Hmmm...

Okok... Am over the irritation that was just now. But I'm still not going to encourage 'boyfriend-ness'. Troublesome little buggers they are. They're like... pets.. cats I would say. They require taking care of then totally ignore the trouble you put in for them. Hmm... Or maybe I'm just anti-guy in general...

Reminder to Self: Never Get Attached

This is NO offence to boyfriends of the world or to my friends who are attached. But at this point of time, I'm going to swear off getting attached. If it means spending every free moment I have with a 'HIM' and neglecting my friends, I'd rather NOT have a 'HIM'.

Yeah.. I'm just ranting. I'll be ok after today.

Back to the ranting. I've come to the conclusion that 'Boyfriends' is actually a kind of disease. They render a person helpless, take a significant amount of time to recover from, require the afflicted the person to give a lot of attention to or it gets worse and when a person has caught the disease, you hardly see that person... presumably because the disease has gotten the better of that person.

Is it SO wrong to ask for a day out with the girls without a 'HIM' coming into the picture?

ok... I shall stop ranting now before a million people come and murder me... or rather.. Before someone comes and glares at me a million times, then killing me just as many times.

Kill Bill Vol.2 Anyone?

Thursday. Moved back almost a week now and it's been the most stress-free week of my entire 2nd year. Sleeping in the wee-hours of the morning, waking up only when the sun is out and shining, wasting time and playing on my computer and... eh.. wait.. that sounds exactly like what I do in hall...

*ahem* in any case... Moved back 6 days now and I still haven't unpacked. Whahaha... All I've done so far is set up my laptop, my radio and my dustbin. My clothes are still in 3 separate bags in my room and the rest of my hall room is downstairs in the piano room. Think by the time I unpack it'll be time to move back to hall.

Waiting for 6.30pm to come so I can toodle off to my flamenco class in Queensway. It's quite a fun class. Maybe I should continue with it, and join some more dance classes. Hehehe... My goal is to be in all 6 culture groups next year. Title of Culture Queen is MINE!!! Muahahahah!!!

Wee Liam just msged me to tell me that they've now got OTHER arrangements for scriptwriter and thanked me for considering the position. Hooray!! Dun have to work with that poser E anymore. Shall not say names although it's obvious enough already. HA!! And now I can enjoy my hols with absolutely NO WORRIES at all!! Except maybe looking for a job. Hmmm... A bit sad though, coz initially I had planned to be a Production-Kia throughout my years in KR. E spoilt it all I say.. Ok... So I'm not being very professional about it but hey!! It's my last chance to be totally naive and childish and immature. So there!

Still haven't watched Kill Bill yet. I wanna watch... Any takers?? I wanna go to the LOTR exhibition too!! Jemalelinh!! Let's go!!! FWOCers!! Let's have another gathering!! *bawl*

My Less-Than-Ordinary Birthday

Happy Birthday to Me....
I am now officially 21. My birthday came and went on Monday 26th April and it couldn't have been a more... NORMAL day. The day went something like this: I wake up, read a book, have lunch, go back to KR, clean the 7th floor pantry, lock up all the pantries, return the key to office, go home, have dinner, watch tv, sleep.
How spectacular eh.

To make up for it, Pukey and I were s'posed to watch Kill Bill Vol.2 at 11.45am the next day and have lunch with Sharon and Weihan. We both woke up at 11am. Hahahaha.. So we skipped the movie and just had lunch with Sharon and Weihan and roamed all over Orchard. Sharon unsuccessfully tried to make me spend more than the $18 I spent on the Terry Prachett book. Heh. It was a fun time. REALLY!!

It's just that, I kinda imagined that my 21st birthday would be something more y'know. Everyone else seems to be making such a big deal out of theirs. There wasn't even a cupcake in sight. I guess it couldn't be helped. The exams had just ended and I was busy moving out of hall and making sure people didn't put their things in the wrong pantry. Didn't really have time to organize any kind of party and now that it's over, there isn't really much point in organizing anything. Oh well. I guess in the end it's just another day. No point making a big deal out of it right?

But you know what really takes the cake? On Monday, after I came home from locking up the pantries, I find out from my mother that Uncle Bing, my grandpa's youngest brother, died in a scuba-diving accident earlier that day. Mum drove up to Johor on Tuesday to try and get a flight over to Kuching. I would've gone as well, only I had no idea when she was planning to go and she decided not to call me back home while I was out gallavanting in Orchard Road. I could just knock myself silly.

Imagine. My future birthdays will also be my Uncle Bing's death anniversary. How exciting.

Moving Out... Moving Home...

haaa....

time to move out.. last day of stay in KR for this academic year. i'm all packed and ready to go!! except i can't go yet coz my parents aren't here yet... hence i'm writing in my long neglected blog. haha..

feeling much better after that short bout of depression... maybe it was just exam stress.. i don't know. but i'm really looking forward to the hols, hot as it is... i wanna watch KILL BILL VOL. 2!!!!!!!! it's been yonks since i last watched a movie on the big screen. i feel so deprived. SHOPPING!! must go shopping... even if i don't need anymore nonsense. shopping is therapeutic. HA!! must go!

so HOOTTTTT!!! where did the rain and the cool winds run away too???

shall attempt calling my dad again... sigh... where are they.... anyhow i need to come back for a while tonight to clean the kitchen... sigh.... irk

Siew Mai Steaming... Steaming... Ste... DRIED OUT LIAO!!! SHRIVELLED!!!

*ahem*
Once again, my first post in a million years.

Exams are nearly over. My last paper is silly Lim B.C.'s one tomorrow and here I am NOT studying. HA! Writing blogs instead. Technically speaking I should be glad that everything's going to end I guess. But I'm not. Instead, I'm feeling extremely EXTREMELY tired. I just wanna go home, hide, be ALONE!! Hang out with a couple of my closer friends, do what I want to do and... I'm sorry to say this, especially when some hall people read this blog... I want to hear nothing.. NOTHING about hall. Oh GOOD GRIEF!! Just for a month, a week, JUST ONE DAY!!! For just one. FREAKIN. DAY. I don't want to be blockhead. I don't wanna hear who's stealing food, who's messing up the kitchen, the toilet, who's neighbour is making too much noise, who's neighbour is too smelly for words. Just ONE DAY. Shit man. I know it's totally irresponsible to think like that, even more so to put it down on black and white that's public to every single eye. I'm so sorry but I'm really really tired.

I know I've probably disappointed about a thousand people with that outbreak, and I'm so sorry. God knows how sorry I am to have to disappoint all of you but I'm really not that strong. I'm not as tough as you'd like to believe. Or rather, as I've lead you to believe. I'm weak. So damned weak. I'm so sorry.

Now I'm even letting people walk all over me. I hate it and yet I don't want to do anything about it. They seem to be doing a good job of being in charge. Once again, irresponsible to think so. My term hasn't even ended and everyone's just rushing to take over the job. So ironic. I was always the kind who wants to be in charge, usually am. Now, people taking over me, whether I like it or not. But I really don't have the will power to fight back.

Dunno why, but one person who reads this blog that I feel to have let down utterly... Ms o8ight, admittedly, we're not as close as we should be considering the shit we went through together as FWOCers, and despite the fact that I was your "angel". Yet, of all the people who read this blog and really, of all the people who supported me initially, I somehow feel like I've let you down the most. And (ok.. I guess everyone is sick and tired of hearing me say this but...) I'm sorry. I tried but I couldn't stop tripping over everything. Guess I was never really made out to be blockhead after all.

I'm no leader. I'm a schmuck.

Lost & Found Blogger

I realize that I haven't posted a single thing for the longest time. Oops... Been busy. This period is... madness..

Exams!!! First paper on Wednesday!!! AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGHHH!!! Somebody shoot me. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

I have found the 1982 release of "The Last Unicorn"!! *does a little dance* Check out this fan-page: http://utd500.utdallas.edu/~hairston/lastunicorn.html Really quite comprehensive.

Now for some popcorn...

Farewell Ceremony

That's the title for episode 25 of Fullmetal Alchemist which I just watched. It was one of the most beautiful episodes of the series ever. The absolute sadness, and the feeling of a good life wasted for various reasons that comes across is amazing. When the episode ended I sat staring at my computer screen for the longest time ever. I couldn't believe it.

What happened? I shouldn't spoil it for anyone (though I think the people who read my blog don't watch FMA) so I shall not say much. I will say that one of the main characters was killed in this episode. There've been deaths before of course. But this was a really significant one, in my opinion. I was totally shocked!! At first, when it showed him gracefully falling to the ground after being shot (HA!! BIG spoiler), I thought, "Ack! Is he going to die? Nah... He's one of the more important ones, they'll probably show him happy and recovering in the hospital at the end of the ep or during the next episode." They did that flashback thing, where they showed that ONE significant memory in his life. So I thought I was right about the cliche.

Next thing I knew, the scene was a funeral. Yet even then I thought, "Heh... Must be for someone else. It's only one of those passing scenes to scare the audience." I was wrong.

Don't know why, but after watching that episode, I suddenly felt like writing. Not just to write my feelings about the ep, but also because the episode made me think. The title was eerily fitting. Throughout your life, people will just appear in front of you, then they'll leave, and maybe they'll come back again. Happens so often that sometimes you start to take everyone in your life for granted, even the coming and going. You start to assume that sooner or later, you'll see everyone at some point again. Then suddenly they leave, and they never come back. Without warning. Sometimes you don't even realize they've left until it's too late. And you've never really told them how much you actually did appreciate them. What do you do then? Forget about it? Cry? Just move on?

Learnt recently that the grandfather of someone I used to be good friends with passed away. I haven't called him yet even though the final ceremony was on Saturday. We used to be quite good friends. Things have changed since he graduated. We never really said goodbye. I don't know what to say to him if I called. That things will be ok? That I went through the same thing when my grandmother passed away? I don't know what to say. Until now. I still can't say goodbye.

Lao Lang Supper - The Aftermath

Last night was the Final Years' Supper. And it was damn hilarious.

The food was good of course, as usual. The BBQ idea turned out really well and everyone just ate and ate and ate!! Then there was the drinks too of course. Whahahaahah...

They were all GONE!! Both the drinks AND the people who drank. Becky turned super-hyper, Boon went mad, Ruiyi turned silly and basically, they were all insane!!

Highlights of the night:
- Becky, Xinyi, Boon, Hongzheng and Kelvin turning the block swing into a mini-Viking's Ship.
- Kelvin falling backwards off the swing in mid-swing and ending up legs over head trapped under the swing, followed by multiple spankings from the girls on his exposed ass
- Mavis falling back down after trying to stand up
- Ruiyi having alternate "scandalous affairs" with Yuwei and Qingyou.
- The Qingyou-Ruiyi-Becky "threesome"
- Ruiyi insisting she was still sane and proceeding to call out the names of every single person who stood in front of her for the rest of the night.
- Yuwei and Ruiyi destroying the letter E that was diligently made just to find the can of pineapple juice to make Hong Feng eat it.
- Xinyi throwing water at Hong Feng only for the water to end up all on Kendrick instead
- Mingui and Wenguang, after making practically everyone drunk on their lethal concoctions, going around surveying every drunk girl and making plans to "ravish" them
- Yuwei attempting to pluck off every single hair on Qingyou's leg.
- Boon and Xinyi throwing every single slipper they could get hold of over the balcony. Finally ambushing Kelvin and throwing his slippers down as well

Bleargh!!

Oh man!!

I'd almost forgotten why on earth I hate vomitting so much.. I was given a harsh reminder yesterday when after goodness-knows-how-long, I just threw up despite not eating anything the whole day. Give or take a couple of panadols... Yessir... Yesterday was undoubtably one of the worse days of my life. To be sick is one thing... To be sick and throwing up!! Ergh!!! I was so out of it that I couldn't do a SINGLE drawing for my Japanese Studies project!! I felt so TERRIBLE!!! My project mates were probably dying of anxiety... So I had to rush through the drawings this morning and well... They're not exactly what I would call my best... sigh...

ooch... Time to meet Yuwei for lunch... Hopefully there won't be a replay of yesterday...

Letting Go and Moving On... Can I Really?

Tonight I met up with someone whom I used to be quite close to. To put it simply, I liked him and I'd like to think that maybe he liked me too, although I cannot say for sure. At first I thought it'd be nice to just see each other again, maybe we could even talk a little.

Time really has a way of changing things.

It's been so long since we actually sat down to talk properly or even just meet. I almost couldn't even say two words to him. Or to put it in another way, he had nothing to say to me. At the point of time, it didn't seem that significant that we could no longer communicate. But as I went back to my room, and everything sank in. I realized that as much as I had proclaimed to, I had never really gotten over him.

It wasn't so much painful as it was sad. Just this overwhelming sense of sadness. It was over. Really over. There was nothing left to use to even become good friends. Guess he was only meant to become one of those passing people in my life.

I need to let it go. I guess, it was never really mine to let go off in the first place. It just wasn't meant to be. The question is... Can I?

Inter-Wing Games... Success?

First day of IWG today... Not that many people came down... But it wasn't too few either... It was fun in the end and I guess that's what's really important -- That everyone who came down had fun. :D So it's a minor success. Guess we'll have to see how next Wednesday goes.

I wonder though... This is something totally unrelated... I wonder which is worse -- being absolutely, shamelessly blatant and just saying everything that comes to mind, that you feel, that you want to say. Or choosing the right time to say something only to find that there was never a 'right' time anyway. I really wonder.

Just When Things Started Looking Good...

I swear that fate is playing a cruel joke on me. Ok ok... It's just me... The consequences of things I foolishly did or did not do. Seems that our final class assignment for Singapore Lit is to compile all our individual IVLE postings so far and reflect on them in one final posting. We're also s'posed to print out a hard copy and hand it in. I think I've only bothered to do ONE posting. That was at the beginning of the semester. Not much to reflect on. Just when I was becoming comfortable with the class... Sighz...

Oh... As for the drawings? Everything's set up. I just scanned in a drawing this afternoon, uploaded it onto phoenich's server using FileZilla, as recommended by phoenich... but I can't seem to locate it after that. It doesn't seem to show on the directory online so either I've accidentally uploaded it into some unknown folder of my own doing or I'm going about it wrongly. Strange thing is that FileZilla seems to register that I've uploaded a file on to the server... Zzz... I don't know what's going on... ;p

Oh!! And another thing. I've changed my major from a Shared in English Literature and Japanese Studies to a Single in JS. I don't know if it's for the best (or worse) but that's how it is now. I can't look back anymore. Hopefully it'll work out. But I know for sure that good ol' Dr Lim Beng Choo isn't going to be happy when she finds out (if ever she does). She probably hates me for never going to her lectures and only showing up during the third tutorial. Prob thinks I'll do really badly for that JS module anyhow. Can't say that I'm going to prove her totally wrong, but I am surely going to try. :P

Boredom -- The Essence of University Life

Here I am in the Arts Canteen using PuddleGirl's laptop. S'posed to have a project meeting now but once again I have been abandoned by project mates. Also Japanese Studies but this group is for the Literature and Film module. Such is my life. *pui*

Also just finished a wonderfully useless lecture on Shirley Lim's Joss and Gold. Learnt a lot of useless things about Shirley Lim that was s'posed to help us 'understand' where her writing was coming from. Also learnt that she mentions the female protagonist having a blow job and my discussion group mates all seem very amused by it. We were all giggling in the back row and simultaneously burst into laughter as soon as the lecture ended. Did I mention that this group is really quite funky? I knew they were nice but hey! They funky as well!! Whahahaha...

Scanned in drawings will come soon... Keep an eye out... :)

Like... Whatever.

i went for Dance Uncensored tonight. this year it was being organised by KR so i was really looking forward to a good show. i wasn't disappointed at all! It was AMAZING!!!! but... i'm still feeling disappointed. for a whole other reason.

the attendance was dismal. oh.. the whole of kr practically filled the whole of the first level of the UCC theatre. it was just my block. we barely filled up one row!!! even though we had 5 guys in dance. i really don't know what to think. somehow it just seems to shout out that i've been a failure as a blockhead. i can't even get my people down for a simple dance concert? to support our fellow blockmates? even though i know how important this concert was to people like boon and ryan... this being their last dance concert in kr as they're graduating... yet i, E BLOCK HEAD, failed to get people to care??

i... excuse me while i hide in my room to cry.

All Set... But Not To Go?

alritey then.

i have the scanner. i have the space sponsored by phoenich (who is now calling himself mr. g... goodness knows why...). i have my sketch books. well... most are still at home but i have 2 here! but i'm still not posting anything on my blog!! i'll have to wait another 1 week or so. sigh...

well... can't be helped... phoenich's blog's server is moving, and he probably has to do some file shifting himself. so i can't upload anything anyhow... but it does give me an excuse to go home and get my better (in my own opinion) drawings. hahaha...

i want more time to draw!!!!!!! where's all my time gone?? it's four weeks to exams!!! aaaaaaaaah!!!!

i have changed my blog skin. *does a celebratory dance* and all by my li'll self too!! hehe!

next step is to set up my scanner, upload my pics and maybe one day create a page to act as a gallery for my drawings. but that's pretty ambitious at the moment.. rite now i guess i'll just stick to linking up to my pics...

just woke up like an hour ago and feel a bit like a pig... and i still have a lot of things to prepare for a presentation at 4pm (though i only have until 2pm coz i got another class... booo!!!)....

but i'm HAPPY!!! so i must post...

why?

coz i went home the weekend thinking i'd go scanner viewing with my dad, since i was thinking of getting one to scan in my drawings. actually i've been thinking of getting one since last year just that i never got down to it. so this weekend, i was finally going see what my choices were. my mum didn't see the point since we've got 2 scanners at home but i was just going to have a look anyhow. looking never hurt.

i came back to hall last night with a Canon LiDE30. ^_^ ^_^

muahahahhaahaha..... the joys of being daddy's girl... wahahaha.. i only have to think and i receive... it's not as if i INSISTED on getting one. i just wanted to have a look-see. but my daddy lurves me!! ^_^

and although i'd probably never say it to him face to face (eh.. my family not big on open expression..)...
thank you papa. i do love you. ;D
next weekend i go home i'll buy old chang kee for you k? just don't tell mummy.. shhhhh....

just finished a meeting with the future fwoc chair and the ex-officio and also just had a long talk with orient. she very likely is not going to be staying back in hall next year and i know that in the first place, the way pple here live their lives dun really agree with her. as in, all the activities and stuff. it's all making me feel very very sad. i really wouldn't mind just leaving her alone, let her do whatever she wants.. or not do anything for that matter... but on the other hand... while i'm not being her friend (or at least... trying to be..)... i'm also her "boss". i can't just let her not do anything. i don't want to be her boss... but the seniors keep reminding me that i am.

"block head" isn't just a word, or a pun. it's... a personality all by itself. a role that i took on. a role that i've been playing for almost a year. but... i'm not sure if i can continue playing that role anymore... sometimes i don't know anymore. am i living my life for real? or have i been completely consumed by my role as an actress? maybe i'm really just acting out my life as others dictate.

when the truth's an illusion and illusion is truth... how do you know?

feeling quite quite happy now. actually managed to finish my essay proposal on time and it's safe and sound in Bosco's mailbox now. also, my friend actually offered to host my drawings for me! he actually created an account for me on his own website! thanx phoenich!! ^_^

of course now i have to figure out how to access the account to upload stuff onto it.... computer baka here...

then, as i was checking out phoenich's site to figure it all out... i saw this random quote thingy(which he programmed himself... smartass.. hahaha)... it said:

"if you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live" -- lin yutang

it reminded me of this anime called shingetsutan tsukihime. the female protagonist, arcueid is a vampire who, after 300 (?) years has finally begun to learn what it means to live... and to fall in love. one day she drags the hero of the show, shiki, out to spend the day with her doing absolutely useless and pointless things. watching a movie (a vampire show... how... apt...), window shopping, going to the aquarium, checking out shiki's school... at the end of the day they both learn that it doesn't matter how useless something turns out to be. "living...that alone is enough." says shiki. and they make a promise after that.

arcueid doesn't get to keep her end of the promise as she gets killed by the enemy (who subsequently gets killed by a very pissed off shiki... and for good reason...) during the last episode, and she dies in shiki's arms. at the end of the whole ep, shiki is sitting alone in class after school's over, thinking about arcueid when her spirit comes back to say goodbye. it's a sad scene as shiki admits how much he actually loves her and he would rather not have kept his promise to help arcueid destroy the enemy just so he can keep arcueid by his side. as arcueid's spirit disappears, a collage of the places they spent time together begins. the last thing you hear is a voiceover of the promise they made the other day:

shiki: say, arcueid... after everything is over, do you want to have another date with me? Let's do useless things one more time... with all of our spirit... without any purpose... without any obligations...

arcueid: it's a promise.