyhow. After Alien was a nice turn around with the Anime Club's screening of Juuni Kokuki (Twelve Kingdoms). So much more relaxing than seeing aliens popping out of people's chests and raping human women and killing them in the process. Watched with Mel and her strange friendster friend.

After dinner with Mel, I went back down to KR for E block's comm elections. It was rather fun, I must say. It almost felt like I was part of that world again. Like I had never left. I stayed and I stayed. I laughed at the jokes, muttered silly comments and gossiped with the people as if nothing had changed. I refused to remove myself. Even took part in the votings. I kept telling myself that I'd call home if it got too late and either take a cab home or stay with Meena or Pearlyn until the morning. Thinking about it now, 30min after I finally reached home, I think I was purposely finding an excuse for myself just so I could stay the night. I knew how late it was getting, and that I should've called home earlier than 12.30am. But I didn't. I didn't want to. When I finally called home, my mother said she'd come pick me up. So that was the end of it. I finally left.

Meena asked me if I miss staying in E Block. I told her I did. And I do! But I'm also getting so used to the idea of not being there. See... When I'm not anywhere near KR or any current KR person, I don't feel the pull. Then sometimes when I'm alone thinking, or when I build up the guts to go back and have a look, I feel it sinking like the titanic in me -- I miss this place.

Sometimes I think I do it to myself deliberately. Maybe I unconsciously feel the need to keep punishing myself, whether or not there's a good reason. Well then... I am one mixed up piece of Chinese dim sum...