Words

Words are probably the most powerful thing any one person can possess. Words can be beautiful, they can be warm and make you smile. Words can inspire you to achieve the impossible.

But words aren't always good. Words can be cruel. Words can hurt. And words can destroy a person in an instant.

Today I went on a Fright Nite recee with the usual suspects -- fellow blockheads + the Fright Nite Fwocers. It was the usual thing. Walk through the beach, walk the house, give suggestions, dinner, disband. Only I was about the only person who wasn't having fun. One particular person, let's call him A (for A-S-S) was making digs at my weight/size the whole time, from the time we met up right up to the time we said our goodbyes. I was this close to beating him into a bloody pulp right in the middle of the Harbourfront shopping complex. It was all I could do to keep myself from bursting into tears on the way home. I know some of you are wondering why I'm having such an extreme reaction. Especially since I usually stomach such teasing with good humour and since I also make digs at it myself sometimes. But you need to understand.

That was BEFORE I decided to do myself a favour and treat my body with more respect than a couch-potato-bum and frequent stress-bingeings. That's why I agreed to join my mum's gym. That's why I agreed to take on a personal trainer. THAT'S WHY!!!

That's why it hurts. More than it should have. Because I began to wonder if any of it was working, whether all of it was worth it in the first place. It hurt. Bad.

So why don't I just name the idiot who caused all this pain? I wanted to. I really wanted to announce him and lay him to be crucified by my friends. But it wouldn't be right. I believe - though I don't like it - that he deserves to be judged on his own terms. He might not be an ass in somebody else's eyes. I cannot judge him for the rest of the world. Only for myself.

Being fair doesn't make it any less painful.