just finished a meeting with the future fwoc chair and the ex-officio and also just had a long talk with orient. she very likely is not going to be staying back in hall next year and i know that in the first place, the way pple here live their lives dun really agree with her. as in, all the activities and stuff. it's all making me feel very very sad. i really wouldn't mind just leaving her alone, let her do whatever she wants.. or not do anything for that matter... but on the other hand... while i'm not being her friend (or at least... trying to be..)... i'm also her "boss". i can't just let her not do anything. i don't want to be her boss... but the seniors keep reminding me that i am.

"block head" isn't just a word, or a pun. it's... a personality all by itself. a role that i took on. a role that i've been playing for almost a year. but... i'm not sure if i can continue playing that role anymore... sometimes i don't know anymore. am i living my life for real? or have i been completely consumed by my role as an actress? maybe i'm really just acting out my life as others dictate.

when the truth's an illusion and illusion is truth... how do you know?