Never-ending Job Hunt... And Curry Puffs

Had a curry puff just now, but I think it's been justified by the fact that I walked all the way to Junction 8 and then walked all the way back again. Heh. Went there to do some grocery shopping at NTUC with my sis and the maid, but in the end we only managed to get half of what we wanted to buy at the neighbourhood Prime Supermarket on the way back. We actually managed to find everything at NTUC and we were lining up at the checkout counter already when the system suddenly hung. It was quite amusing. All the counters except for one couldn't operate. So there was this one amazingly long queue right at the very end, all the other cashiers were in a mild panic and the floor supervisor looked like he was about to cry. Most of the customers rushed over to the one working counter while some patiently waited in their original queue. I think by the time we left the working queue had stretched from the counters to the opposite wall.. I'm not very sure but it was a bloody lot of people. Other customers who were in a rush or decided it wasn't worth waiting so long just quietly put their groceries back or left them with the NTUC people and left. And from the chaos emerged the much feared Ugly Singaporeans, madly steering their carts towards the working queue to try and claim a space or making demands at the crew who really couldn't do anything since this was an overall system failure. One particular woman came up to the nice auntie serving our counter and asked if she could just pay up without scanning all the groceries. Of course the auntie said no, cannot. Because they'd have to account for the stock. The woman's face became really really black and she very discourteously and loudly exclaimed, "HUH!! FORGET IT!" and stormed out. Come on!! It's nobody's fault here. What's the point at shouting demands at the counter crew when they themselves have no idea what triggered the system failure? And they're probably at a greater disadvantage than we are since they're the ones who are about to lose hundreds of dollars tonight. We just have to change our dinner plans for tomorrow. Tsk...

Anyhow, I finally recieved an official letter from NUS stating that my appeal has been rejected. I sent in the appeal on the 3rd and the referrals on the 5th. This letter they sent was dated the 20th and today is the 25th. Yup. NUS is indeed a world-class university in terms of efficiency. Ahh.. Not that it matters anymore.

Still looking for a job. Going down to Heeren tomorrow to try my luck after seeing a very very tiny ad in the classifieds today about some clothing store there that needs people. I suppose manning a store is slightly better than being service/counter crew at GV. But maybe if I don't get the clothing store job I will apply to be counter crew for GV... Hahaha... A job's a job right? Somebody has to do it anyway.

Unless... Somebody's got a lobang hidden away somewhere... Anyone with a family cafe that needs help? Lalalala...

I want another curry puff... *drool*

My Prayer

God,

Let the tears that need to fall, fall.
Tell my heart it's alright to weep, to wash away my fears.

I know what I need to do, Lord.
Everybody's helping too, telling me what I need to do.
I'm thankful, Lord, really, that everyone tries to help.
But Lord, please understand:
I need to deal with being scared first.

I've never been so scared.
I'm crying as I type. And that scares me too.
I don't know how to deal with fear, because it's never been so real.

I don't know what to say to people,
Coz I think that they're scared too.
They're scared of saying something wrong.
Coz that might piss me off some more.
At least, that's what I think.

That's why I'm writing this here, Lord,
Even though it's more for you than anyone else.
But it's easier to explain myself when I'm talking to you.
So I hope you'll let me share my prayer to friends, or those who would be friends.
Coz I think they'd like to know too. I hope.

I need to deal with this and I know what must be done.
But for the moment, God,
Please could you hold my hands? - they're shaking really hard -
Then, just for a while, just let me cry a while.

WARNING!!: Super Rant Entry

This is a total rant-fest. So if you're sick of me whining and ranting and complaining, just stop reading now. I MEAN IT!

I'm sorry to continue whining, but I've finally figured out that I'm really very scared. I don't know what's going to happen and damned if I know what I'm supposed to do. It's kind of like I've become trapped in some time nexus and am in suspended reality while everyone else's life goes on as usual outside of this wall I'm closed behind. Yes yes... I know... Go find a job. Go sign up for a course in something-or-other. Do this, do that. I know all that. And I'm trying. But I'm still scared as hell. I just e-mailed Kuldip to ask for another testimonial that's more general (i.e. addressed "to Whom it may concern") so that I could include it in all my applications, and he asked that I give him a CV that he can refer to. A Curriculum Vitae (some websites I went to argue it should be Vita since we only lead one life per person [in most cases anyway] but Vitae seems to be the most common usage... I digress..)!!! I've always known there'd come a day I'd have to write a professional CV but now??? What am I going to include?? Education: University (uncompleted) ??? OMG!!!! I'm totally freaking out. Then today I finally remembered that I should somehow try to get an official record of my student activities in NUS. Must go and find that bloody white card and fill it in and get KR JCRC to sign it. RJ can sign for me??? *SOBS* I think I need to find a time where I can just totally rant and cry my heart out and I need to find someone to do it with. But somehow I just can't when I really want to. I think it's out of habit. I've somehow managed to condition myself not to cry too often. This is bad. All this angst building up is totally unhealthy. I need help. *wails out Smallville theme* Somebody saaaaaaaaaavvvvveee meeeeee...!!!

HELP!!! *freaks out some more* HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPP!!! *uber-freak-out*

Lost In the Snow
Russell Watson

Rise and shine
Wake up your sleepy head
Cause now it's time to leave your cozy bed
As the dawn is waking
A new adventure is waiting

Walking hand in hand
Out of Christmas time and into wonderland
With your best friend
Your dream has just come true
And you won't believe it's you
Its happening to
You're lost in the snow

As night time falls
You cry
In your darkest fears
You think you've lost your friend
Who will dry your tears
But a new light is dawning, and a new day's calling

Walking hand in hand
Out of Christmas time and into wonderland
With your best friend
Your dream has just come true
And you can't believe it's you
That holds the dream
You're lost in the snow
You're lost in the snow

Though you feel lost without her
Soon the night time will be over

And you'll be walking hand in hand
Out of Christmas time and into wonderland
With your best friend
Your dream has just come true
And you won't believe it's you
It's happening to
You're lost in the snow
You're lost in the snow

My Intellect

You scored as Verbal/Linguistic. You have highly developed auditory skills, enjoy reading and writing and telling stories, and are good at getting your point across. You learn best by saying and hearing words. People like you include poets, authors, speakers, attorneys, politicians, lecturers and teachers.

Verbal/Linguistic		57%
Musical/Rhythmic		54%
Bodily/Kinesthetic		54%
Logical/Mathematical		54%
Visual/Spatial		50%
Intrapersonal		50%
Interpersonal		39%

The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences
created with QuizFarm.com

Ahem!! *adjusts half-rimmed glasses and stares over them* Well now...

Paperwork.. BAH!!

Went out with Jemalelinh yesterday coz it was her b'day. Robbed her of her Latin books in Borders and bought them for her instead as a birthday present, seeing how I had put off buying her present until the very last minute. Then we hung around for a little while before going up to Sakae Sushi to stuff ourselves during the buffet. Hirhirhir.. I still managed to secure a student discount even though my student card is now defunct. Hirhirhir... Should make a career out of this.. Siew Mai: Professional Con-student. Whahaha..!! Anyhow... After crawling out of Sakae we rolled over to Tanglin shopping centre to have coffee at Jemalelinh's friend's deli. It was serious over-eating... I'm still feeling the effects of it today. I can't believe that the weighing scale didn't move when I weighed myself today. So amazing.

Anyway, went down to ACJC and MGS to get the copies of my old certs stamped and certified. The MGS admin was really nice about it, even though I had like... 10 sets of papers to sign. For MG this included my 'O' level cert, ECA report and leaving cert. So the poor woman at the front desk had to stamp and sign 30 pieces of paper for me while answering dunno-how-many phone calls, and still managed to keep up a friendly conversation with me inbetween it all. It was the ACJC admin that really put me off.

I actually went down yesterday before I went to meet up with Jemalelinh but I'd forgotten my originals so they couldn't verify it for me. So I went back today with my originals in tow. The same woman who spoke to me yesterday saw me and asked if I'd brought my originals today. So I said yes and was about to pass everything to her when she just plopped the ink pad and the stamp in front of me. When I looked at the things on the front desk and looked back at her with question marks all over my face, she told me to finish stamping everything first and then pass it all back to her. Then she wandered off to go and gossip to some other admin person. I was like... Diao... Ok lor... So I stood at the front desk looking like an idiot and proceeded to stamp all 10 sets of copies.

After stamping two sets she came back and said that ok, she'd sign as I finished stamping. So I thought.. Ok lah.. Not so bad. Macam like some kind of production line, also quite efficient lah hor... So she took my two stamped sets of paper and proceeded to walk around the office like she was in search of something. I shall give her the benefit of the doubt by assuming she was looking for a pen. After going one whole round miraculously never finding a single pen, she comes back and says that she will just wait until I finish stamping everything coz there's no place for her to sit down at the front desk! I look down and true enough there are like tons of boxes there which just goes to show that the ACJC admin is about as organized as they are efficient. So she gives me back the two still unsigned sets of copies and proceeds to go gossip with her friend again.

Finally I finish stamping and look up to find her still talking to the other admin pple. I try to catch her eye and smile but instead she goes off to the other side of the office and starts talking to another person. Even when she's looking me straight in the eye, she continues talking and refuses to come over!!! And the other admin people in the office don't even bother to come forward to help me even though by now I've been standing there holding the stamped copies for about 5 minutes. I'm really irritated by now and then another woman comes into the office and asks if she can help me as soon as she sees me. She was nice enough about it and said she'd take the copies to put on the first woman's desk for her to sign and tells me to just take a seat. As soon as I sit down the irritating woman finally comes out and asks where my copies are. When I tell her they're on her desk now, she says ok, come back later to collect them. I stared at her since I couldn't understand why she couldn't just sign them now. I mean, if she's so free that she can just walk around the office talking to other people... This woman just stares back and says yah yah, go have lunch or walk around or something. Just come back later.

I mean... COME ON!! This is just plain unprofessional and inefficient. I seriously don't see how the MGS admin can be so nice about it and ACJC admin makes it known that it's such a chore. COMPLETE NONSENSE!!! Pah. Anyway I finally collected the copies an hour later and went down to NUS to meet Jemalelinh and ask the Registrar's Office for a transcript, which I will have to photocopy and certify as well (sigh). As I was filling up the request form... I started thinking about the one year's worth of Fs which will most likely just offset the other 3 sems of not too bad Bs and Cs. Wondered if I will get rejected by all the unis I'm applying to when they see the Fs. I started getting really upset by it coz truthfully speaking, it's a very scary thought... And it's damn scary trying to pick up the pieces and start all over again. I kinda snapped at Jemalelinh after getting on my own nerves... So yes.. I'm sorry I snapped.. :( I didn't mean to.

Shane trying to help me get a job at the hotel where his cousin is working. Maybe front desk assistant or something. It's at the Inter-Continental Hotel in Bugis. A bit scary. Always felt that finding a job is damn scary, even if it's found through lobangs. Even the time when I started work at NUH, the first day I went in to meet the HR person I was breaking out in cold sweat and my voice was all squeaky. Rrrrrr... Hopefully I don't screw things up if I get this job. They SHOULD provide training right??? *scared look* I don't want to get fired on my first day for messing up some reservation or some check-in... Eeeeep... *squeak**gulp*

Inescapable Fate

Before I start my long sad story for the day, some updates on my somewhat screwed up mundane life:

My mother and I have worked out that I do actually need to go down to MGS and ACJC to get the copies of my school certs stamped and certified so that's going to happen tomorrow. And I'm also going to have to e-mail Kuldip for another character testimonial. *pui pui pui* NUS still hasn't sent any response as to my appeal and both my mother and I have concluded that it's probably not worth the grief to pursue it. Anyway I've done my part according to the book so now it's their job. So now my mother is encouraging (read: nagging) me to go and find some life skills courses like secretarial courses or beauty/grooming courses to join. SIGH!!! But I guess she's right. I can't just sit around all day right? Sigh. Probably should go and find a job also. Anyone need a house-cleaner? Can only clean. Can't cook. Or rather can only cook limited things. Laundry also can. :p Clothes are down one size!!! *cheer* Went shopping with mum on Saturday and when my mum presented me with a pair of size 14 jeans to try the salesgirl said that it looks too big for me and that I look more like a size 12. *cheer* So now I even LOOK smaller. Good. Must keep losing weight. Aim to go down to size 8. Ganbatte!!

Ok. Now I start my main entry. Found out yesterday morning that James Creffield passed away. If the surname sounds familiar to some it's because he was the husband of Geetha Creffield. For those who don't know completely, Geetha was my drama teacher in ACJC. The funeral was held at the Mandai Crematorium today. So I went down to pay my respects. I was amazed but not surprised at the number of people that turned up. The Creffields were loved and respected by many people. Besides friends and family, the entire staff of the ACJC faculty turned up and of course, her class students and her drama and debate students. Even alumni turned up. It was a very touching sight. James had gone rockclimbing near Bukit Timah Hill on Saturday morning and met with an accident that claimed his life. I don't know the details of the accident but I know that he was with his close friends, so thank God he wasn't alone when it happened. It was ironic though, because barely a month ago James and Geetha were in Phuket when the tsunami hit. They were also about to go climbing that day when the guide told them to get down and run for their lives. So they escaped that terrible disaster, but I guess... There's no escaping fate. I'm sure James would have seen the irony of it all. He was a very jolly, mischievious person who always had a laugh up his sleeve. May he rest in peace, and may God give comfort to his friends and family and especially to Mrs C, who had to say farewell to the first and only man she loved in her life.

PAH!!

I'm feeling very pissed off now. I don't know whether to be pissed off at myself or my mother or NUS or just the whole damn world in general. Stupid stupid stupid STUPID!!!!! I think I really should just go and stand in the middle of speeding traffic and be done with it. I HATE my EFFING life!!

Illegal Web User

Ha!

I'm here in the NUS library now waiting for 2pm to come so that I can sell off stupid Paradise Lost to someone for $10. I was actually hanging out in the refreshment area (what do they call it?? Perk Point??? Yeah.. some perk...) reading my little story book of Greek legends when Romeo and Juliet decide they have to share a corner with me on account of there not being enough seats in the place. Then they have to start going all touchy-feely right in front of me and that is just gross. I think they were just hoping that I'd go away so they can just take over the whole sofa and start making out on it or something but I decided to 'ignore' them and stayed there for over an hour reading my book. But there's only so much mush you can bear so finally I gave up and ran away to the computers... Where I find that some silly Pakistani in a monk's robe has been there since I came in to have a look at 11.30am. Everyone else has had their turn at the comps and this idiot is still listening to his mp3 player and hogging up the computer. Well.... I should talk... Technically not supposed to be using the school facilities but hey at least I don't hog it for 3 hours.

Going out with Jemalelinh later. *cheer* Dunno what we're going to do sia. She ends class at 3pm so I still have to wait one more hour after I meet the last buyer for the day. Mebbe we can go Holland V and have a late lunch or a dessert. NYDC!!! Whoop whoop!!! I feel so justified nowadays coz I started losing weight again now that Shane's back on the job. Whahahaha. Dun tell him that. His head will just explode.

Filled up most of the applications liao. Just need to fill in financial details and I need to sit down with my parents to fill that up. Most of the applications I put down a preference for Biomedical Sciences or Biology. Surprised or not? I was quite surprised myself when I actually thought about it. But then I figured that since I'm such a closet nerd, why not? Really lah... I think I'm not as cut out for humanities as I thought I'd be. Anyhow, the cool thing is that if I actually get to do Biomedical Sciences instead of general Biology, I have the option of entering a medical school for post-graduate studies. Dr Siew Mai!!! Can you imagine? Hahahaha.... I think the world will just automatically destruct. Hirhirhir... Who wants to be my first patient?

Me Nerd. Dur...

Heh heh heh... Closet nerd. Hirhirhir...

My Life: The Soap Opera

Heh heh... Sorry... Haven't updated in a while. I suppose you're all wondering what's happened to me and my appeal and if I finally ran off to drown myself in the Singapore River. I didn't of course but I think if I tried I would have died of the stink before I actually drowned.

Anyway. I handed in my appeal letter on Monday. Actually I went down to KR first to bug Master about my referral but he was still writing it or vetting it or something. And he also wanted it to look more official so told me to go find a computer somewhere and print out a letter asking for his help. Maybe I hurt his feelings by going to Ms Tan first. But I also suppose it makes more sense to have Master sign the letter as a first-person writer, although technically speaking half the letter was written by Ms Tan. Master just added in a couple of frills and his weight as Hall Master. So I did all that and went off to the Dean's office to drop off my own appeal and told them I'd follow up with a referral letter the next day.

Back home, my mother (who, it turns out, is a friend of ol' Kuldip... or at least, they used to be colleagues in NUH... and has already been e-mailing him about my plight and pulling strings) and I continue to send e-mails to bug him. Finally he sends an e-mail saying that he will tell the Hall Office to call me as soon as the letters (referral and the CCs) are signed and dropped off, which to our understanding would be Tuesday morning. However Tuesday morning came and past so I finally called the office to ask if Master had dropped off my letter and if I could come to collect. They were dropped off alright... Just not signed. So diao-ded. So I had to wait one more day before I could finally hand in the ruddy referral to the Dean's office. Rrrr...

As if the stupid appeal wasn't giving me enough of a headache. I have to get irritating little year 2 lit girls (actually just one who's irritating) e-mailing me and asking how come I sold off the books they wanted and next time for Pete's sake tell them. *Roll eyes* This girl e-mailed me in December and I told her IF she gets the module and then IF she still interested contact me again. Unfortunately for her some other little girl contacted me first and since I hadn't heard from the irritating one I agreed to sell two of the books to the nice little girl instead. Then of course the fates have to play a cruel joke and irritating little girl e-mails me again. So I politely tell her that unfortunately two of the books are no longer available but does she still want the other two. Then she replies with her rant and oh alright she'll still buy the two other books (ARGH! CONDESCENDING TWIT!! HATE CONDESCENDING TWITS!!!!). Then she demands no less (in question form but the tone is quite apparent), that we meet up on Tuesday at 9.45pm AT NIGHT. *FUME FUME FUME* So I replied (this time not so politely but still quite more than she was) that I wouldn't be in school on Tuesday, much less at night but I'll be in school on Monday to meet other buyers. On hindsight I should have just told her to shove off and sell the remaining books to another nice little girl who asked for them. *SULK* Hate stupid little lit girls who think the world of themselves. Aronwy, you're exempted of course. You might be little but you're not stupid and you have a brain PLUS common sense. *Fume* Stupid little girls in their anorexic jeans and stupid outfits and horrible furry pens or notebooks thinking it's so vogue to be studying lit and quoting poetry. *FUME SULK FUME*

This is turning out to be quite an essay. But what do you expect when I haven't updated for so long? I need to make it up to my loyal blog fans. Wahaha... Anyway. Staring at a whole pile of application forms. Not sure how to fill them up exactly and kinda hoping that I really don't have to. Sigh. Wish my life would just come to a standstill right now. Then I wouldn't have to do anything, and there wouldn't be anymore headaches or heartaches. So far the only highlights in my soap operatic life of the last two weeks was hanging out with Jemalelinh occasionally and Nekoweenie's regular show of support. OH and of course there was that shopping trip with Phoenich. Well... More like I shop and he paid for everything. WAHAHAA!! But they were all for him lah.. I'm not some kind of cheap money grabber (not yet anyway... and even then I'd be an EXPENSIVE money grabber... hirhirhir...). I was just there as a fashion consultant. I tell you working in tiny little cubicles in Science Park and knowing only the route between work and home can do a lot of damage for a person's social life and his sense of fashion. Thank goodness I was around I tell you. HOHOHO!!! *gloat sense of great self-importance gloat*

Listening... Waiting... Praying... Hoping...

Jemalelinh came over yesterday to just nuah. We went grocery shopping at J8, bought a lot of prawns and came back to my place to cook. It was pretty fun and HEY! We didn't give ourselves indigestion after that. Then after that we sat around the TV room and talked and ate Famous Amos and talked and... You get the idea... Talk and talk and talk... And I think that the greatest thing that we did for each other was that we just listened as the other one talked. It didn't matter if advice was given or not. I'm really glad that this friendship was saved. I know that during the whole of last year, I was kind of... not there. But when I managed to find my way back, Jemalelinh was still there. :D I don't know why you stuck around but I love you so much for it. :)

I've written my appeal letter. So now I'm just waiting for Ms Tan to pass me her referral letter. I could actually just hand in my appeal without it but the referral would give my case a boost. E-mailed the dept head for an appointment but there's been no e-mail so I'm guessing he's not around. Probably on leave in the same happy holiday place that all the Vice-dean's are in. Sigh. You know what they say about harsh reality hitting you in the face? I got a bit of that yesterday when I checked the CORS website and found that they had suspended my CORS account. I think I was hoping that they wouldn't do that until the appeal period is over but I guess technically speaking I've already been dismissed. So there really wouldn't be a point for the system to keep my account active would there?

They say the worst part is the waiting. It's so true. I keep wondering "what happens if Ms Tan gives me the referral late?", "what if I finally get all I need and send in my appeal but it's too late??", "what happens if they look at my appeal and throw it in my face?", "what happens if..." over and over and over again. So now, I don't know if I should just sit tight, or if I should start planning my time-table for next sem or... I don't know. What should I do?

Repaired

Ok. Most of the damage has been repaired albeit with some changed headings coz I no longer remember what I originally called them and with some bits still missing. If I'm missing a link to somebody's blog please let me know. Seriously I don't know what happened. I thought I was just changing my "Daily Snow" comment and POOF!!! My entire blog has disappeared. Ah well... It's back now.

Sigh... Called up the Dean's office to ask when we'd be receiving our results slips coz I'd probably receive my dismissal letter then as well. So called to ask if I should wait for the letter before writing in an appeal or just write it anyhow. The woman on the phone told me that I can start writing it now, except that all the vice-deans are happily away on vacation and they don't know when my appeal can be processed. Sigh. I don't know friends... I really hope that I can at least finish properly in Singapore. I'm not ready to say goodbye yet.

D-U-H

Damn i am such a klutz... If you're wondering why some sections of the side bar have different titles or are missing bits well... It's because I actually managed to delete my template somehow and I can't remember everything I put there. So I am now in the process of repairing my blog, but the main body is up and so is the chatterbox. So carry on my good people. Don't let all the reconstruction distract you.

Return From Cat City

Came back from Kuching earlier this evening. Got a new Nike knapsack from my aunt, had my fill of the wonderful wonderful Sarawak guolong mee and ever-yummy Sarawak Laksa, a slightly burned face from walking one hot morning all the way back to my grandpa's place from the Dayak market.

Was really happy to see my grandpa again. Only get to see him once a year and I know how happy it makes him to see the old house get filled up with people again. There's always so much noise, I suppose it reminds him of the past. Apparently the local Chinese newspapers came and interviewed him earlier this month. They published his story in over two days in a ten or eleven-part series about people and events that affected the history of Sarawak.

I always knew that my grandpa was a really great person and I always saw him as something of a hero. But that two-part news feature really made me feel so proud that he was my grandpa. Of course the whole family also had a bit of fun translating the article, since besides my grandpa, my sis and I are the only ones who are more fluent in Chinese. As with most Chinese newspapers, there was all this flowery language which served to emphasize or serve as anologies as to my grandpa's achievements. So there was great fun and laughter as my sis and I ran literal translations of the proverbs and similies used, which made my grandpa sound like some kind of demi-god. And my grandpa, never one to miss out on putting on a good show, quite matter-of-factly agreed with it all, claiming all that the reporter put in to be "absolutely true!" Well... For him to actually be the reincarnation of the legendary Hua Tuo is a bit of a stretch but hey! We all had fun with it and he was greatly amused.

What really saddens me though is that even though my grandpa still obviously has a really brilliant mind (he can still remember his Japanese along with at least 3 other languages besides English and here I can barely remember my Jap... Not to mention all that history he's experienced... It's all in there in his head!!), his body is shutting down at an increasing rate. Last year, although he needed help getting up, moving around and with meals, he was still turning the pages of his newspapers himself and was still able to hold long conversations before getting too tired. This year I never even saw him lifting up the papers. His arms had become too stiff and his fingers are completely frozen. His ability to have a proper conversation is so stunted now because he gets so physically tired just from getting up and moving around the table. Sometimes we're all seated at the table with him and talking, and his eyes will close or he'll start to sink a little in his chair. We know he can actually hear what we say because sometimes he'll suddenly comment and it's not just the random mumblings of a senile old man. He really knows what we were talking about. It's only because his body can't physically stay awake for very long. I'm ashamed to say this but sometimes I look at him and actually wonder if this man was really once the same grandpa that would lift me and my cousins onto his shoulders and turn us upside down, even when he was already 60-odd years old. He did so many wonderful things in his life... He doesn't deserve to have to grow old like this. It's not fair. Sigh... But... Such is life. I just hope he can stay happy for as long as possible.

In other news, I also received my Christmas present from NUS via the internet. I actually wanted to make an entry on the day itself but was attacked by teenage cousins. The cousins aren't so bad by themselves, I quite like my cousins (except for one anti-social bottomless pit currently taking refuge in my house and one she-monster from my dad's side who is gladfully going off to Dubai coz her dad got posted there for two years. Muahahahaha). The problem is that the presence of cute cousins means the presence of an uncle who is in constant need of an ego boost(goodness knows why). Back when my brother was serving NS in the air force and my eldest cousin (the bottonless pit) was in the M'sian navy, he was forever trying to compare the two. Even now with my brother on study leave and my cousin working in S'pore, he tries to find something to compare. Last year he tried to compare me and my other older cousin who's studying in Illinois. If he had found out about my situation there would be endless condescensions. Huh... Aiyah... Maybe Nicholas can help you lah.. Even though he's in freakin'faraway-Illinois doing bloodyhell-Engineering that has forPete'ssake-nothing to do with your major but Nicky's a scholarship boy lah and he can help you... *roll eyes* Save me. My uncles from both sides were all married into the family and for some reason there has to be a weirdo one to balance out the nice one on each...

Anyhow I got 2 C+s, 2 C's and a Satisfactory for Genes & Society. Not bad, considering that most of my second year was filled with F's. But I don't think it's enough for me to be put out of academic probation. I needed a B average for that. And considering that this sem was my critical sem, I'm actually expecting to see a dimissal letter for the Registrar's Office any day this week. Don't get me wrong, I'm not actually giving up hope yet. Just this morning before I left my grandpa's house for the airport I sent an "Intent to Appeal" e-mail to the Dean's office. A sort of "pre-appeal" letter. Actually my mother helped me with it coz I was still half asleep. Heh... Then I forwarded it to Ms Tan (my Resident Fellow when I was in KR) and Terada in hopes of establishing a support base should I actually need to appeal. Ms Tan has already replied and thankfully has offered to give me any help I need. Terada on the other hand, is off on another one of his gallivants and according to his auto-reply system will only be back next month. Hopefully he returns before the appeal period is over. So Ms O8ight, don't go booking your holiday ticket just yet. You might find yourself without accomodation. Hahah. But to all of you who've posted supportively on my chatterbox and those who've kept tabs on me through sms... RJ, O8ight, Eskie, Nekoweenie, Jemalelinh... I wanna give you all a BEEG HUG and THANK YOU for just being there. It's nice sometimes not to be told what to do. *Big teary-eyed grin* Thanx.

Kaname Jun!

Hmmph... Since Nekoweenie claims that Kaname Jun only looks good with his hair covering his face and posted an example pic I shall post a pic of him without his hair covering his face. He still looks good ok!! :P:P:P

Psycho Siew Mai Strikes Again

I just realized that I may actually be over-reacting again. The last post sounds a little end-of-the-world doesn't it?? I don't know. Actually it might be me running away again. Running away from NUS. I'm always running away from my problems or from things I find troubling. You guys want to know the truth? I applied for hall stay to get away from home. I hardly went home because I didn't want to be at home. Not that I was really having any problems at home. I just wanted to get away from my mum's nagging, my brother's machoism, my sister's trying-too-hard-ism... Basically I was running away from my family's expectations of me. And now for an even harsher truth.

I ran away from KR.

My mum telling me to withdraw from KR is only half the story. I wanted to get out. My mum actually suggested that I keep the room but withdraw from all activities. But I knew that was going to be difficult. I didn't want to be there and face all these people who expected me to give them something. Like I owed it to them to do something. So I used my mum and my grades as my ticket out of KR. I ran away. Again.

*bitter laugh* I can just imagine the reaction of those 6F bastards if they actually knew. On the other hand, they might not care at all. All of them were just waiting for me to fail anyhow.

Ok yes. I'm turning psycho. Listen to me... Talk about paranoia. Although I'm not unconvinced that those assholes upstairs (actually mainly 2 of them) were good people who had good intentions. They were f***ing bastards and hypocrites. And ok I'm going to stop now before I churn out an even more psycho rant.

End of A Chapter?

Everyone who reads this blog probably already knows that I've been on academic probation and that this sem was my last chance to redeem myself. The only person who didn't know was my mother. I mean, she knew that I had failed badly during my second year, but I only told her that much at the end of last sem. She didn't know that at that point in time I had already been on academic probation for one sem. And it wasn't easy telling her. After that everytime she brought up the subject of my grades it became difficult to communicate. I couldn't talk to her about it. But somehow yesterday I managed to sit down with her during lunch and talk about it calmly. I didn't become particularly upset or anything. I told her my chances of getting off probation was probably 50-50. So she suggested going down to the Dean's office to talk to the Dean or one of the Vice-Deans. Said that at least when the time comes for real appeals, the deanery would have an idea of my situation already.

So I went home and called the office to try my luck. Of course getting a hearing with the Dean is never that easy so they told me to go and find any of the admin officers first. So with Aronwy's advice to get it over and done with asap, I went down to school. Nekoweenie came along to lend moral support and for that I am ETERNALLY grateful. It's never easy when you have to go face the people on top and beg for mercy. So we got to AS7 and I asked to see an admin officer for advice. But they told me that they couldn't really advise me on anything until the results for this sem actually came out. Still, I am thankful that the AO on duty went through the trouble of listening to me and trying to find someone whom I could talk to. And I'm so glad that Nekoweenie came with me. Seriously if you hadn't been there I think I would have just imploded in front of the AO's desk. *POOMFFF*

So the wait for the results continue. Though at the same time, I am considering finding an alternative path of study. Some things that my mum and Nekoweenie said made me wonder. I was quite amazed when my mum said that it can't be denied that I was depressed and that I obviously had a problem the whole of last year. I never spoke to her about it and yet she knew, even though she never found out the root of the problem. Then she said that she could never quite understand why I insisted on studying arts even though I seem more comfortable with logic-based or methodical subjects. Made me wonder why I did too. It's kind of true you know. Just look at my 'O'-level results. Then when I told Nekoweenie about it, she said why not go study something like mass communications? Popular culture and science technology all mashed together.

I'm amazed at how other people can know me better than I know myself. I always thought myself as some kind of artsy fartsy person. But I'm really just a geek inside. Even Jemalelinh knows it without my having to say it. But then you know a lot about me without my having to say it Jemalelinh.. :p I'm a mixed breed I guess. Hahaha... Anyhow I've been looking at Monash and Curtin Techological University. My mum seems to like Monash a lot. Though Curtin's got something called Internet Studies and surprise surprise, it's actually a Bachelor of Arts. Talk about cross-faculty discipline. But I haven't really made up my mind. I might still decide to go back to studying the life sciences like bio or chem. I should decide quickly though since most foundation courses in Australia start in Feb and so do the diploma courses in Monash College (which will allow me to go straight into second year at Monash Uni). And yet... I'd like to just stay in Singapore a while longer. So here's hoping for the best.

I hope.

"Why Must We Keep Fighting?"

Went to watch this Japanese sci-fi movie called "Casshern" with Nekoweenie today. I must say that I was very entertained. We both were. We were giggling almost throughout the whole movie. Not because the movie sucked or anything but more because the direction of the movie was just one big anime cliche. Seriously it was like watching an anime with live people instead of 2D characters.

Some typical sci-fi/fantasy anime characteristics:
- alternate future where the world's atmosphere is severely damaged and mutants/aliens/cyborgs/robots are taking over the world and humans have courageously managed to overcome all odds to fight and survive.

- Wars and battles all over the place between humans and mutants/aliens/cyborgs

- Enigmatic scientist who comes up with some wonderful new way of saving the human race.

- He usually later turns out to be slightly mad as well.

- Poor estranged son of the enigmatic mad scientist who also happens to be the hero of the story.

- Heroine that everyone will fall in love with and who believes deeply in the good of everyone and will eventually be the deciding factor in the battle of good vs evil.

- Enigmatic bad guy who only wants the end of humanity as we know it. In most cases we find out later that he's not all that bad, just pushed to the edge due to heart-wrenching circumstances.

- Bumbling/dense henchman of Enigmatic Bad Guy who is actually very kind-hearted, just on the wrong side due to unfortunate circumstances. Sometimes turns out to be the most insightful character despite having fewer brain cells.

- Hot sexy dominatrix who kicks ass, especially if the ass is male. Usually has little to say and absolutely loyal to Enigmatic Bad Guy. Doesn't question his motives.

- Hot sexy bad guy who kicks ass, any ass. Also doesn't say much. Second-in-command to Enigmatic Bad Guy and also very loyal. Also tends to tread the line between good and evil.

Heh. Ok. Must stop. If I say anymore then this post would be just one big spoiler and I might as well just tell you the whole story. Not that I haven't already nearly done so. When I said the movie was just one big anime cliche, i mean it is one big anime cliche. But I suppose if you consider that it is based on a very old anime that ran during the 1970s, you could say the director is actually staying true to the story.

That's not to say that the movie was a terrible one. After you finish sniggering at the cliches you realize that it's actually quite good when you put it all into context. Very entertaining and actually very very thought provoking. The title of this post is actually a line that the heroine says somewhere in the middle of the show. Although it may have been unintended (and since the original story was thought of so long ago, I believe it is so), there are numerous parallels that you can draw to the state of the world that we live in today. Stem cell issues, mindless wars, racism, religious discrimination and religious fanatism, environmental issues, our growing dependency on technology... The list goes on my friends. It's also a cinematographic achievement. Like "Sky Captain", this film was made almost entirely on a CGI background with a live action cast. Only certain sets and props were real. Apparently there's some debate going on about who did it first but I don't really know the details. Right now I am currently quite in love with the Hot Sexy Second-in-Command, Barashin (the actor's name is Kaname Jun 要潤). So hot. I seem to have this bad habit of falling in love with characters that are standing on the edge. Hehehe... I want to go and buy the soundtrack. The songs inside quite quite cool.

So do I recommend this movie? Yes, actually, I do. I thought it was quite worth it. Although my only advice would be not to watch this movie with live-action movie expectations. Go watch it as an anime, and it will blast you away.

Cool trailer: http://www.apple.com/jp/quicktime/trailers/casshern_large.html
Trailer translation:

http://www.themoviebox.net/movies/2004/0-9ABC/Casshern/trailer-page.html

In Case You Haven't Noticed...

I added a small section to the side bar called "Daily Snow". This is for me to put down my thought for the day or just a random shout out if I don't really have anything to post. Now that the holidays have started I doubt I will have much to blog about. My life is that exciting. So happening hor. Tch.

I was looking at my teeth and the dentist was right. I do have big teeth. Good. Can bite people harder next time. Hahaha.. Yes yes... I'm talking about my wisdom teeth. The dentist gave them back to me and they've been sitting on my table. My mother suggusted soaking them in bleach or hydrogen peroxide to preserve them. Just for the heck of it. Heheh.. Trouble is that one of them is in bits. One big bit and 3 little bits. That's the lower one that he had to drill before he could yank it out. He actually told me to glue it back. -_-'" I'm looking at the pieces and I can't quite figure out where each piece goes... Tooth jigsaw... Hmm...

Egads... I'm actually writing a post about my already extracted wisdom teeth. Writing about the process of extraction is one thing. I'm writing about teeth that are now sitting on my table and looking at me. I seriously need to get out of the house and do something. I'm such a sloth.

Epitome of Miserable-ness

The past few days, I have been utterly miserable. Today I am MISERABLE.

My lower right side gums started to get really sore around Thursday and by the weekend it was so painful I could barely open my mouth. So today I went down to the dentist and as expected it was my wisdom tooth causing problems. What I didn't expect was that the upper wisdom tooth was aggravating the problem so that had to go as well. I was actually supposed to make another appointment for the surgery but as it so happened, one of the other patients suddenly postponed her appointment so I could do it today. So I had both my right side wisdom teeth removed and so the right side of my face is now numb and swollen. Actually the anaesthsia is starting to wear off so it's starting to hurt a bit. Ok. More than a bit.

Anyhow. The surgery itself was quite ok. Injected my jaw was loads of anaesthesia and it was numb within seconds. The upper wisdom tooth came out easily enough. He actually managed to yank it out whole. The lower one had to be drilled into bits before he could pick out the pieces. Then after that he gave them to me and told me to go home and glue it back together... -_-"' So diao-ded.

So I am going to be the most miserable person in the world today. Forgive me if I snap at anyone. I don't handle pain very well.

On an interesting note? After I took a dental X-ray, the dentist showed me something quite curious... I apparently have an extra but undeveloped tooth buried in my lower gum near my incisors... Wonder why it's there.. Maybe I'm one of those people who had an undeveloped twin.... O_o

Random Thoughts

Who is the fool and who is the wiseman?
One who acts the fool or one who claims the wiser?

Religion: As an abstract concept it can be amazingly simple. But sometimes it seems too simple not be abstract.


*ahem* Once again let me emphasize that these thoughts and everything else on my blog are my own opinions. You don't have to agree with them and you don't have to give any response either. Especially if your response turns out to be some kind of flaming. I'm not promoting my ideas nor do I insist that my opinions are the absolute truth. I'm just voicing out whatever's in my head. So it's not really your place to tell me that what I think is absolutely wrong either.

Mini-Reunion

Just came back from dinner with some of the guys from my JC class. Yee Sen, Lionel, Stuart and Ahmed. It was quite fun seeing them again. We ate about $85 worth of Marche and then went over to Bakers Inn at One Fullerton to have dessert and coffee. And that was another $53. Damn expensive. I'm very very poor now. But I must say that the warm chocolate cake is VERY nice. Except that it's the smallest cake I've ever seen. It was smaller than a can of tuna. Anyhow there was some catching up. But in the end a lot of the conversations turned into a remember this remember that and - boys being boys - talk about games, consoles, LAN, etc. And of course Stuart going on and on about how great Sydney is but insisting that he wasn't going to migrate. Would've liked to hear more about how all their lives have been so far. I mean except for Ahmed whom I see every now and then in NUS, I haven't seen the others since we graduated from JC.

In case any of you are wondering, I was never close to the girls in my class, which is why this little dinner consisted of the 4 guys and me. SB3 back then, if you want to put it really generally, was split into two. The half that Kelly Koh (my GP teacher) couldn't stand (i.e. spoilt, brainless, bengs, lians or jocks. A fine example would be V. Pang. *pui*) and the half that got along just fine with him (the MEP gang, half the boys in the class and me). Yes... Sad though it may be... I was the only girl in a group of boys. Except for Chun Rui but she was always more of the MEP gang. So yah. No matter what the class did, ultimately we always split into the two halves. Even during prom. And I always ended up hanging out with the guys. And it was fun! The first time those idiots brought me LAN gaming was damn hilarious. How the hell would I know how to play Counter Strike??? I "landed" and immediately got lost in the map. Nuts.

Just for the record, it's not "Veetwo and her boys". I'm just one of the guys. Aronwy declared that it's the same thing over MSN and I insisted that it's not. Even though she conceded in the end i don't think she was really convinced. And really I'm just lazy to explain it over MSN which is why I'm writing it in my blog, so don't take any offence Aronwy. It is NOT the same to me. "My boys" would mean like I take care of them, look after them or vice versa, or something to that extent. It's not the case at all! We were friends and buddies and we were all just part of the gang. But that's just MY opinion. MY view on the matter. MY way of defining things. I'm not saying your definition or your opinion is wrong but that doesn't make my point of view any less correct. Whether or not it was your intention - which I don't think it was. It just came out wrong - it sounded like you were pushing your views on me. And this isn't the first time it's happened.

So just a word of advice, for everyone who reads this blog - you need to be careful with the opinions and beliefs of other people. Even your friends. Actually it should be ESPECIALLY your friends. Every individual will have their own mindset. Their own POVs and their own way of thinking. RESPECT that. Just because someone thinks differently from you doesn't mean you can't be their friend. And just because someone IS your friend doesn't mean that they have to think exactly or even remotely like you. Friendship, or any other relationship, is based on love, understanding and mutual respect. Opinions and beliefs should not stand in the way of a potentially important relationship. So yes. Respect other people's beliefs, even if you can't understand it. Stay open to ideas because you never know - someone might just come up with something truly great.

But then again, that's just my opinion. Siew Mai logic if you will. ;) Cheers people.

Permanently Attached

To my chair, that is.

I have officially done nothing - absolutely NOTHING - for two whole days. Oh. Well there was the JLPT exam yesterday morning. That went fine. Except that I think I shaded one wrong circle under my registration number for one of the OASs (optical answer sheet)... But Nekoweenie says that if I wrote my name then it should still be ok... Hope so. Oh well... It's over. No point mulling over it anymore.

I can't believe I just bummed two days away sitting in front of my comp. Hmm... Actually that's not quite right either. I spent the rest of yesterday eating with my family and watching LOTR: The Two Towers Extended Edition. Then I spent today in front of my comp. And I wasn't even watching anime... Noooo... *ahem* I was.. er... *sheepishly* playing Neopets...

Just for the record, I'm not a regular neopet-er... I just go whenever I feel like it. So very often I find my pets in "dying" status. I wonder why they nvr actually "die". Hmm.. Oh well.

Having a little class gathering on Thursday. Mainly just the little gang that I was close to. Yee Sen, Ahmed, Lionel and Stuart. Yibin might come I think... Gosh... I haven't seen Lionel since I bumped into him one day in my first year, Yee Sen I haven't seen since graduation and Stuart too. To think Yee Sen used to be my best friend in JC... Hmm... Wonder if I'll have anything to say to them. Ha... Will definitely keep track of the number awkward silences that occur.

No Cure!

That's it. It is confirmed!

I have an incurable disease!!! It might be fatal. I don't know.

It's called Bummeritis. Very serious illness, Bummeritis. You can never get off your bum.

Let The Bumming Begin...

Lalala...

Exams are finally over. Except for my JLPT 4 exam which is tomorrow all the way in freaking Changi. Dunno why they have to build the Japanese school there. Anyway. Although I should be going through my tenses and verbs and particles... I'm sitting around playing Bejewelled2 and wondering whether or not to continue watching The Two Towers: Extended Edition. I was watching it this afternoon but got interrupted by my mum after an hour coz she wanted to go and see this other gym in Novena. Why are we looking at another gym when we've got Fitness First? Because trainer Danny was given the boot and he's going to the one at Novena. Apparently the Novena gym there's no obligation to join as a member even if you make use of the personal trainer services, unlike most gyms. And it's much cheaper. But to tell the truth I'd rather stay in Fitness First and take up training with Shane again. Yes.. Shane is back. He's left all the work to his business partner and come back to the gym to slack around and spread some more peranakan oiliness. But I feel bad for Danny sia. He's really actually quite a nice guy. A bit duh.. But he's nice.

Back to the current bumming. Heh. I watched the EE version of Fellowship of The Ring yesterday. That's why wanted to watch Two Towers today. Hehehe... Can't wait for Return of The King EE to come out. Woooo!! I still think Sean Astin deserves Best Supporting Actor. Sean Bean is good too!! Hee!!! Beanie Baby!! I just thought of that. REALLY!! Anyway... Elijah Wood sucks. HE CAN'T ACT!!!! *pui* Why they had to cast him as Frodo, I can't understand. Bah. Made him look weak. In the book he's not that weak. INJUSTICE!!! Down with Elijah Wood!!! Pah.

Really doesn't feel like I'm having an international exam tomorrow. Feel very slack about it. So nonchalant hor. Hahaha... Sigh... I might even forget to go.. Got that kind of feeling. Hahaa... No no... I WILL go... Don't worry. The question is how to get there. Apparently the only bus service there is SBS2 and the nearest MRT station is Tanah Merah but you still need to take a cab after that. Sucks. Can't get the parental units to send me coz my mum is taking part in some funny charity run and my dad's chauffering her. Sigh. What to do what to do...

Survived!

Ahha... Yes.. I went for my paper, crapped out 3 essays that were all concluded rather hastily coz seriously it is madness to have to write 3 essays in just 2 hours. Especially for the last one... I didn't realize I was running out of booklet until I was down to the last 10 lines on the page and decided to flip over to see how many pages I had left. There were no pages left!!!! But by then it was like 3 minutes to the end so I decided "Heck!!" and just wrote the most hasty conclusion which is practically no conclusion at all.. Haha.

Yes, about the previous post. Sorry if I scared anyone. Basically during stress times you will see a lot of that... I tend to get very depressed. But if I actually whine and gripe about it it's not so bad. If I know myself (which if I don't even just a little, that would be quite sad.), it's most dangerous when I'm stressed/depressed and I DON'T talk about it. Think that's what happened last year. I shut up a lot about my problems and just let myself get drowned by all of them. Anyhow. Come Thursday the doom/gloom should be done with. So just bear with me a while longer.

Next battle is Genes & Society on Wednesday and then Japan & China on Thursday. Ergh. I will just go into Genes with a dice. Wahahaha...

Failing Will

My willpower is dead. Gone. Nada. Zip.

I have barely studied for my Japan and Asia Pacific, give or take a couple of readings I did 10 thousand years ago that I can barely remember and the few paragaraphs I've just read.

I want to quit. This is like the 1 millionth time I've said those exact words. Mostly I say it but then continue to trudge through the mud and the fire. Usually I survive, barely sometimes. Last year I really did quit and I come thisclose to self-destruction. This year... I fought. Sort of. I fought and I came to this point. And now I wanna quit again.

I know what all of you are thinking - WAT? That would be so wasted!! Don't be daft!! Don't give up!!! Don't be so stupid!! You're so close!!! Ganbatte!!! BANZAI!!!!

People... You're forgetting that this is someone who has got absolutely no focus in her life and who is quite known for running away everytime some great obstacle or conflict comes her way. I have no willpower. Despite what appearances may say and what some people might think, I'm not that strong in the end.

Well... Looks like it's going to be one of those times when I end up disappointing everyone in my life. Again. Sorry about that folks. Thanks for all the love though.

Sickening...

Exams are *PUI*!!!

Third paper tomorrow... Japan and Asia Pacific. Apparently the rumour goes that he will focus on ODA (official development aid). Sigh.. What do I know about ODA except that China is just one big ODA leech and doesn't even give Japan due recognition for it. Pah. Stupid communists. Ah... Ignore me.. I'm ranting. I did very little today. So terrible. Slept a LOT!!! Cripes... If I can get a C for this module I'll be damn lucky already I tell you... But to stay in NUS I need a B. Well now... I guess it's time for me to start thinking about what my job options are as an expelled NUS student.

Sigh.

Life is so full of croc shit. Plus I really am falling sick. Pah..

So I'm An Idealist...

Saw the link for this personality test on Nekoweenie's blog... It's quite accurate really, except that I'm definitely not vegetarian. Was a bit surprised by the introvert part, but reading the explanation, I really think it's true.

Here's the link:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/humanbody/mind/surveys/whatamilike/index.shtml

Your Answers Suggest You Are An IDEALIST

The four aspects that make up this personality type are:

Summary of Idealists

• Make sense of the world using inner values


• Focus on personal growth and the growth of others


• Think of themselves as bright, forgiving and curious


• May sometimes appear stubborn

More about Idealists

Idealists put time and energy into developing personal values that they use as a guide through life. They may seek fulfilment by helping others improve themselves and often want to make the world a better place. Idealists only share their inner values with people they respect.

Idealists are the most likely group to say they are vegetarian, according to a UK survey.

Idealists enjoy discussions about a wide range of topics, particularly those that deal with the future. They are typically easy-going and flexible, but if their values are challenged they may refuse to compromise.

In situations where they can’t use their talents or are unappreciated, Idealists may have trouble expressing themselves and withdraw. Under extreme stress, Idealists may become very critical of others, or lose confidence in their own ability to cope.

Recognition for their work is important to Idealists; however, they are also good at spotting false praise.

Idealist Careers

Idealists are often drawn to jobs where they can help people reach their potential. They are also attracted to careers that allow artistic creativity.

WOAH!!!

Went for a 1 1/2 hour flamenco workshop just now (dun worry.. studied in school with Nekoweenie for about 4,5 hours before that.) at Dance Circles. It was being led by Deanna Blacher, our examiner and also the founder of the Spanish Dance Institute. This also makes her the person who wrote the syllabus that Nekoweenie and I are dancing to. (O_O)

Gosh this woman is simply fantastic! No wonder she's the founder I tell you. Goodness... I felt so embarrassed as a someone TRYING to be a flamenco student. Crap!! I only managed to somewhat understand the alegrias rhythm AFTER the class. Even now I can only do it slowly.

12-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12...

Then got variation also...

12-1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12...

(O_O)
Mindboggling. Even Angel got a bit thrown off by all of us off-beat students and she was still going steady on the cajones (square box drum). Confirm add her to my list of heroes...

1 Down 4 To Go... 5 If You Count JLPT

Haven't blogged for a little while. Was supposed to refrain from blogging until after the exams but I am super sian of studying Japanese Marketing now.

Haven't told you guys what happened during my American Law exam have I?

At first it was all good. I wasn't even nervous when I went in. And when I looked at the questions I kinda knew immediately which ones I wanted to do and sort of knew which reading materials to use for it. Basically I knew what the damned questions wanted. Then as I was about to start writing, my stomach decided to have a horrendous stomachache so I had to sign out to go the the toilet. I have no idea what gave me diarrhea that morning but I lost 30min that day and ended up writing only 1 1/2 essays instead of 2. So pissed. The one exam that I cld've done quite ok in and I had to have diarrhea. Sucks.

Then on Sunday was my flamenco exam. Screwed that up big time too. Went in relatively calm but the moment I made one mis-step I tensed up and everything went downhill from there. Bet you the examiner couldn't hear my palleos. Saw her writing fervently during my palleos second exercise. Worst was the syllabus dance. Was ok ok ok, then at the last 1/4 of the dance, missed a bar and came in late. Dammit. Rose, Tania and Nekoweenie kept saying it's ok coz at least I still managed to keep to the beat and still ended properly. But I felt so bad... Tania tried as much as possible to help me catch up after missing 6 weeks. And Angel had such high hopes for my class. And I DID practice at home... I actually managed to do it about 90% perfect in the revision classes... But come to the crunch and BOOM. 50% performance. Sucks...

Sigh.. Next paper on Saturday... Sian.. Dun wanna study. Bah.

The Sound of Music

Haha... Must be something about me and the word "sound" this week. Earlier posted "The Most Beautiful Sound" by Jaycee Chan and this today's entry is all about sound!!! Well... Actually just about certain things that make sound sound better.

I have new speakers!! Courtesy of *cough cough**AHEM!!!* SOMEBODY. :) Got them on Saturday (along with a free Sakae lunch. Wahahaha!!) and have only just set them up. With some help from me dad of course. Been testing the sound and it's just GREAT!!! My goodness... Listen to that bass will you. Wahhaha... It's a 3-piece set - 2 satellite speakers and 1 sub-woofer with treble and bass controls. Heheheh... And they look classy to boot! Black and dark silver. Heeeeeee!!!

Here are the specifications, right off the box:

Sonic Gear - Sonicpower P320
Output power: 1100 Watts

Subwoofer:
- Bass reflex design
- Continuous power: 18 watts RMS
- Frequency response: 50Hz - 120Hz
- 4" low frequency driver
- Dimensions (W x H x D): 347 x 362 x 180mm
- Weight: 4.7kg

Satellites:
- Enclosed cabinet design
- Continuous power: 2 x 5 watts RMS
- Frequency response: 150Hz - 18kHz
- 2 x 3" full-range driver
- Speaker impedance: 4 ohm

Other Features & Characteristics:
- Power On/Off switch and indicator
- Bass, treble and master volume control
- S/N ratio: > 80 dB
- Distortion: < 1% THD (std 300mA peak-to-peak source)

Yes yes. And 'twas quite a good buy too! Wasn't it? ;) It is a very very nice belated (x10) 20th birthday present. Thank you! :D

Ow!! My Heartstrings!!

Just finished reading Eskie's blog and suddenly realized how much I miss the block and the hall. I mean, ok, so last year was quite a shitty year for me... But there were fun times as well and there were people I cared about and I'm hoping there were people who cared about me too. For some stupid reason I even miss that buaya lizard Yow calling me a Mummy Lizard. For goodness sakes! Makes me sound like I'm running some lizard cabaret... Went back a couple of times and found so many faces I didn't recognize, which is quite understandable I suppose. But it makes me wonder if I'm still remembered by the older seniors there. I know Eskie will roll her eyes and bonk me on the head when I say this but sometimes I even wonder if I was ever really a part of the KR family in the first place. Dunno. It feels weird nowadays.

Oh... And for the record, it is NOT written in the constitution that a person must go through Command before he/she can be recognized as an alumni of the hall. I read through the damn thing and no where is it written in black and white. It doesn't even say that you have to graduate while still a resident of the hall. So basically if you've stayed in the hall at least a year (or I think even just one sem), you can be considered alumni. CERTAIN idiots - at least 2 of them - told me it was part of the constitution. They even insisted on it. Hmph. And people (read: Master and some others.. but mainly Master) wonder why KR doesn't have a strong alumni base. Well, if your own JCRC (past AND present... well... I dunno about the newest 04/05 batch... but they better read up) can just anyhow quote the Constitution, you really got fat hope at cultivating lasting feelings.

Don't get me wrong. I am bitter about the whole "you-never-go-through-command-therefore-you're-not-alumni" thing, I admit. But I really still do miss the place. I did stay there.. No, I LIVED there for 2 years. That's got to mean something. Right?

Another Song Translation

Heh... I'm such a slacker...

最动听
歌：Jaycee 房祖名

昨天晚上我又梦见你
在梦里我看见很美的东西
可能是在睡前想过你
才会梦见你

在梦里我常常寻寻觅觅
寻找着你
是梦而已

在现实里我曾经问过自己
是否爱你
还是个游戏

我想要看见你的眼睛
听见你的声音
不管多小声
我会用心地听

不管多小声多小声
我也会用心用意在意地听

我想要看见你的眼睛
听见你的声音
不管多小声
我会用心地听

不管多小声多小声
因你的声音
在我心
是最为动听

Translation:

The Most Beautiful Sound
Jaycee Chan

Last night I dreamt of you again.
In my dream I saw many beautiful things.
Maybe I thought of you before I slept,
So I dreamt of you.

In my dream
I searched everywhere，
Looking for you.
It was just a dream.

In reality I once asked myself
Do I really love you?
Or is it just a game?

I want to look into your eyes
And I want to hear your voice.
No matter how soft, I will listen carefully.

No matter how small. No matter how little.
I will listen with all of my heart.

I want to look into your eyes
I want to hear your voice.
No matter how soft, I will listen carefully.

No matter how small. No matter how little.
Because your voice -
In my heart,
It’s the most beautiful sound.

Procrastination!!

Er.. yes... Regarding the mugging... I was supposed to have started on Wednesday. Now is the end of Friday and I've barely finished one chapter of my American Law... This is terrible.. Home is just not condusive for studying.. To many distractions like my wonderful kitchen... I should migrate to the library. Rrrrrrrr...

On a more sombre note. Let us observe a moment of silence on this blog, in honour of the passing of a truly heroic man...

Gorobei-san, we shall always remember you as one of the bravest of the Seven Samurai. Rest in peace. *bows respectfully*

Last One Today...

Ok... I have to admit that this one was quite comforting. :) And it kinda made me realize that I actually do have friends who truly appreciate me for what I am, and it wouldn't even matter if I was fat or ugly or an absolute bitch... So to all my friends, thanks for being my friends. (^_^)


B:

Your Beauty lies
in Plain Sight. Plain, simple and the girl next
door. People tend overlook you as you are the
"normal girl", but you're actually
very beautiful. And you have plenty about you to
set you apart, but more that
lets you blend. People love the stability you have
because as others may come
and go, you will always be there and you may always
be the same. You like simple
things and that's what people like about you. You
most likely enjoy things most
consider normal, like movies, shopping, that sort
of thing and are very friendly
and probably have many friends. You are sweet and
kind and that shows on you,
but you're also strong and not very naive. You're a
rather well-rounded
individual. Even though some people pass you off as
just another girl, shrug it
off because they don't know what they're
missing.

Some Things
That Represent You:

Element:
Earth, Light Animal: Cat Color:
Pinks, Blues, Browns Song:
Girl Next Door by Pilot Expression: Simple
Smile

Gemstone:
Alexandrite Mythological Creature: Fox
Demon, Hobbit Sign:
Tauros Planet: Jupiter Hair Color:
Light Brown Eye Color:
Brown

Quote:
"To the world you may be one person, but to
one person you may be the world."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla

Again and Again!

Your ordinary. You don't care if people think your
weird or not pretty. You just want everyone to
know your not a creep. Your just yourself which
makes you cool in a cool way:)


What Type Of Girl Are You???(Amazing Pics)
brought to you by Quizilla

Ok... So I have established that I am normal and ordinary... I suppose that's something to celebrate...

Quiz!! Again!

You're Normal. What is lacking in popularity you
make up in sweetness. You like school and
sometimes like a sport or two. Your life is
busy, you should be a doctor. Please rate my
quiz you are suppose to it is normal?

The Ultimate Personality Quiz (PRETTY PICS)
brought to you by Quizilla

OMG!! I'm NORMAL???? There must be some mistake... WHAT SWEETNESS?? I LIKE SCHOOL?? SPORTS???? Doctor of what??? Insanity?? (~_~)"'

OVER!! IT'S ALL OVER!!!

I have finally handed up my Japan & China essay.

I finished typing and printing out by 5.30pm, hopped on a cab by 5.40pm and was in school by 6.10pm. I dropped off at AS7 and FLEW all the way up the stairs towards AS4. Then the Moose (in all his furry glory... He had taken off his shirt and was gallavanting around in his undershirt...) comes down the stairs from AS4. He saw me and he was like, "Hey! It's you!! " And we were going "Hahaha" over goodness knows what... So I gave him my essay and that was it. It was all over in 5min.

And now I'm in AS7 stoning away coz my dad refuses to pick me up and I'm too zombified to go home myself... I might get lost. No I don't want to take another cab because I just spent $11.60 on one.

OMG... I spent $11.60 just for 5min in school.... Dammit.. No paper should be worth so much... Whahahahhaha... But I'm glad it's over. Can relax a bit before muggin for exams. Thanx to all who prayed for me!! :D:D:D

Ice Cream!!

Hehehehehehe...

I went and visited the new 7-Eleven that opened just behind my house. Just a fence away. Wahaha... No Ben & Jerry's though.. But I suppose King's Choco-Mint Chip will have to do for now. Whahahahaa...

*madness prevails*

Introducing...

*Ahem* Er... I actually thought of this about a few weeks ago. When I was er... ranting. You might remember the whole saga. Anyway I only just got down to writing it. And it's my first attempt at lyrical writing in CHINESE. So *cough* forgive me if you see any funny Chinese. My cheena vocab is very limited. Anyhow, must give a BEEG BEEG "Thank You" to Shuhui!! She actually took the time to go through my nonsense and helped me edit it. Wahaha... If I ever become famous I will make sure to insist that the agency that is crazy enough to sign me on hires you as well ok? Wahahah!! Anyway...

Here's the err... Song? Poem? Whatever... Lyrics.

安全网
By Veetwo aka 温素媚
Edited by Shuhui (^_^)v

为何我是安全网？
在你心中
到底我算什么？
认识你都两年半，
你脑袋真的那么厚？

从朋友开始的感情，
总觉得还缺了些什么。
后来发觉—喜欢你。
却你始终不觉悟。

继续当你好朋友
听你分忧，为你加油。
久而久之才发现—
做朋友太辛苦了。

无忧时就到处跑，
伤心失望就靠着我。
或许对你太心软，
现在觉得
你的忧虑好沉重。

不想再做安全网
永远支撑不让你跌。
都快要崩溃了
心也慢慢沉没了。
却还得为始终不了解的你
继续做个安全网。

这安全网快破裂了
不能珍惜就放过我。
喜欢你，却受不了
永远当个候补角色。

不想再做安全网。
为何我是安全网？
永远支撑，不让你跌。

©Veetwo 2004

I'm Krypton???

According to The Periodic Table Horoscope , I'm Krypton which incidentally has the scientific-I-forgot-what-it's-called name of KR. Hmm. What is it with me and the letters "KR"?? Whaha.. Anyway this is what it says:

Krypton, you appear as a colourless gas at 298 K, but despite this, your colourful personality and lively wit will win you many admirers this week. You will have a brief flirtation with fame, but is everything as it initially appears? Beware the Ides of March - all through the year. There may be moments when you are tempted to settle down with someone you don't truly love. Remember: Solid krypton is a white crystalline substance with a face-centered cubic structure, not anyone's second-choice date. Be true to yourself. Wash behind your ears. Stand up straight, for god's sake.

Let's dissect this point by point:
1) You appear as a colourless gas - Could mean that I need a tan. Which is true! I'm in desperate need of one.. I'm so pasty now.
2) your colourful personality and lively wit will win you many admirers this week. - It's already the end of the week! Where are my #&^%$ admirers??? Whahaha...
3) You will have a brief flirtation with fame - Huh? Fame for? Being the most stoned person in NUS at the moment?
4) Beware the Ides of March - all through the year - In the first place, the Ides of March only happens once a year - IN MARCH. (Note: according to the Roman calendar, each month has an Ides. But there is only ONE Ides of March.) Incidentally, Julius Caesar was supposed to have been assassinated on the Ides of March... Sooo... Are you trying to tell me something?? Haha..
5) There may be moments when you are tempted to settle down with someone you don't truly love - Errr.... Who ah? *shush Jemalelinh!!*
6) Solid krypton is a white crystalline substance with a face-centered cubic structure - So I'm square... and in desperate need for a tan.
7) not anyone's second-choice date - At the moment I'm not even anyone's first-choice date... :p

Yes... So aside from the horrific need for a tan, I will conclude that this horoscope is totally baseless and absolute nonsense and should only be used for purely entertainment purposes. Hmm... Actually I think that's what the author of the horoscope said... Oh well... Laugh on people.

God's Grace. And A New Perspective.

Last night I got so desperate that I e-mailed the Moose at 11.30pm to ask for an extension. I didn't have very high hopes though. I thought he'd turn me down immediately and refuse to mark my paper. So I prayed. And Jemalelinh and Nekoweenie prayed for me too. But this morning when I didn't see any reply, I thought it was all over. He wasn't even going to bother answering my inanely stupid request. So I just went over my material again, typed a bit and went to bake a cake for Felie's party tonight. Then at about 5.15pm, I opened my mailbox to confirm that the party was tonight and to look for a time (there wasn't... -_-") and behold! A reply from Moose. I took a deep breath... clicked.

I couldn't believe my eyes!!! He gave me the extension and he was REALLY nice about it! I was so shocked!! I thought that even if he gave me the extension he'd be nasty about it but he wasn't! He was really really nice!! Here's the e-mail exchange, starting with mine:

Dear Dr. S.,

First of all I want to apologise for e-mailing so late as I have been working desperately on the essay. However, to tell you the truth I have serious doubts about whether I can finish it in time, even if I were to hand in a hard copy by tomorrow morning. This is due to fault on my part entirely. Besides this paper, I had three other deadlines to meet which fell around the same time. Due to some very terrible time management, I ended up over-indulging in the first two papers and found myself pressed for time for the remaining ones.

I do not wish to hand in a sub-standard paper to you and therefore humbly ask if you would be kind enough to allow for a slight extension. I realize that the current situation is entirely my responsibility and will fully understand if you turn down my request or severely mark down my grade.

Thank you so much for your understanding and please accept my sincerest apologies.

Yours Sincerely
Van Su Mei
U02****N

The reply:

Van Su Mei,

If your paper is for me, not Professor Terada, I am happy to give you an extension without penalty to Monday (any time Monday). If you are not well or are very busy on Monday, I might consider waiting until Tuesday.

Dr S.

GOODNESS!!! Can you believe it??? This is the guy who's got an agenda against "abusers" of the English language and believes that all Singaporean students can't write proper English. God's grace is truly wonderful. Thank you Jemalelinh and Nekoweenie for praying for me. Your prayers and your friendship came through so clearly in my time of desperation. And I now have a totally new impression of the Moose! Maybe he's not just a stinking moose... Maybe like Nekoweenie suggests, he's a Fuzzy Furry Moose... (^_^)

Exhaustion

I can't write anymore. I'm so tired. I'm never going to make 2000 words by 8 am to hand in by 10am. I'll never make it. I'm so tired. I can't write anymore. I want to stop. Can I just stop? Please... I'll never make it.

The Price of Idiocy

Sigh. I haven't started any of my essays. Going to start now, of course. I just wanted to write this down first.

Earlier this evening, around 8pm, my mum just came home and she went upstairs to change. My sis had also only just got home and was doing goodness-knows-what on the computer. I don't know exactly what she said to my mother but it really pissed my mum off, coz I heard her yell that if my sis doesn't start studying, she'll pull my sis out of ACJC (which might not be an entirely bad idea. :p). But then when she comes down and sees me, she yells at me too, saying that my sis and I are exactly the same - Insisting on studying Theatre Studies when "you don't even know how write an essay!!". And I hadn't even said a thing... I couldn't understand why she brought up the TS issue coz it hasn't been an issue since I entered NUS 2 years ago. Still the essay remark struck hard. I really wanted to say something, but I didn't. I kept quiet, ate my dinner, went upstairs to my room, blasted the radio and locked the door.

Then I snapped. I started crying, threw some stuff around the room and decided (very childishly) that I would refuse to write my remaining two essays. After all, I don't know how to write essays right? So I won't. I won't write them, won't hand them in, I'll fail the bloody modules and get kicked out of bloody NUS and we'll see what my mother has to say after that. So I surfed, watched anime, binged (chocolate chips, a whole lot of chips and some bun) , watched TV... Basically I stubbornly did everything except work on my essays.

I finally cooled down. Around 2am. So now I'm even more pressed for time, because I threw a stupid tantrum over another tantrum. Such an idiot. Now I'm not even sure I can finish a 2-page essay for Genes & Society by 5pm, much less a 2000-word essay for Japan-China by Sat 10am. Sigh.

Silver Sliver

Don't I mean Silver Silver? No. Sliver. You know?? REALLY thin strip? Sliver. Ok... So don't I mean Silver Lining?? Nope. Sliver.

Mel Fann just called me to tell me that the Moose has "extended" our Japan & China deadline to Saturday morning if we're handing up a hard copy of the paper. I suppose it beats Friday 5pm. But seriously, who the HELL is going to wake up on a Saturday morning to hand up a f***ing paper by 9am??? I'll bet you the fat arse isn't even going to wake up until at least 10am himself. So why should anyone wake up 3 hours earlier then him just coz he says so??? Rrrrrrrrrrr... I'm sure moose is a regular meat in Canada or Finland or something... Roast him. But I suppose Jemalelinh is right... A small extension is better than none. Hence it is only a silver sliver of hope. No such thing as silver linings in my life. Bah.

Wanna know what I think is even more ridiculous? If we're handing in hard copies it's due Saturday morning. BUT! If we're handing in SOFT copies, it's due midnight tomorrow!! Waaat?? I don't understand. I don't understand it at all. Stupid Moose. Probably has the equivalent IQ of an actual moose anyhow. Combined with the fact that he's a male (somehow calling him a man seems like an insult to men, and that's saying a lot considering that I hate men at the moment) ... This guy doesn't stand a chance.

Mark of a Genius?

OH!!! One more thing. Remember the Genes & Society online assesment that I finished in 5minutes? I got the results back. And I have scored full marks.

Wahahahaha!!!

Bow to my immense superiority!! AGAIN!!! Wahahahah!!!

*no more screws to lose*

2nd One Down

Once again I have managed to survive an evil term paper and no longer have anything to do with it whatsoever. Whoever invented the notion of term papers should be shot and tortured and shot again.

The one that was just handed up was for Japan & Asia-Pacific Region. I love Japan, but I hate regional studies esp in terms of politics. Bah. Well.. That's over. Now in the Central Library waiting for Jemalelinh. I wonder if she'll find me before the scrap neutrons of my wasted brains turn radioactive and cause the rest of me to disintegrate into a puddle of goo on the floor. CL people will have a hell of a time killing up though... seeing as how the floors are carpeted. Wahahahahahaa...

Next war in line is with 2 essays simultaneously!! Both due on the same day. Bah.. Friday 5pm. In totally opposite faculties. Genes & Society and Japan & China. Zzzzzzz...

I will officially not be sleeping until Saturday. And then I shall proceed to fall into a coma until Monday. My brain is protesting like nobody's business. How to do two essays like that?? How? How?!? HOW???!!!

Product Quality = Product Loyalty

That's it. Never again will I use paper other than Double A paper.

No wonder goods manufacturers are so insistent on multiple quality checks. Assurance of consistent top quality products is THE best way to gain product loyalty among consumers.

I gave up on a-one paper a long time ago because the paper was just too light and multiple pieces kept getting caught in my printer feeder resulting in uneven prints or double sided prints with inconsistent page numbers and oft times a whole lot of wasted prints. Not to mention a big waste of precious precious HP ink (only because it's super expensive). Hence I started using Double A.

IT WAS PERFECT! It was heavy enough so there were no more multiple feeds, and it was thicker too. So It didn't look too flimsy when I had to print out term papers and the such.

Today I ran out of paper again. So I walked down to Popular@Thomson Plaza to go buy some. BUT!! Popular doesn't stock Double A paper!!! So disgusting. Or maybe it's just this particular branch. In any case, I walked out and went upstairs to Best Denki instead, thinking that an electronics specialty store might have a larger range of printing supplies. Turns out they were a bit too specialized... I could only find HP multipurpose printing paper. But I think, "Ok. It IS HP afterall. And the packaging does say that it's suited for deskjet printers. Quality shouldn't be a problem." So I bought a ream and went home. As I ripped the packaging apart and took out some paper, I could just FEEL the thinness. But still I thought, "Hey! It's HP. How bad can it get?"

Very bad, apparently. As I started printing out some material for my JS paper, the same old problem occurred. Freak. Wasted ink and wasted paper. Again! And with what is supposed to be a very established brand!!! Bah. So much for quality products.

Therefore... *raises right hand* I hereby swear my absolute loyalty to Double A paper.

Brain Dead

Done. I have finished.

One term paper. But hey!! That's one less paper to do!!! It was my American Law paper. Was writing it until about 8am and then I had to organize my biblios... I finally printed out the bloody thing at like 10.30am. Then I realized that I'd forgotten to add in one reference... But heck it. It was a minor one anyhow. And I can't be bothered to do anything else to the thing. I just wanna sleep. But I'm in school now waiting for Mich Chang to come along and finish hers, so we can read each other's essays before we finally hand it up to Chng Chuan Hoon. ZZZ... After this is lunch with Pukey at 2pm. Can I even survive until then? I think I'll just collapse along one of the corridors in arts. And no one will ever find me!! EEEEEEEE!!!!! .... That might be a good thing though... Coz if I'm missing then I wouldn't have to write anymore term papers rite?

*proceeds to lose a few more screws*

I Hate Kids

Wat the F***???

My sister's silly project group members just asked me if I could pose as "an imposing authoritative mother figure" for a picture to use in their project. What the F***???? And they didn't want to just wait for my sister to finish her tuition!? OMG. I tell you kids nowadays are just SOOOOOOOO irritating!

Hallo! My door is closed so obviously I DON'T WANT TO BE DISTURBED!! 4 TERM PAPERS!!! HALLO!!! Fine. Just now I did help them to find drawing block paper.. But that doesn't mean they should push the envelope!!! OMG!!! My sister is sooo going to get it... Ok well.. It's not entirely her fault. It's just her friends. BUT they are HER friends. IN OUR HOUSE. Learn the rules you incessantly babbling little shits.

I hate kids. BAH!!

WAR!!! (or not...)

FREAAK!! The weather is super nice for snoozing now.. But I need to write my FOUR TERM PAPERS!!! EEEEEEEKKK!!! Somebody save me!!! The weather is declaring war on me and my papers!!! AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!

Sleep...

TERM PAPER!!!

Sleeeeep.....

TERM PAPER!!!!

SLEEEEEEEEPPPP!!!

TERM PAPERS!!!!

SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!

TERM PAPER!!! TERM PAPER TERM PAPER TERM PA...Perrrrssssszzzzzzzzzzzzzz...

*flails helplessly*

"Half Pain" by Bana (Witch Hunter Robin)

覚えてか？この歌はあなたがくれた...覚える？

Half Pain
Witch Hunter Robin (End Theme)
Singer: Bana

例えば 何処まで 戻れば好い？
教えて。
全ては痛みを伴うほど鮮やか。

本当は
分け合えるものなんてないから、
振り返らなかった。

Fall into a light sleep 私に満ちる。
I don’t carry out 約束はやがて。
いつかの輝き捨てた
返れない朝の光のよう。

冷たい心のそばにいる世凍えて、
続きは拒めないらいほら浅はか。

着つかずにかけた感情
拾い集めて許しを求めたら。

Fall into a light sleep 一人の夜に、
I’m beginning to learn 悲しみの仕組み。
あなたの温もり隠し
溢れ出たその闇に怯える。

Fall into a light sleep 私に満ちる。
I don’t carry out 約束はやがて。
いつかの輝き捨てた返れない朝の光のよう。

Translation (From Animelyrics.com)

How far back should I have to go?
Tell me.
Everything is so painfully vivid.

The truth is -
We couldn't understand each other,
So I left and didn't look back.

Fall into a light sleep, it encompasses my very being
I never carry out my promises
So long ago, I threw away my brightness
And like the light from the morning sun, it can never return.

It lies beside this cold heart, frozen
So completely mindless that it persists forever

Numbly, I gather the remnants of my emotions,
And seek for redemption...

Fall into a light sleep, on a lonely night
I'm beginning to learn the designs of sorrow
The hiding away of your warm presence
Makes me fear the overflowing darkness.

Fall into a light sleep, it encompasses my very being
I never carry out my promises
So long ago, I threw away my brightness
And like the light from the morning sun, it can never return.

Speedy Weedy

I finished my Genes & Society online assessment in 4min 58sec. Wahahahaha!! *diabolical laughter* Bow to my immense superiority!!! WHAHAHAHAH!!!!

*Matrix-ducks all the hammers and heavy objects thrown by Jemalelihn, Aronwy and Nekoweenie who are all probably screaming at me to do my 4 term papers due next week*

Student Perk!!!

OMG!! OMGOMGOMG!!!

Did you know that as students of NUS we can actually access HUGE amounts of data from Euromonitor through the NUS library for FREE??? OMG!! And to think I spent so much time - too much - searching on the WWW for free info (most online market reports and databases have a price tag on them) when I could've just used the online databases in the NUS library!! Why didn't anyone tell me about this before??? OMG!!!

I must strive to become the nerd that I was in JC. Nerdification!!!

[Edit 5.44pm: EBSCO Research Databases too!!! OMG!!!!]

It's Sinking In

So now I know. The high that comes with retail therapy doesn't last forever. No wonder shopaholics exist. They can't let go of that feeling of elation when comes with HAVING. It's addictive. I can understand that now. Now that the numbness is starting to wear off, it hurts even more. I don't regret hooking up with Midori of course. Midori's cool and she was a good choice. But everything's just starting to register. And now that Jemalelinh has enlightened me as to exactly what's up with me, I can say... She's right. And I hate myself for feeling like this. I hate being sad. Hate being angry; being upset and I hate feeling hurt. But why the hell should I feel hurt in the first place? Do I even have that right, I wonder.

I'm starting to wonder if I owe you an apology. I'm starting to wonder if I overreacted and just used you as an excuse to vent my frustrations. I don't know if I'm feeling hurt because you can't understand it or because I can't even understand it myself. I really don't know why. That present is still in my cupboard. I don't know if I'll really just give it away but I know that it may never see the light of day again.

I'm being a git aren't I? OH PLEASE!! Just get over yourself Su Mei. ARGH!! I'm a git.