Hehehheehehhe... Yes I realize that I haven't been updating my blog. Mainly coz 1) My laptop was with phoenich... Thus had no mood to update my blog on home computer. 2) Lazy.
Hehe..
Today was absolutely zzz... Had an early morning session at the gym, which wasn't so bad really. The zzz part is when I decided to go to school straight after that. My only lecture today was 4pm-6pm with the Canadian Moose. And guess what time I reached school?
10.30am.
I was in school from 10.freaking30 am. So I decided to have breakfast at Macs... Of course it was damn crowded so I bought my stuff and brought it over to the forum benches to eat. Attempted to drag it out as long as possible by doing my readings as I ate. CMI... I finished by about 11.30am... So then I migrated to the library to stone in comfort of air-conditioning. By the time 4pm came, I was more than just stoned.
I was a boulder. :P
Thursday, August 26, 2004
Monday, August 16, 2004
Double Bah!!!
YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!
As if this morning wasn't enough... After the lecture I went down to Science to help Mel Fann and Sing Yee with their bazaar stall for a while. Soon figured that I wasn't much help by being very very stoned and decided to head home. Dropped by Junction 8 NTUC to get some stuff for home and as I headed towards the counter, found that I couldn't find my wallet!!! It was gone!!! I panicked and retraced my steps like 4, 5 times before finally going up to the cold meats counter (I got some ham before that) and asked if they'd seen me drop a wallet. They refered me to one of the senior staff and luckily it was in the office. Some kind soul had picked it up and handed it over to the main office. Everything was inside. Thank God I tell you. But the whole panic/excitement thing was just too much for me. I just wanted to be at home, on my bed, and D-E-A-D. BAH!!! I hate today.
>:(
And blogger is REALLY starting to get on my nerves!!!!! YEEEEEAAAAAAARGH!!!
As if this morning wasn't enough... After the lecture I went down to Science to help Mel Fann and Sing Yee with their bazaar stall for a while. Soon figured that I wasn't much help by being very very stoned and decided to head home. Dropped by Junction 8 NTUC to get some stuff for home and as I headed towards the counter, found that I couldn't find my wallet!!! It was gone!!! I panicked and retraced my steps like 4, 5 times before finally going up to the cold meats counter (I got some ham before that) and asked if they'd seen me drop a wallet. They refered me to one of the senior staff and luckily it was in the office. Some kind soul had picked it up and handed it over to the main office. Everything was inside. Thank God I tell you. But the whole panic/excitement thing was just too much for me. I just wanted to be at home, on my bed, and D-E-A-D. BAH!!! I hate today.
>:(
And blogger is REALLY starting to get on my nerves!!!!! YEEEEEAAAAAAARGH!!!
BAH!!!
I am pissed. With myself. This is a lousy start to the day. Bad enough that I didn't do any readings for this Monday and only realized this morning that I should've done SOME readings for this week seeing how there was none last Monday for American Law, I woke up later than I planned to (due to watching the Olympic games until 4am) and then I had to walk out of my house to the bus stop only to realize that I'd forgotten my wallet. So I walked all the way home again and here I am totally pissed off at myself. I'd miss my lecture just to appease myself but it's a seminar style module so I can't not go. BAH...
This looks like a bad day already.
This looks like a bad day already.
Thursday, August 12, 2004
Will Your Arms Open... To The Prodigal Hostelite?
I found out today that tonight was the E Block Initiation. And I found out not from an E Blocker... But from Shuhui... I know I said I didn't really care. But I guess I'm still quite sad. Then again, it's partly my fault. I didn't actually say to anyone that I would've liked to be there. So the fact that nobody even casually mentioned it to me is still bugging me... Though it shouldn't. So the whole day, I went about my business, convinced that I didn't give a damn anymore about the people, the hall or the block, since apparently they didn't seem to give a damn about me anymore. I even went over to A Block to watch Singapore Idol with Shuhui. But as I left the hall to go home, I passed by E Block. And I heard the sounds of the initiation - namely Raymond trying to freak them with his "ghost" voice - and I was just so suddenly overcome by sadness. I really would've liked to be there. I was so tempted to just shout up to them, run up to the block and joined everyone... So I looked up to where all the noise was coming from... And left.
Of course, after calming down and thinking things over. I really can't blame this lack of communication on anyone. I haven't exactly been in contact with them too, since the few times I went back during FWOC. Why should they contact me? It's a fair exchange. But I'm still sad. And I still wanna go back next sem if I can. The question now is: Will KR... or rather, will the PEOPLE in KR welcome me back? I really don't know what that answer will be.
On a funnier side? I left my handphone in Mel's room. Uncontactable until tomorrow afternoon people!! And my lecturers so far are all quite zzz... :P
Of course, after calming down and thinking things over. I really can't blame this lack of communication on anyone. I haven't exactly been in contact with them too, since the few times I went back during FWOC. Why should they contact me? It's a fair exchange. But I'm still sad. And I still wanna go back next sem if I can. The question now is: Will KR... or rather, will the PEOPLE in KR welcome me back? I really don't know what that answer will be.
On a funnier side? I left my handphone in Mel's room. Uncontactable until tomorrow afternoon people!! And my lecturers so far are all quite zzz... :P
Tuesday, August 10, 2004
Sad Case
I am a total sad case.
I'm trying to go for 6 modules this sem, to make up for lost time, so to speak. But for some reason, the CORS thingy won't even let me add the extra module that I want. I tried calling the hotline to ask but ALL THREE lines were busy!!! So I e-mailed them. Hopefully I'll get a helpful answer. I've got a nagging suspicion that it's because of my super-duper low CAP. Sigh... :'( *sob*
And I've got tuition tonight.. Sigh.. I don't feel like giving tuition when I'm feeling depressed.
Know what else is sad? I haven't watched Spider-Man 2 yet!!!! Yes yes.. this is my attempt to forget all the above unhappiness... Somehow I doubt I'll be watching any movie anytime soon though. I think the last movie I watched on the big screen was..... Shrek2? Or some action movie earlier this year... Whatever... It was a long time ago. And there are so many I want to watch!! So here's my "Movie Wishlist" (in no particular order):
1) Spider-Man 2 (I insist!)
2) Catwoman
3) House of Flying Daggers (Kaneshiro Takeshi!!!! *drool*)
4) Twins Effect 2 (Just to see what the hype about Jaycee Chan is... And Tony Leung *drool*)
5) The Village
6) Fahrenheit 9/11
And I think there's a Japanese movie too... By the same fellow who made "Love Letter", but I can't remember what it's called... Well... There are just a lot of shows I wanna watch lah...
Any kind volunteers?? *starry eyes*
I'm trying to go for 6 modules this sem, to make up for lost time, so to speak. But for some reason, the CORS thingy won't even let me add the extra module that I want. I tried calling the hotline to ask but ALL THREE lines were busy!!! So I e-mailed them. Hopefully I'll get a helpful answer. I've got a nagging suspicion that it's because of my super-duper low CAP. Sigh... :'( *sob*
And I've got tuition tonight.. Sigh.. I don't feel like giving tuition when I'm feeling depressed.
Know what else is sad? I haven't watched Spider-Man 2 yet!!!! Yes yes.. this is my attempt to forget all the above unhappiness... Somehow I doubt I'll be watching any movie anytime soon though. I think the last movie I watched on the big screen was..... Shrek2? Or some action movie earlier this year... Whatever... It was a long time ago. And there are so many I want to watch!! So here's my "Movie Wishlist" (in no particular order):
1) Spider-Man 2 (I insist!)
2) Catwoman
3) House of Flying Daggers (Kaneshiro Takeshi!!!! *drool*)
4) Twins Effect 2 (Just to see what the hype about Jaycee Chan is... And Tony Leung *drool*)
5) The Village
6) Fahrenheit 9/11
And I think there's a Japanese movie too... By the same fellow who made "Love Letter", but I can't remember what it's called... Well... There are just a lot of shows I wanna watch lah...
Any kind volunteers?? *starry eyes*
Monday, August 09, 2004
Madness Strikes!!
wahahahahahahahaha....
i am still awake... i am going mad... i dare not sleep for fear i cannot wake up in time to see off the fwocers. i currently have 6 of them lying unconscious on my living room floor. i do believe it is the severe after-effects of a very heavy bbq dinner and very heavy shots of vodka. and to think i didn't even bring out the mochi... i forgot about it... hopefully they'll eat some when they wake up in a couple of hours. wahahaha... i am going mad...
i went and did some funny quiz thing on pukey's blog... i think the results are quite cool.. hehehe.. i like...
my wysiwyg buttons are not working anymore... bah! plus my entries are not being published properly... double BAH!!!
i am still awake... i am going mad... i dare not sleep for fear i cannot wake up in time to see off the fwocers. i currently have 6 of them lying unconscious on my living room floor. i do believe it is the severe after-effects of a very heavy bbq dinner and very heavy shots of vodka. and to think i didn't even bring out the mochi... i forgot about it... hopefully they'll eat some when they wake up in a couple of hours. wahahaha... i am going mad...
i went and did some funny quiz thing on pukey's blog... i think the results are quite cool.. hehehe.. i like...
my wysiwyg buttons are not working anymore... bah! plus my entries are not being published properly... double BAH!!!
Thursday, August 05, 2004
Forsaken Child
I suddenly have this feeling of a one who has been forsaken. By so many people. I wonder why this is so.
My heart grows cold;
My mind grows blank.
I cannot see,
I cannot feel.
Cannot touch,
I've lost all sense...
I don't know where I stand.
My heart grows cold;
My mind grows blank.
I cannot see,
I cannot feel.
Cannot touch,
I've lost all sense...
I don't know where I stand.
Sunday, August 01, 2004
Revenge of My Fats (for a lack of better titles...)
Ah-Ha!!! The moment I complain about not seeing the buttons, the buttons show up. *Smug laughter*
I just realized that Rag is going to be next Saturday 9am - 3pm, and my tuition kid's make-up lesson is 11am - 1pm. This sucks. This means I won't be able to attend Rag!! Bloody hell!! I'm such a cock. I can't believe that I let it slip my mind that Saturday would be Rag!!! Bah. I shall still go for Rag Rush. Stay as long as I can to help. Then fall asleep on my student's table. Whahahaha..
Went for A CapellaFest tonight. Went with Larry, though it was kind of unplanned. It was really quite good. In-A-Chord and Akatones are fantastic!! I'm so in love. And I still can't believe that Larry once recieved a SIGNED poster of the Akatones and then proceeded to use it to wipe his windows. *Slaps forehead*
Am feeling fat again. Shall attempt to revert back to daily cardio routine. It was interrupted by the Japan trip and until now has not been picked up again. Must get into the routine again soon, before my trainer realizes that I'm not losing anymore fat... Just gaining muscle... Eek!
I just realized that Rag is going to be next Saturday 9am - 3pm, and my tuition kid's make-up lesson is 11am - 1pm. This sucks. This means I won't be able to attend Rag!! Bloody hell!! I'm such a cock. I can't believe that I let it slip my mind that Saturday would be Rag!!! Bah. I shall still go for Rag Rush. Stay as long as I can to help. Then fall asleep on my student's table. Whahahaha..
Went for A CapellaFest tonight. Went with Larry, though it was kind of unplanned. It was really quite good. In-A-Chord and Akatones are fantastic!! I'm so in love. And I still can't believe that Larry once recieved a SIGNED poster of the Akatones and then proceeded to use it to wipe his windows. *Slaps forehead*
Am feeling fat again. Shall attempt to revert back to daily cardio routine. It was interrupted by the Japan trip and until now has not been picked up again. Must get into the routine again soon, before my trainer realizes that I'm not losing anymore fat... Just gaining muscle... Eek!
Friday, July 30, 2004
Cruel Fate
I have just found out that my Japan & China module is going to be lectured by Barry Steben. I will now proceed to jump off the highest building I can find.
p.s. How come I can't see any of these "wysiwyg" html buttons that Blogger is currently boasting about?
p.p.s. Why Steben??? WHY!!! *groan*
p.s. How come I can't see any of these "wysiwyg" html buttons that Blogger is currently boasting about?
p.p.s. Why Steben??? WHY!!! *groan*
Wednesday, July 28, 2004
Dedicated To My Friends In KR
I don't know why but the past 2 times I went back to KR, it turned out to be rather emotional. Tonight was the ultimate.. I totally broke down during the teaching of the KR Goodnight Song and had to be comforted by a number of people: Kimberly, Shai, Gubu, Kendrick and Qingyou. And of course Eskie, who tut-tutted my woe-is-me look as usual. Hahah...
In any case, as I was on the bus home, I suddenly thought, "Now I know why the lao langs cry when they sing this song." And with that, a whole rush of other words just came into my mind. I've written them down and I'm planning to post it on the KR forum as well. For the life of me I couldn't think of a title so I just took the last word of the poem.
To my extended family in KR, this is for you:
The Song
Now I know why old men cry
When they hear their song.
Why couples dance in sweet embrace
To that lilting melody.
Today I turned and walked again
The path that once I passed.
And lined along that wretched path
Stood shadows that I knew.
Shadows of a recent past,
A life I left too soon.
We laughed and cried, shared pain and joy;
These shadows that I knew.
With fear and shame I hid myself.
I'd fled! And so I cried.
But without care, they dried my tears;
Shadows that were my friends.
So thus I stand, in gifts of strength,
Never to forget.
For you're my brother, and you - my sister
And I shall sing our song.
In any case, as I was on the bus home, I suddenly thought, "Now I know why the lao langs cry when they sing this song." And with that, a whole rush of other words just came into my mind. I've written them down and I'm planning to post it on the KR forum as well. For the life of me I couldn't think of a title so I just took the last word of the poem.
To my extended family in KR, this is for you:
The Song
Now I know why old men cry
When they hear their song.
Why couples dance in sweet embrace
To that lilting melody.
Today I turned and walked again
The path that once I passed.
And lined along that wretched path
Stood shadows that I knew.
Shadows of a recent past,
A life I left too soon.
We laughed and cried, shared pain and joy;
These shadows that I knew.
With fear and shame I hid myself.
I'd fled! And so I cried.
But without care, they dried my tears;
Shadows that were my friends.
So thus I stand, in gifts of strength,
Never to forget.
For you're my brother, and you - my sister
And I shall sing our song.
Friday, July 23, 2004
Me As An 80s Childhood Toy...
You're GI Joe with the Kung Fu Grip!! You're
strong, tough, and know how to kick some ass.
Don't forget though, no matter how manly you
think you are, you're still just a doll. God
Bless America.
What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Rite rite.... So I'm a GI Joe eh? So much for having 2 whole boxes of Barbie Dolls and their accessories... Might also explain why I am feared by guys all around the world... Ok make that Singapore... FINE.. NUS... OH ALRIGHT! KR. *grumble*
Tada!!!!
Hehehehe... Inspired by Eskie, I too shall post my proposed time-table on my blog. Heheh...
Hoping that I can do 6 modules this sem. Call me mad but I wanna try anyhow. But of course I won't be able to bid for 6 modules until Round 3A (err.. right?). So for the moment, my module management page shows the following 5 modules:
JS2225 Marketing & Consumer Culture in Japan
JS2227 Japan & China: Rivals & Partners
JS3223 Japan & The Asia-Pacific Region
AS3213 American Law: Language & Gender
LSM1302 Genes & Society
Then, God willing, if I can get my 6th module, I'm hoping to take JS3222: Japanese Business Management.
Yeah yeah... I know what most of you are thinking. I'm thinking the same. My JS mods are like totally ZZZ!!! Ok well... JS2225 actually looks interesting so that might work out fine. Japan & China... yeah ok... Japan & Asia-Pacific... Ergh... Japanese Business... BLEAH!!! I know.. But there wasn't much choice!! For some insane reason, the modules being offered this sem were either offered as well last sem (so I've taken them) or are totally BORING mods like the above!! I will just die from lecture-sleep overdose. Truth be told, American Law was the only module I actually PLANNED to take... And that's only my UE module. Sigh... And Genese & Society of course. I really really REALLY hope I can get Genes. It's one of the more popular breadth modules around and there are bound to be crazy idiots upping the bidding price at every chance they get. Uhm... Actually I hope I'm not one of them.
Oh please please let me get the modules I want! *screws up face in intense concentration of praying*
Oh why are they only offering Postwar Anime in Sem2?!?!?! *sob*
Hoping that I can do 6 modules this sem. Call me mad but I wanna try anyhow. But of course I won't be able to bid for 6 modules until Round 3A (err.. right?). So for the moment, my module management page shows the following 5 modules:
JS2225 Marketing & Consumer Culture in Japan
JS2227 Japan & China: Rivals & Partners
JS3223 Japan & The Asia-Pacific Region
AS3213 American Law: Language & Gender
LSM1302 Genes & Society
Then, God willing, if I can get my 6th module, I'm hoping to take JS3222: Japanese Business Management.
Yeah yeah... I know what most of you are thinking. I'm thinking the same. My JS mods are like totally ZZZ!!! Ok well... JS2225 actually looks interesting so that might work out fine. Japan & China... yeah ok... Japan & Asia-Pacific... Ergh... Japanese Business... BLEAH!!! I know.. But there wasn't much choice!! For some insane reason, the modules being offered this sem were either offered as well last sem (so I've taken them) or are totally BORING mods like the above!! I will just die from lecture-sleep overdose. Truth be told, American Law was the only module I actually PLANNED to take... And that's only my UE module. Sigh... And Genese & Society of course. I really really REALLY hope I can get Genes. It's one of the more popular breadth modules around and there are bound to be crazy idiots upping the bidding price at every chance they get. Uhm... Actually I hope I'm not one of them.
Oh please please let me get the modules I want! *screws up face in intense concentration of praying*
Oh why are they only offering Postwar Anime in Sem2?!?!?! *sob*
Wednesday, July 21, 2004
And NOW!!!!
Rite. If I wasn't frustrated enough just now, then I'm REALLY RILED right now.
Last night I sent a reply to an invitation for all KR alumni to attend this year's formal dinner event. I said I wanted to go. Just 5 minutes ago I checked my mail, and the JCRC vice-prez replied me saying that my case was a tricky one as I had not ACTUALLY graduated and so according to Master's books I was not actually considered alumni. So his suggestion was that I sneak in - BLOODY SNEAK IN - to have dinner with my block and fellow Kentridgeans!! I'm in fucking disbelief here! They're telling me to come back and visit as much as possible, even the D-block RF extended that invitation mind you, and then they tell me that I can't OFFICIALLY be there, DESPITE a FORMAL invitation.
I know it isn't the JCRC's fault. It's mainly just Master and his stupid rules and ideas. But I'm still in shock. I can't believe I have to be told to sneak back into KR. It hurts. Master should be shot. And the JCRC really have to work on their written PR skills.
Last night I sent a reply to an invitation for all KR alumni to attend this year's formal dinner event. I said I wanted to go. Just 5 minutes ago I checked my mail, and the JCRC vice-prez replied me saying that my case was a tricky one as I had not ACTUALLY graduated and so according to Master's books I was not actually considered alumni. So his suggestion was that I sneak in - BLOODY SNEAK IN - to have dinner with my block and fellow Kentridgeans!! I'm in fucking disbelief here! They're telling me to come back and visit as much as possible, even the D-block RF extended that invitation mind you, and then they tell me that I can't OFFICIALLY be there, DESPITE a FORMAL invitation.
I know it isn't the JCRC's fault. It's mainly just Master and his stupid rules and ideas. But I'm still in shock. I can't believe I have to be told to sneak back into KR. It hurts. Master should be shot. And the JCRC really have to work on their written PR skills.
A New Beginning
School's starting again. And so is FWOC. Somehow I can't wait for both to start. Well.. Not so much the going to class part but more of the stuff outside of classes. Ok.. Somehow I'm not sure that really made any sense. But yeah! I wanna go back. For once. *shudders* I'm weirding myself out.
My brother's finally gone and flown off to Sydney to start with his Uni studies and it's become rather quiet around here. It's just different not seeing him stuck at the computer all day.
Tried to organize a BBQ dinner with the FWOCers. Don't think it's going to happen. Only a couple of them replied. Look like it'll have to wait until orientation is over. Sigh. Even then I'm not sure if anything will happen. Dunno lah... I just really really miss them, and it's been a while since our last gathering. So sue me, I'm a sentimental softie at heart. But I miss you guys!!! When are we going to just chill out together again?
Argh. I sound so desperate. Maybe I am... Bah!! I shall revel in my own unique brand of Siew Mai pathetic-ness. BAH & POO!!! *rolls eyes at myself* I'm going mad.
My brother's finally gone and flown off to Sydney to start with his Uni studies and it's become rather quiet around here. It's just different not seeing him stuck at the computer all day.
Tried to organize a BBQ dinner with the FWOCers. Don't think it's going to happen. Only a couple of them replied. Look like it'll have to wait until orientation is over. Sigh. Even then I'm not sure if anything will happen. Dunno lah... I just really really miss them, and it's been a while since our last gathering. So sue me, I'm a sentimental softie at heart. But I miss you guys!!! When are we going to just chill out together again?
Argh. I sound so desperate. Maybe I am... Bah!! I shall revel in my own unique brand of Siew Mai pathetic-ness. BAH & POO!!! *rolls eyes at myself* I'm going mad.
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
There And Back Again
Year came, year past. Many things have changed.
Title has a couple of meanings I think...
First off, I'm back from Japan. Been back since Monday 1am. It was great walking around Tokyo -- alone for the first 2 days and with my mum and her friend for the last 2 and a half. Got myself a relatively good electronic dictionary for about $150SGD. Couldn't afford to get a digital camera for Mars though (sorry Mars).. Coz my mum only gave me $500SGD to spend over 4 days and I can tell you that Tokyo isn't exactly cheap. Bought a lot of sweets for the friends though. And little gifts too. Can tell you that I'm totally in love with Japan now. Hoping that I can work there for at least a year one day.
Once was there, now is gone. Once was empty now is filled.
Then I came home. And I went to visit the mock camp organized by FWOC. And I felt my heart breaking into a million little pieces each of the two days I went. Yesterday was a day of games at Sentosa and despite their repeated calls to get into the water, all I wanted to do was watch them play and have fun. It was like watching...a memory? I don't know. I felt glad to see them all, but sad as well. Today they played at the SRC and I went down again. Watched them practice the mass dance, then joined them for the BBQ. I almost didn't want to leave.
But what the new sights and sounds may be,
Some of my friends who read this will think I'm totally mad and will probably be absolutely annoyed with me. But I miss them.
There's one thing that will never change:
I miss them so much sometimes I wanna cry. I miss my block, I miss the choir, KRX, my own band of Fwocers... I miss the whole insanity of staying there. Home is so quiet I could just go mad.
I'm sorry to both groups of my friends. My friends from hall.. I'm sorry I left so suddenly. My friends outside of hall.. I'm sorry for this annoying indecisiveness.
A family. Thats what you are....
Title has a couple of meanings I think...
First off, I'm back from Japan. Been back since Monday 1am. It was great walking around Tokyo -- alone for the first 2 days and with my mum and her friend for the last 2 and a half. Got myself a relatively good electronic dictionary for about $150SGD. Couldn't afford to get a digital camera for Mars though (sorry Mars).. Coz my mum only gave me $500SGD to spend over 4 days and I can tell you that Tokyo isn't exactly cheap. Bought a lot of sweets for the friends though. And little gifts too. Can tell you that I'm totally in love with Japan now. Hoping that I can work there for at least a year one day.
Once was there, now is gone. Once was empty now is filled.
Then I came home. And I went to visit the mock camp organized by FWOC. And I felt my heart breaking into a million little pieces each of the two days I went. Yesterday was a day of games at Sentosa and despite their repeated calls to get into the water, all I wanted to do was watch them play and have fun. It was like watching...a memory? I don't know. I felt glad to see them all, but sad as well. Today they played at the SRC and I went down again. Watched them practice the mass dance, then joined them for the BBQ. I almost didn't want to leave.
But what the new sights and sounds may be,
Some of my friends who read this will think I'm totally mad and will probably be absolutely annoyed with me. But I miss them.
There's one thing that will never change:
I miss them so much sometimes I wanna cry. I miss my block, I miss the choir, KRX, my own band of Fwocers... I miss the whole insanity of staying there. Home is so quiet I could just go mad.
I'm sorry to both groups of my friends. My friends from hall.. I'm sorry I left so suddenly. My friends outside of hall.. I'm sorry for this annoying indecisiveness.
A family. Thats what you are....
Monday, July 05, 2004
Saturday, July 03, 2004
Judgement Is Passed
I have received my sentence today. Judgement is passed upon me.
I may have to move out of KR. And if my mother insists, I may have to give up orientation as well.
I can't say that I don't agree with her. Because some part of me realizes that I need to get out of it if I want to save my grades. Already I have to repeat an entire semester. But it's not as easy as that. KR is like a home to me, away from home. I have friends there. I have family. And I have responsibilities. But how do you choose between a responsibility to yourself and a responsibility to others? Aren't they both as important?
To choose one would be to betray the other. I cannot bear to betray either.
I may have to move out of KR. And if my mother insists, I may have to give up orientation as well.
I can't say that I don't agree with her. Because some part of me realizes that I need to get out of it if I want to save my grades. Already I have to repeat an entire semester. But it's not as easy as that. KR is like a home to me, away from home. I have friends there. I have family. And I have responsibilities. But how do you choose between a responsibility to yourself and a responsibility to others? Aren't they both as important?
To choose one would be to betray the other. I cannot bear to betray either.
Saturday, June 26, 2004
A Day Of Reckoning
Sighz...
This past week seems to have been a rollercoaster of emotions. Started with anxiety about taking on a tuition job, followed by elation after having survived the first session; Now at the end of the week, I've experienced sadness and anger at some incessant teasing, and today... Today was a total tragedy.
I finally told my mum that I need to repeat one more semester. She's not very happy about it, as is expected. It was touch and go for a while in the car. She nagging (most prob due to extreme shock and disbelief) and me snapping back that I've already thought about everything she was nagging about. She was upset about me failing and I was upset about her not understanding how upset I was already about my failing. In the end we reached a truce of sorts. She concluded that a whole string of very unfortunate circumstances lead to my downfall and I agreed that I would take on no more responsibilities in hall, and think about going overseas to do a Masters or a second degree.
*bitter laugh*
What a week.
This past week seems to have been a rollercoaster of emotions. Started with anxiety about taking on a tuition job, followed by elation after having survived the first session; Now at the end of the week, I've experienced sadness and anger at some incessant teasing, and today... Today was a total tragedy.
I finally told my mum that I need to repeat one more semester. She's not very happy about it, as is expected. It was touch and go for a while in the car. She nagging (most prob due to extreme shock and disbelief) and me snapping back that I've already thought about everything she was nagging about. She was upset about me failing and I was upset about her not understanding how upset I was already about my failing. In the end we reached a truce of sorts. She concluded that a whole string of very unfortunate circumstances lead to my downfall and I agreed that I would take on no more responsibilities in hall, and think about going overseas to do a Masters or a second degree.
*bitter laugh*
What a week.
Thursday, June 24, 2004
Words
Words are probably the most powerful thing any one person can possess. Words can be beautiful, they can be warm and make you smile. Words can inspire you to achieve the impossible.
But words aren't always good. Words can be cruel. Words can hurt. And words can destroy a person in an instant.
Today I went on a Fright Nite recee with the usual suspects -- fellow blockheads + the Fright Nite Fwocers. It was the usual thing. Walk through the beach, walk the house, give suggestions, dinner, disband. Only I was about the only person who wasn't having fun. One particular person, let's call him A (for A-S-S) was making digs at my weight/size the whole time, from the time we met up right up to the time we said our goodbyes. I was this close to beating him into a bloody pulp right in the middle of the Harbourfront shopping complex. It was all I could do to keep myself from bursting into tears on the way home. I know some of you are wondering why I'm having such an extreme reaction. Especially since I usually stomach such teasing with good humour and since I also make digs at it myself sometimes. But you need to understand.
That was BEFORE I decided to do myself a favour and treat my body with more respect than a couch-potato-bum and frequent stress-bingeings. That's why I agreed to join my mum's gym. That's why I agreed to take on a personal trainer. THAT'S WHY!!!
That's why it hurts. More than it should have. Because I began to wonder if any of it was working, whether all of it was worth it in the first place. It hurt. Bad.
So why don't I just name the idiot who caused all this pain? I wanted to. I really wanted to announce him and lay him to be crucified by my friends. But it wouldn't be right. I believe - though I don't like it - that he deserves to be judged on his own terms. He might not be an ass in somebody else's eyes. I cannot judge him for the rest of the world. Only for myself.
Being fair doesn't make it any less painful.
But words aren't always good. Words can be cruel. Words can hurt. And words can destroy a person in an instant.
Today I went on a Fright Nite recee with the usual suspects -- fellow blockheads + the Fright Nite Fwocers. It was the usual thing. Walk through the beach, walk the house, give suggestions, dinner, disband. Only I was about the only person who wasn't having fun. One particular person, let's call him A (for A-S-S) was making digs at my weight/size the whole time, from the time we met up right up to the time we said our goodbyes. I was this close to beating him into a bloody pulp right in the middle of the Harbourfront shopping complex. It was all I could do to keep myself from bursting into tears on the way home. I know some of you are wondering why I'm having such an extreme reaction. Especially since I usually stomach such teasing with good humour and since I also make digs at it myself sometimes. But you need to understand.
That was BEFORE I decided to do myself a favour and treat my body with more respect than a couch-potato-bum and frequent stress-bingeings. That's why I agreed to join my mum's gym. That's why I agreed to take on a personal trainer. THAT'S WHY!!!
That's why it hurts. More than it should have. Because I began to wonder if any of it was working, whether all of it was worth it in the first place. It hurt. Bad.
So why don't I just name the idiot who caused all this pain? I wanted to. I really wanted to announce him and lay him to be crucified by my friends. But it wouldn't be right. I believe - though I don't like it - that he deserves to be judged on his own terms. He might not be an ass in somebody else's eyes. I cannot judge him for the rest of the world. Only for myself.
Being fair doesn't make it any less painful.
Monday, June 21, 2004
D-U-H
I'm just so smart.
I just spent 30min in the stuffy storeroom (the unbearable heat of the day not helping very much) opening all my boxes looking for my pencil case. Decided to prepare my stuff for my first day of tuition tomorrow and panicked slightly that I couldn't remember where my stationery was. So I searched and searched and couldn't find it anywhere in my boxes!! Where was it in the end?
On my table. In my room.
I'm such a blurcock...
I just spent 30min in the stuffy storeroom (the unbearable heat of the day not helping very much) opening all my boxes looking for my pencil case. Decided to prepare my stuff for my first day of tuition tomorrow and panicked slightly that I couldn't remember where my stationery was. So I searched and searched and couldn't find it anywhere in my boxes!! Where was it in the end?
On my table. In my room.
I'm such a blurcock...
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