Farewell Ceremony

That's the title for episode 25 of Fullmetal Alchemist which I just watched. It was one of the most beautiful episodes of the series ever. The absolute sadness, and the feeling of a good life wasted for various reasons that comes across is amazing. When the episode ended I sat staring at my computer screen for the longest time ever. I couldn't believe it.

What happened? I shouldn't spoil it for anyone (though I think the people who read my blog don't watch FMA) so I shall not say much. I will say that one of the main characters was killed in this episode. There've been deaths before of course. But this was a really significant one, in my opinion. I was totally shocked!! At first, when it showed him gracefully falling to the ground after being shot (HA!! BIG spoiler), I thought, "Ack! Is he going to die? Nah... He's one of the more important ones, they'll probably show him happy and recovering in the hospital at the end of the ep or during the next episode." They did that flashback thing, where they showed that ONE significant memory in his life. So I thought I was right about the cliche.

Next thing I knew, the scene was a funeral. Yet even then I thought, "Heh... Must be for someone else. It's only one of those passing scenes to scare the audience." I was wrong.

Don't know why, but after watching that episode, I suddenly felt like writing. Not just to write my feelings about the ep, but also because the episode made me think. The title was eerily fitting. Throughout your life, people will just appear in front of you, then they'll leave, and maybe they'll come back again. Happens so often that sometimes you start to take everyone in your life for granted, even the coming and going. You start to assume that sooner or later, you'll see everyone at some point again. Then suddenly they leave, and they never come back. Without warning. Sometimes you don't even realize they've left until it's too late. And you've never really told them how much you actually did appreciate them. What do you do then? Forget about it? Cry? Just move on?

Learnt recently that the grandfather of someone I used to be good friends with passed away. I haven't called him yet even though the final ceremony was on Saturday. We used to be quite good friends. Things have changed since he graduated. We never really said goodbye. I don't know what to say to him if I called. That things will be ok? That I went through the same thing when my grandmother passed away? I don't know what to say. Until now. I still can't say goodbye.

Lao Lang Supper - The Aftermath

Last night was the Final Years' Supper. And it was damn hilarious.

The food was good of course, as usual. The BBQ idea turned out really well and everyone just ate and ate and ate!! Then there was the drinks too of course. Whahahaahah...

They were all GONE!! Both the drinks AND the people who drank. Becky turned super-hyper, Boon went mad, Ruiyi turned silly and basically, they were all insane!!

Highlights of the night:
- Becky, Xinyi, Boon, Hongzheng and Kelvin turning the block swing into a mini-Viking's Ship.
- Kelvin falling backwards off the swing in mid-swing and ending up legs over head trapped under the swing, followed by multiple spankings from the girls on his exposed ass
- Mavis falling back down after trying to stand up
- Ruiyi having alternate "scandalous affairs" with Yuwei and Qingyou.
- The Qingyou-Ruiyi-Becky "threesome"
- Ruiyi insisting she was still sane and proceeding to call out the names of every single person who stood in front of her for the rest of the night.
- Yuwei and Ruiyi destroying the letter E that was diligently made just to find the can of pineapple juice to make Hong Feng eat it.
- Xinyi throwing water at Hong Feng only for the water to end up all on Kendrick instead
- Mingui and Wenguang, after making practically everyone drunk on their lethal concoctions, going around surveying every drunk girl and making plans to "ravish" them
- Yuwei attempting to pluck off every single hair on Qingyou's leg.
- Boon and Xinyi throwing every single slipper they could get hold of over the balcony. Finally ambushing Kelvin and throwing his slippers down as well

Bleargh!!

Oh man!!

I'd almost forgotten why on earth I hate vomitting so much.. I was given a harsh reminder yesterday when after goodness-knows-how-long, I just threw up despite not eating anything the whole day. Give or take a couple of panadols... Yessir... Yesterday was undoubtably one of the worse days of my life. To be sick is one thing... To be sick and throwing up!! Ergh!!! I was so out of it that I couldn't do a SINGLE drawing for my Japanese Studies project!! I felt so TERRIBLE!!! My project mates were probably dying of anxiety... So I had to rush through the drawings this morning and well... They're not exactly what I would call my best... sigh...

ooch... Time to meet Yuwei for lunch... Hopefully there won't be a replay of yesterday...

Letting Go and Moving On... Can I Really?

Tonight I met up with someone whom I used to be quite close to. To put it simply, I liked him and I'd like to think that maybe he liked me too, although I cannot say for sure. At first I thought it'd be nice to just see each other again, maybe we could even talk a little.

Time really has a way of changing things.

It's been so long since we actually sat down to talk properly or even just meet. I almost couldn't even say two words to him. Or to put it in another way, he had nothing to say to me. At the point of time, it didn't seem that significant that we could no longer communicate. But as I went back to my room, and everything sank in. I realized that as much as I had proclaimed to, I had never really gotten over him.

It wasn't so much painful as it was sad. Just this overwhelming sense of sadness. It was over. Really over. There was nothing left to use to even become good friends. Guess he was only meant to become one of those passing people in my life.

I need to let it go. I guess, it was never really mine to let go off in the first place. It just wasn't meant to be. The question is... Can I?

Inter-Wing Games... Success?

First day of IWG today... Not that many people came down... But it wasn't too few either... It was fun in the end and I guess that's what's really important -- That everyone who came down had fun. :D So it's a minor success. Guess we'll have to see how next Wednesday goes.

I wonder though... This is something totally unrelated... I wonder which is worse -- being absolutely, shamelessly blatant and just saying everything that comes to mind, that you feel, that you want to say. Or choosing the right time to say something only to find that there was never a 'right' time anyway. I really wonder.

Just When Things Started Looking Good...

I swear that fate is playing a cruel joke on me. Ok ok... It's just me... The consequences of things I foolishly did or did not do. Seems that our final class assignment for Singapore Lit is to compile all our individual IVLE postings so far and reflect on them in one final posting. We're also s'posed to print out a hard copy and hand it in. I think I've only bothered to do ONE posting. That was at the beginning of the semester. Not much to reflect on. Just when I was becoming comfortable with the class... Sighz...

Oh... As for the drawings? Everything's set up. I just scanned in a drawing this afternoon, uploaded it onto phoenich's server using FileZilla, as recommended by phoenich... but I can't seem to locate it after that. It doesn't seem to show on the directory online so either I've accidentally uploaded it into some unknown folder of my own doing or I'm going about it wrongly. Strange thing is that FileZilla seems to register that I've uploaded a file on to the server... Zzz... I don't know what's going on... ;p

Oh!! And another thing. I've changed my major from a Shared in English Literature and Japanese Studies to a Single in JS. I don't know if it's for the best (or worse) but that's how it is now. I can't look back anymore. Hopefully it'll work out. But I know for sure that good ol' Dr Lim Beng Choo isn't going to be happy when she finds out (if ever she does). She probably hates me for never going to her lectures and only showing up during the third tutorial. Prob thinks I'll do really badly for that JS module anyhow. Can't say that I'm going to prove her totally wrong, but I am surely going to try. :P

Boredom -- The Essence of University Life

Here I am in the Arts Canteen using PuddleGirl's laptop. S'posed to have a project meeting now but once again I have been abandoned by project mates. Also Japanese Studies but this group is for the Literature and Film module. Such is my life. *pui*

Also just finished a wonderfully useless lecture on Shirley Lim's Joss and Gold. Learnt a lot of useless things about Shirley Lim that was s'posed to help us 'understand' where her writing was coming from. Also learnt that she mentions the female protagonist having a blow job and my discussion group mates all seem very amused by it. We were all giggling in the back row and simultaneously burst into laughter as soon as the lecture ended. Did I mention that this group is really quite funky? I knew they were nice but hey! They funky as well!! Whahahaha...

Scanned in drawings will come soon... Keep an eye out... :)

Like... Whatever.

i went for Dance Uncensored tonight. this year it was being organised by KR so i was really looking forward to a good show. i wasn't disappointed at all! It was AMAZING!!!! but... i'm still feeling disappointed. for a whole other reason.

the attendance was dismal. oh.. the whole of kr practically filled the whole of the first level of the UCC theatre. it was just my block. we barely filled up one row!!! even though we had 5 guys in dance. i really don't know what to think. somehow it just seems to shout out that i've been a failure as a blockhead. i can't even get my people down for a simple dance concert? to support our fellow blockmates? even though i know how important this concert was to people like boon and ryan... this being their last dance concert in kr as they're graduating... yet i, E BLOCK HEAD, failed to get people to care??

i... excuse me while i hide in my room to cry.

All Set... But Not To Go?

alritey then.

i have the scanner. i have the space sponsored by phoenich (who is now calling himself mr. g... goodness knows why...). i have my sketch books. well... most are still at home but i have 2 here! but i'm still not posting anything on my blog!! i'll have to wait another 1 week or so. sigh...

well... can't be helped... phoenich's blog's server is moving, and he probably has to do some file shifting himself. so i can't upload anything anyhow... but it does give me an excuse to go home and get my better (in my own opinion) drawings. hahaha...

i want more time to draw!!!!!!! where's all my time gone?? it's four weeks to exams!!! aaaaaaaaah!!!!

i have changed my blog skin. *does a celebratory dance* and all by my li'll self too!! hehe!

next step is to set up my scanner, upload my pics and maybe one day create a page to act as a gallery for my drawings. but that's pretty ambitious at the moment.. rite now i guess i'll just stick to linking up to my pics...

just woke up like an hour ago and feel a bit like a pig... and i still have a lot of things to prepare for a presentation at 4pm (though i only have until 2pm coz i got another class... booo!!!)....

but i'm HAPPY!!! so i must post...

why?

coz i went home the weekend thinking i'd go scanner viewing with my dad, since i was thinking of getting one to scan in my drawings. actually i've been thinking of getting one since last year just that i never got down to it. so this weekend, i was finally going see what my choices were. my mum didn't see the point since we've got 2 scanners at home but i was just going to have a look anyhow. looking never hurt.

i came back to hall last night with a Canon LiDE30. ^_^ ^_^

muahahahhaahaha..... the joys of being daddy's girl... wahahaha.. i only have to think and i receive... it's not as if i INSISTED on getting one. i just wanted to have a look-see. but my daddy lurves me!! ^_^

and although i'd probably never say it to him face to face (eh.. my family not big on open expression..)...
thank you papa. i do love you. ;D
next weekend i go home i'll buy old chang kee for you k? just don't tell mummy.. shhhhh....

just finished a meeting with the future fwoc chair and the ex-officio and also just had a long talk with orient. she very likely is not going to be staying back in hall next year and i know that in the first place, the way pple here live their lives dun really agree with her. as in, all the activities and stuff. it's all making me feel very very sad. i really wouldn't mind just leaving her alone, let her do whatever she wants.. or not do anything for that matter... but on the other hand... while i'm not being her friend (or at least... trying to be..)... i'm also her "boss". i can't just let her not do anything. i don't want to be her boss... but the seniors keep reminding me that i am.

"block head" isn't just a word, or a pun. it's... a personality all by itself. a role that i took on. a role that i've been playing for almost a year. but... i'm not sure if i can continue playing that role anymore... sometimes i don't know anymore. am i living my life for real? or have i been completely consumed by my role as an actress? maybe i'm really just acting out my life as others dictate.

when the truth's an illusion and illusion is truth... how do you know?

feeling quite quite happy now. actually managed to finish my essay proposal on time and it's safe and sound in Bosco's mailbox now. also, my friend actually offered to host my drawings for me! he actually created an account for me on his own website! thanx phoenich!! ^_^

of course now i have to figure out how to access the account to upload stuff onto it.... computer baka here...

then, as i was checking out phoenich's site to figure it all out... i saw this random quote thingy(which he programmed himself... smartass.. hahaha)... it said:

"if you can spend a perfectly useless afternoon in a perfectly useless manner, you have learned how to live" -- lin yutang

it reminded me of this anime called shingetsutan tsukihime. the female protagonist, arcueid is a vampire who, after 300 (?) years has finally begun to learn what it means to live... and to fall in love. one day she drags the hero of the show, shiki, out to spend the day with her doing absolutely useless and pointless things. watching a movie (a vampire show... how... apt...), window shopping, going to the aquarium, checking out shiki's school... at the end of the day they both learn that it doesn't matter how useless something turns out to be. "living...that alone is enough." says shiki. and they make a promise after that.

arcueid doesn't get to keep her end of the promise as she gets killed by the enemy (who subsequently gets killed by a very pissed off shiki... and for good reason...) during the last episode, and she dies in shiki's arms. at the end of the whole ep, shiki is sitting alone in class after school's over, thinking about arcueid when her spirit comes back to say goodbye. it's a sad scene as shiki admits how much he actually loves her and he would rather not have kept his promise to help arcueid destroy the enemy just so he can keep arcueid by his side. as arcueid's spirit disappears, a collage of the places they spent time together begins. the last thing you hear is a voiceover of the promise they made the other day:

shiki: say, arcueid... after everything is over, do you want to have another date with me? Let's do useless things one more time... with all of our spirit... without any purpose... without any obligations...

arcueid: it's a promise.

just woke up (and before my wake up call too! history is made!) and just rechecked my e-mail. yes, my other project meeting has been postponed apparently and they are once again going to meet at a time when i cannot make it. why do they seem to like to meet on mondays 4pm when i'm sure i told them i cldn't make it mondays 4pm? oh but i'm not in a position to complain since i joined the group quite quite late.... but still... so i'm still in disbelief and i've made myself unsure of whether i should just not bother today or actually go to the place and try and see if anyone shows up.

well... time for breakfast... maybe i'll just stay in my room today and finish that proposal for singapore lit....

it has not been a good day. first, kena tua-ed by my project mates, got stranded by the rain, then had to go clem to buy 10litres of dishwashing detergent all by my lonesome self. then this evening had to call down people for International Relations Nite in my hall which is not so bad in itself. but the fact that no one bothered to come down is just plain irritating. well... i s'pose that one reason is that today was a bad time to have such an event. thursdays are ivp handball training days for guys and girls, and my block being the handball block, it was practically empty to start with. but the attendance was really sucky beyond recognition. then kitchenette duty after that. NO ONE CAME DOWN!! except for sophi and siqi. even the seniors i thought i could depend on. wat the ****! now i've got an essay proposal due and i still haven't even begun to write it. X_X

oh well.. at least i've read the text...

ooh... excitement of the week: peeping tom spotted in B-block. B-block always gets the peeping tom for some reason. lalala...

hmm... ok... i've tried to put in a chatterbox and i've tried to change the size of my text... but apparently none of it is registering... even though i've republished it? at least that's what the preview shows me... ?_?

edit - 7.28pm: ah... ok.. after a couple of refreshes... the changes have registered... *does a little dance*

right. i'm finally back in my room and realized that i have absolutely no idea how to do this blog thing. possessing zero programming skills and having absolutely forgotten all of whatever html coding i learnt more than 5 years ago, i have officially no way of changing the look of my blog now. i looked through the help section and took a look at the template coding and gave up in about 10s. then i read that unless i have an ftp site to upload my pictures onto, i'm never ever going to get my drawings onto this thing... T_T this blog will never take flight people. you can stop reading now...

now i'm sleepy but i still got to go clementi to get dishwashing detergent... don't i just love my life...

My first post on my latest foray into the world of online journals... Not that I've done any of this before... Nothing exciting yet, since I've only just started and probably will take a while to get the whole thing nicely done up. Hopefully will get nice image to use as background. Maybe even design my own logo, like silly old Phoenich. Damn.. I'm being influenced by him and Eskie and Mars. I wouldn't have thought of doing a blog otherwise.

Anyhows... I'm in NUS now.. at the central forum feeling sorry for myself since I've been abandoned by my project group mates. All decided they couldn't make it suddenly for one reason or the other. The one having lunch at the moment takes the cake. But... I suppose if it weren't for them I wouldn't have started on this blog thingy.

Planning to use this blog as a space to share my drawings and stuff... I'm not much of an artist actually... Just someone pretending to be able to draw... hahaha.. Of course.. I'll need to get myself a scanner to put in my room first... Don't really relish going home every week just to scan a couple of pictures in to the computer at home, then e-mailing to my laptop in Kent Ridge Hall, then going back after the weekend to upload it onto this blog. It's crazy..

And crappyshit it's raining... Now I'm REALLY stuck in the central forum...