A Future In Popcorn?

Well... I went down to Heeren today to check out the store which placed an ad in the classifieds. Turned out to be this beach/swim/sports wear store called NewUrbanMale, which did have a small section for ladies wear but catered mainly to the New Urban Male. So in slight shock, I decided to walk around the Annex for a while to see if there were other options and also to decide whether or not to go into NewUrbanMale and ask about the job. There were two other stores which placed an ad on their windows, one was a ladies clothing store and the other was a little store which sold only sunglasses. So after some discussion with Nekoweenie, I went into the ladies clothing store to ask about the job. I was turned down immediately. Why? No retail experience. Sigh. The only complaint I have is that the ad on the window didn't specify that retail experience was required. But I suppose I should have expected that. So stupid.

Anyway, after that rather embarressing encounter, I hung around wondering about NewUrbanMale for a little while, then decided not to pursue it since they probably want someone with retail experience also, just that they couldn't afford so many lines in the classifieds. Felt a little depressed after that so left to go to FitnessFirst for a short run on the treadmill in hopes that the resultant endorphines would cheer me up. After a 35minute session on the machine, went and showered and proceeded to go home... Not feeling any different. If anything I was getting slightly more depressed about the whole thing. I need working experience to get a job but if I don't get a job I'll never get any working experience. What a paradox. And it's true which makes it suck all the more. Sigh. I've only ever worked 3 1/2 months in NUH as a temp admin assistant... But only because I managed to land a lobang from my aunt. I don't think it really counts for much. Haiz. Will I really end up popping corn and issuing tickets and mopping floors for GV?

Extra Update

Ooop.. Just realized that an entry about curry puffs is quite a far cry from the one before (which had the most crying I ever had in a single entry) and I should actually update people as to how I'm doing now in the emotional state department or whether I've just gone and lost all sense of sanity.

I'm doing ok. Still freaked out about having to go look for a job even though I have very little working experience and no degree to speak of. But it helped that on that particular day I wrote that prayer, somebody called me up and instead of telling me of things I should be doing, listened to me cry over the phone. Even though I probably wasn't very comprehensible, this person listened anyway and when I stopped talking to sob - which was a number of times - kept silent and never once asked me to stop. I woke up the next day with my eyes slightly swollen but I did feel much better. Still freaked but at least it's not the end of the world anymore. That one phone call helped me deal with the fear inside so I'm really grateful for my friend. I needed to cry and I needed someone to cry to, without any interruptions. So now I'm done crying and I've learnt that there's actually someone who's willing to listen to me cry. And that helps. :)

Now I just have to see about that job...

Never-ending Job Hunt... And Curry Puffs

Had a curry puff just now, but I think it's been justified by the fact that I walked all the way to Junction 8 and then walked all the way back again. Heh. Went there to do some grocery shopping at NTUC with my sis and the maid, but in the end we only managed to get half of what we wanted to buy at the neighbourhood Prime Supermarket on the way back. We actually managed to find everything at NTUC and we were lining up at the checkout counter already when the system suddenly hung. It was quite amusing. All the counters except for one couldn't operate. So there was this one amazingly long queue right at the very end, all the other cashiers were in a mild panic and the floor supervisor looked like he was about to cry. Most of the customers rushed over to the one working counter while some patiently waited in their original queue. I think by the time we left the working queue had stretched from the counters to the opposite wall.. I'm not very sure but it was a bloody lot of people. Other customers who were in a rush or decided it wasn't worth waiting so long just quietly put their groceries back or left them with the NTUC people and left. And from the chaos emerged the much feared Ugly Singaporeans, madly steering their carts towards the working queue to try and claim a space or making demands at the crew who really couldn't do anything since this was an overall system failure. One particular woman came up to the nice auntie serving our counter and asked if she could just pay up without scanning all the groceries. Of course the auntie said no, cannot. Because they'd have to account for the stock. The woman's face became really really black and she very discourteously and loudly exclaimed, "HUH!! FORGET IT!" and stormed out. Come on!! It's nobody's fault here. What's the point at shouting demands at the counter crew when they themselves have no idea what triggered the system failure? And they're probably at a greater disadvantage than we are since they're the ones who are about to lose hundreds of dollars tonight. We just have to change our dinner plans for tomorrow. Tsk...

Anyhow, I finally recieved an official letter from NUS stating that my appeal has been rejected. I sent in the appeal on the 3rd and the referrals on the 5th. This letter they sent was dated the 20th and today is the 25th. Yup. NUS is indeed a world-class university in terms of efficiency. Ahh.. Not that it matters anymore.

Still looking for a job. Going down to Heeren tomorrow to try my luck after seeing a very very tiny ad in the classifieds today about some clothing store there that needs people. I suppose manning a store is slightly better than being service/counter crew at GV. But maybe if I don't get the clothing store job I will apply to be counter crew for GV... Hahaha... A job's a job right? Somebody has to do it anyway.

Unless... Somebody's got a lobang hidden away somewhere... Anyone with a family cafe that needs help? Lalalala...

I want another curry puff... *drool*

My Prayer

God,

Let the tears that need to fall, fall.
Tell my heart it's alright to weep, to wash away my fears.

I know what I need to do, Lord.
Everybody's helping too, telling me what I need to do.
I'm thankful, Lord, really, that everyone tries to help.
But Lord, please understand:
I need to deal with being scared first.

I've never been so scared.
I'm crying as I type. And that scares me too.
I don't know how to deal with fear, because it's never been so real.

I don't know what to say to people,
Coz I think that they're scared too.
They're scared of saying something wrong.
Coz that might piss me off some more.
At least, that's what I think.

That's why I'm writing this here, Lord,
Even though it's more for you than anyone else.
But it's easier to explain myself when I'm talking to you.
So I hope you'll let me share my prayer to friends, or those who would be friends.
Coz I think they'd like to know too. I hope.

I need to deal with this and I know what must be done.
But for the moment, God,
Please could you hold my hands? - they're shaking really hard -
Then, just for a while, just let me cry a while.

WARNING!!: Super Rant Entry

This is a total rant-fest. So if you're sick of me whining and ranting and complaining, just stop reading now. I MEAN IT!

I'm sorry to continue whining, but I've finally figured out that I'm really very scared. I don't know what's going to happen and damned if I know what I'm supposed to do. It's kind of like I've become trapped in some time nexus and am in suspended reality while everyone else's life goes on as usual outside of this wall I'm closed behind. Yes yes... I know... Go find a job. Go sign up for a course in something-or-other. Do this, do that. I know all that. And I'm trying. But I'm still scared as hell. I just e-mailed Kuldip to ask for another testimonial that's more general (i.e. addressed "to Whom it may concern") so that I could include it in all my applications, and he asked that I give him a CV that he can refer to. A Curriculum Vitae (some websites I went to argue it should be Vita since we only lead one life per person [in most cases anyway] but Vitae seems to be the most common usage... I digress..)!!! I've always known there'd come a day I'd have to write a professional CV but now??? What am I going to include?? Education: University (uncompleted) ??? OMG!!!! I'm totally freaking out. Then today I finally remembered that I should somehow try to get an official record of my student activities in NUS. Must go and find that bloody white card and fill it in and get KR JCRC to sign it. RJ can sign for me??? *SOBS* I think I need to find a time where I can just totally rant and cry my heart out and I need to find someone to do it with. But somehow I just can't when I really want to. I think it's out of habit. I've somehow managed to condition myself not to cry too often. This is bad. All this angst building up is totally unhealthy. I need help. *wails out Smallville theme* Somebody saaaaaaaaaavvvvveee meeeeee...!!!

HELP!!! *freaks out some more* HEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLPPP!!! *uber-freak-out*

Lost In the Snow
Russell Watson

Rise and shine
Wake up your sleepy head
Cause now it's time to leave your cozy bed
As the dawn is waking
A new adventure is waiting

Walking hand in hand
Out of Christmas time and into wonderland
With your best friend
Your dream has just come true
And you won't believe it's you
Its happening to
You're lost in the snow

As night time falls
You cry
In your darkest fears
You think you've lost your friend
Who will dry your tears
But a new light is dawning, and a new day's calling

Walking hand in hand
Out of Christmas time and into wonderland
With your best friend
Your dream has just come true
And you can't believe it's you
That holds the dream
You're lost in the snow
You're lost in the snow

Though you feel lost without her
Soon the night time will be over

And you'll be walking hand in hand
Out of Christmas time and into wonderland
With your best friend
Your dream has just come true
And you won't believe it's you
It's happening to
You're lost in the snow
You're lost in the snow

My Intellect

You scored as Verbal/Linguistic. You have highly developed auditory skills, enjoy reading and writing and telling stories, and are good at getting your point across. You learn best by saying and hearing words. People like you include poets, authors, speakers, attorneys, politicians, lecturers and teachers.

Verbal/Linguistic		57%
Musical/Rhythmic		54%
Bodily/Kinesthetic		54%
Logical/Mathematical		54%
Visual/Spatial		50%
Intrapersonal		50%
Interpersonal		39%

The Rogers Indicator of Multiple Intelligences
created with QuizFarm.com

Ahem!! *adjusts half-rimmed glasses and stares over them* Well now...

Paperwork.. BAH!!

Went out with Jemalelinh yesterday coz it was her b'day. Robbed her of her Latin books in Borders and bought them for her instead as a birthday present, seeing how I had put off buying her present until the very last minute. Then we hung around for a little while before going up to Sakae Sushi to stuff ourselves during the buffet. Hirhirhir.. I still managed to secure a student discount even though my student card is now defunct. Hirhirhir... Should make a career out of this.. Siew Mai: Professional Con-student. Whahaha..!! Anyhow... After crawling out of Sakae we rolled over to Tanglin shopping centre to have coffee at Jemalelinh's friend's deli. It was serious over-eating... I'm still feeling the effects of it today. I can't believe that the weighing scale didn't move when I weighed myself today. So amazing.

Anyway, went down to ACJC and MGS to get the copies of my old certs stamped and certified. The MGS admin was really nice about it, even though I had like... 10 sets of papers to sign. For MG this included my 'O' level cert, ECA report and leaving cert. So the poor woman at the front desk had to stamp and sign 30 pieces of paper for me while answering dunno-how-many phone calls, and still managed to keep up a friendly conversation with me inbetween it all. It was the ACJC admin that really put me off.

I actually went down yesterday before I went to meet up with Jemalelinh but I'd forgotten my originals so they couldn't verify it for me. So I went back today with my originals in tow. The same woman who spoke to me yesterday saw me and asked if I'd brought my originals today. So I said yes and was about to pass everything to her when she just plopped the ink pad and the stamp in front of me. When I looked at the things on the front desk and looked back at her with question marks all over my face, she told me to finish stamping everything first and then pass it all back to her. Then she wandered off to go and gossip to some other admin person. I was like... Diao... Ok lor... So I stood at the front desk looking like an idiot and proceeded to stamp all 10 sets of copies.

After stamping two sets she came back and said that ok, she'd sign as I finished stamping. So I thought.. Ok lah.. Not so bad. Macam like some kind of production line, also quite efficient lah hor... So she took my two stamped sets of paper and proceeded to walk around the office like she was in search of something. I shall give her the benefit of the doubt by assuming she was looking for a pen. After going one whole round miraculously never finding a single pen, she comes back and says that she will just wait until I finish stamping everything coz there's no place for her to sit down at the front desk! I look down and true enough there are like tons of boxes there which just goes to show that the ACJC admin is about as organized as they are efficient. So she gives me back the two still unsigned sets of copies and proceeds to go gossip with her friend again.

Finally I finish stamping and look up to find her still talking to the other admin pple. I try to catch her eye and smile but instead she goes off to the other side of the office and starts talking to another person. Even when she's looking me straight in the eye, she continues talking and refuses to come over!!! And the other admin people in the office don't even bother to come forward to help me even though by now I've been standing there holding the stamped copies for about 5 minutes. I'm really irritated by now and then another woman comes into the office and asks if she can help me as soon as she sees me. She was nice enough about it and said she'd take the copies to put on the first woman's desk for her to sign and tells me to just take a seat. As soon as I sit down the irritating woman finally comes out and asks where my copies are. When I tell her they're on her desk now, she says ok, come back later to collect them. I stared at her since I couldn't understand why she couldn't just sign them now. I mean, if she's so free that she can just walk around the office talking to other people... This woman just stares back and says yah yah, go have lunch or walk around or something. Just come back later.

I mean... COME ON!! This is just plain unprofessional and inefficient. I seriously don't see how the MGS admin can be so nice about it and ACJC admin makes it known that it's such a chore. COMPLETE NONSENSE!!! Pah. Anyway I finally collected the copies an hour later and went down to NUS to meet Jemalelinh and ask the Registrar's Office for a transcript, which I will have to photocopy and certify as well (sigh). As I was filling up the request form... I started thinking about the one year's worth of Fs which will most likely just offset the other 3 sems of not too bad Bs and Cs. Wondered if I will get rejected by all the unis I'm applying to when they see the Fs. I started getting really upset by it coz truthfully speaking, it's a very scary thought... And it's damn scary trying to pick up the pieces and start all over again. I kinda snapped at Jemalelinh after getting on my own nerves... So yes.. I'm sorry I snapped.. :( I didn't mean to.

Shane trying to help me get a job at the hotel where his cousin is working. Maybe front desk assistant or something. It's at the Inter-Continental Hotel in Bugis. A bit scary. Always felt that finding a job is damn scary, even if it's found through lobangs. Even the time when I started work at NUH, the first day I went in to meet the HR person I was breaking out in cold sweat and my voice was all squeaky. Rrrrrr... Hopefully I don't screw things up if I get this job. They SHOULD provide training right??? *scared look* I don't want to get fired on my first day for messing up some reservation or some check-in... Eeeeep... *squeak**gulp*

Inescapable Fate

Before I start my long sad story for the day, some updates on my somewhat screwed up mundane life:

My mother and I have worked out that I do actually need to go down to MGS and ACJC to get the copies of my school certs stamped and certified so that's going to happen tomorrow. And I'm also going to have to e-mail Kuldip for another character testimonial. *pui pui pui* NUS still hasn't sent any response as to my appeal and both my mother and I have concluded that it's probably not worth the grief to pursue it. Anyway I've done my part according to the book so now it's their job. So now my mother is encouraging (read: nagging) me to go and find some life skills courses like secretarial courses or beauty/grooming courses to join. SIGH!!! But I guess she's right. I can't just sit around all day right? Sigh. Probably should go and find a job also. Anyone need a house-cleaner? Can only clean. Can't cook. Or rather can only cook limited things. Laundry also can. :p Clothes are down one size!!! *cheer* Went shopping with mum on Saturday and when my mum presented me with a pair of size 14 jeans to try the salesgirl said that it looks too big for me and that I look more like a size 12. *cheer* So now I even LOOK smaller. Good. Must keep losing weight. Aim to go down to size 8. Ganbatte!!

Ok. Now I start my main entry. Found out yesterday morning that James Creffield passed away. If the surname sounds familiar to some it's because he was the husband of Geetha Creffield. For those who don't know completely, Geetha was my drama teacher in ACJC. The funeral was held at the Mandai Crematorium today. So I went down to pay my respects. I was amazed but not surprised at the number of people that turned up. The Creffields were loved and respected by many people. Besides friends and family, the entire staff of the ACJC faculty turned up and of course, her class students and her drama and debate students. Even alumni turned up. It was a very touching sight. James had gone rockclimbing near Bukit Timah Hill on Saturday morning and met with an accident that claimed his life. I don't know the details of the accident but I know that he was with his close friends, so thank God he wasn't alone when it happened. It was ironic though, because barely a month ago James and Geetha were in Phuket when the tsunami hit. They were also about to go climbing that day when the guide told them to get down and run for their lives. So they escaped that terrible disaster, but I guess... There's no escaping fate. I'm sure James would have seen the irony of it all. He was a very jolly, mischievious person who always had a laugh up his sleeve. May he rest in peace, and may God give comfort to his friends and family and especially to Mrs C, who had to say farewell to the first and only man she loved in her life.

PAH!!

I'm feeling very pissed off now. I don't know whether to be pissed off at myself or my mother or NUS or just the whole damn world in general. Stupid stupid stupid STUPID!!!!! I think I really should just go and stand in the middle of speeding traffic and be done with it. I HATE my EFFING life!!

Illegal Web User

Ha!

I'm here in the NUS library now waiting for 2pm to come so that I can sell off stupid Paradise Lost to someone for $10. I was actually hanging out in the refreshment area (what do they call it?? Perk Point??? Yeah.. some perk...) reading my little story book of Greek legends when Romeo and Juliet decide they have to share a corner with me on account of there not being enough seats in the place. Then they have to start going all touchy-feely right in front of me and that is just gross. I think they were just hoping that I'd go away so they can just take over the whole sofa and start making out on it or something but I decided to 'ignore' them and stayed there for over an hour reading my book. But there's only so much mush you can bear so finally I gave up and ran away to the computers... Where I find that some silly Pakistani in a monk's robe has been there since I came in to have a look at 11.30am. Everyone else has had their turn at the comps and this idiot is still listening to his mp3 player and hogging up the computer. Well.... I should talk... Technically not supposed to be using the school facilities but hey at least I don't hog it for 3 hours.

Going out with Jemalelinh later. *cheer* Dunno what we're going to do sia. She ends class at 3pm so I still have to wait one more hour after I meet the last buyer for the day. Mebbe we can go Holland V and have a late lunch or a dessert. NYDC!!! Whoop whoop!!! I feel so justified nowadays coz I started losing weight again now that Shane's back on the job. Whahahaha. Dun tell him that. His head will just explode.

Filled up most of the applications liao. Just need to fill in financial details and I need to sit down with my parents to fill that up. Most of the applications I put down a preference for Biomedical Sciences or Biology. Surprised or not? I was quite surprised myself when I actually thought about it. But then I figured that since I'm such a closet nerd, why not? Really lah... I think I'm not as cut out for humanities as I thought I'd be. Anyhow, the cool thing is that if I actually get to do Biomedical Sciences instead of general Biology, I have the option of entering a medical school for post-graduate studies. Dr Siew Mai!!! Can you imagine? Hahahaha.... I think the world will just automatically destruct. Hirhirhir... Who wants to be my first patient?

Me Nerd. Dur...

Heh heh heh... Closet nerd. Hirhirhir...

My Life: The Soap Opera

Heh heh... Sorry... Haven't updated in a while. I suppose you're all wondering what's happened to me and my appeal and if I finally ran off to drown myself in the Singapore River. I didn't of course but I think if I tried I would have died of the stink before I actually drowned.

Anyway. I handed in my appeal letter on Monday. Actually I went down to KR first to bug Master about my referral but he was still writing it or vetting it or something. And he also wanted it to look more official so told me to go find a computer somewhere and print out a letter asking for his help. Maybe I hurt his feelings by going to Ms Tan first. But I also suppose it makes more sense to have Master sign the letter as a first-person writer, although technically speaking half the letter was written by Ms Tan. Master just added in a couple of frills and his weight as Hall Master. So I did all that and went off to the Dean's office to drop off my own appeal and told them I'd follow up with a referral letter the next day.

Back home, my mother (who, it turns out, is a friend of ol' Kuldip... or at least, they used to be colleagues in NUH... and has already been e-mailing him about my plight and pulling strings) and I continue to send e-mails to bug him. Finally he sends an e-mail saying that he will tell the Hall Office to call me as soon as the letters (referral and the CCs) are signed and dropped off, which to our understanding would be Tuesday morning. However Tuesday morning came and past so I finally called the office to ask if Master had dropped off my letter and if I could come to collect. They were dropped off alright... Just not signed. So diao-ded. So I had to wait one more day before I could finally hand in the ruddy referral to the Dean's office. Rrrr...

As if the stupid appeal wasn't giving me enough of a headache. I have to get irritating little year 2 lit girls (actually just one who's irritating) e-mailing me and asking how come I sold off the books they wanted and next time for Pete's sake tell them. *Roll eyes* This girl e-mailed me in December and I told her IF she gets the module and then IF she still interested contact me again. Unfortunately for her some other little girl contacted me first and since I hadn't heard from the irritating one I agreed to sell two of the books to the nice little girl instead. Then of course the fates have to play a cruel joke and irritating little girl e-mails me again. So I politely tell her that unfortunately two of the books are no longer available but does she still want the other two. Then she replies with her rant and oh alright she'll still buy the two other books (ARGH! CONDESCENDING TWIT!! HATE CONDESCENDING TWITS!!!!). Then she demands no less (in question form but the tone is quite apparent), that we meet up on Tuesday at 9.45pm AT NIGHT. *FUME FUME FUME* So I replied (this time not so politely but still quite more than she was) that I wouldn't be in school on Tuesday, much less at night but I'll be in school on Monday to meet other buyers. On hindsight I should have just told her to shove off and sell the remaining books to another nice little girl who asked for them. *SULK* Hate stupid little lit girls who think the world of themselves. Aronwy, you're exempted of course. You might be little but you're not stupid and you have a brain PLUS common sense. *Fume* Stupid little girls in their anorexic jeans and stupid outfits and horrible furry pens or notebooks thinking it's so vogue to be studying lit and quoting poetry. *FUME SULK FUME*

This is turning out to be quite an essay. But what do you expect when I haven't updated for so long? I need to make it up to my loyal blog fans. Wahaha... Anyway. Staring at a whole pile of application forms. Not sure how to fill them up exactly and kinda hoping that I really don't have to. Sigh. Wish my life would just come to a standstill right now. Then I wouldn't have to do anything, and there wouldn't be anymore headaches or heartaches. So far the only highlights in my soap operatic life of the last two weeks was hanging out with Jemalelinh occasionally and Nekoweenie's regular show of support. OH and of course there was that shopping trip with Phoenich. Well... More like I shop and he paid for everything. WAHAHAA!! But they were all for him lah.. I'm not some kind of cheap money grabber (not yet anyway... and even then I'd be an EXPENSIVE money grabber... hirhirhir...). I was just there as a fashion consultant. I tell you working in tiny little cubicles in Science Park and knowing only the route between work and home can do a lot of damage for a person's social life and his sense of fashion. Thank goodness I was around I tell you. HOHOHO!!! *gloat sense of great self-importance gloat*

Listening... Waiting... Praying... Hoping...

Jemalelinh came over yesterday to just nuah. We went grocery shopping at J8, bought a lot of prawns and came back to my place to cook. It was pretty fun and HEY! We didn't give ourselves indigestion after that. Then after that we sat around the TV room and talked and ate Famous Amos and talked and... You get the idea... Talk and talk and talk... And I think that the greatest thing that we did for each other was that we just listened as the other one talked. It didn't matter if advice was given or not. I'm really glad that this friendship was saved. I know that during the whole of last year, I was kind of... not there. But when I managed to find my way back, Jemalelinh was still there. :D I don't know why you stuck around but I love you so much for it. :)

I've written my appeal letter. So now I'm just waiting for Ms Tan to pass me her referral letter. I could actually just hand in my appeal without it but the referral would give my case a boost. E-mailed the dept head for an appointment but there's been no e-mail so I'm guessing he's not around. Probably on leave in the same happy holiday place that all the Vice-dean's are in. Sigh. You know what they say about harsh reality hitting you in the face? I got a bit of that yesterday when I checked the CORS website and found that they had suspended my CORS account. I think I was hoping that they wouldn't do that until the appeal period is over but I guess technically speaking I've already been dismissed. So there really wouldn't be a point for the system to keep my account active would there?

They say the worst part is the waiting. It's so true. I keep wondering "what happens if Ms Tan gives me the referral late?", "what if I finally get all I need and send in my appeal but it's too late??", "what happens if they look at my appeal and throw it in my face?", "what happens if..." over and over and over again. So now, I don't know if I should just sit tight, or if I should start planning my time-table for next sem or... I don't know. What should I do?

Repaired

Ok. Most of the damage has been repaired albeit with some changed headings coz I no longer remember what I originally called them and with some bits still missing. If I'm missing a link to somebody's blog please let me know. Seriously I don't know what happened. I thought I was just changing my "Daily Snow" comment and POOF!!! My entire blog has disappeared. Ah well... It's back now.

Sigh... Called up the Dean's office to ask when we'd be receiving our results slips coz I'd probably receive my dismissal letter then as well. So called to ask if I should wait for the letter before writing in an appeal or just write it anyhow. The woman on the phone told me that I can start writing it now, except that all the vice-deans are happily away on vacation and they don't know when my appeal can be processed. Sigh. I don't know friends... I really hope that I can at least finish properly in Singapore. I'm not ready to say goodbye yet.

D-U-H

Damn i am such a klutz... If you're wondering why some sections of the side bar have different titles or are missing bits well... It's because I actually managed to delete my template somehow and I can't remember everything I put there. So I am now in the process of repairing my blog, but the main body is up and so is the chatterbox. So carry on my good people. Don't let all the reconstruction distract you.

Return From Cat City

Came back from Kuching earlier this evening. Got a new Nike knapsack from my aunt, had my fill of the wonderful wonderful Sarawak guolong mee and ever-yummy Sarawak Laksa, a slightly burned face from walking one hot morning all the way back to my grandpa's place from the Dayak market.

Was really happy to see my grandpa again. Only get to see him once a year and I know how happy it makes him to see the old house get filled up with people again. There's always so much noise, I suppose it reminds him of the past. Apparently the local Chinese newspapers came and interviewed him earlier this month. They published his story in over two days in a ten or eleven-part series about people and events that affected the history of Sarawak.

I always knew that my grandpa was a really great person and I always saw him as something of a hero. But that two-part news feature really made me feel so proud that he was my grandpa. Of course the whole family also had a bit of fun translating the article, since besides my grandpa, my sis and I are the only ones who are more fluent in Chinese. As with most Chinese newspapers, there was all this flowery language which served to emphasize or serve as anologies as to my grandpa's achievements. So there was great fun and laughter as my sis and I ran literal translations of the proverbs and similies used, which made my grandpa sound like some kind of demi-god. And my grandpa, never one to miss out on putting on a good show, quite matter-of-factly agreed with it all, claiming all that the reporter put in to be "absolutely true!" Well... For him to actually be the reincarnation of the legendary Hua Tuo is a bit of a stretch but hey! We all had fun with it and he was greatly amused.

What really saddens me though is that even though my grandpa still obviously has a really brilliant mind (he can still remember his Japanese along with at least 3 other languages besides English and here I can barely remember my Jap... Not to mention all that history he's experienced... It's all in there in his head!!), his body is shutting down at an increasing rate. Last year, although he needed help getting up, moving around and with meals, he was still turning the pages of his newspapers himself and was still able to hold long conversations before getting too tired. This year I never even saw him lifting up the papers. His arms had become too stiff and his fingers are completely frozen. His ability to have a proper conversation is so stunted now because he gets so physically tired just from getting up and moving around the table. Sometimes we're all seated at the table with him and talking, and his eyes will close or he'll start to sink a little in his chair. We know he can actually hear what we say because sometimes he'll suddenly comment and it's not just the random mumblings of a senile old man. He really knows what we were talking about. It's only because his body can't physically stay awake for very long. I'm ashamed to say this but sometimes I look at him and actually wonder if this man was really once the same grandpa that would lift me and my cousins onto his shoulders and turn us upside down, even when he was already 60-odd years old. He did so many wonderful things in his life... He doesn't deserve to have to grow old like this. It's not fair. Sigh... But... Such is life. I just hope he can stay happy for as long as possible.

In other news, I also received my Christmas present from NUS via the internet. I actually wanted to make an entry on the day itself but was attacked by teenage cousins. The cousins aren't so bad by themselves, I quite like my cousins (except for one anti-social bottomless pit currently taking refuge in my house and one she-monster from my dad's side who is gladfully going off to Dubai coz her dad got posted there for two years. Muahahahaha). The problem is that the presence of cute cousins means the presence of an uncle who is in constant need of an ego boost(goodness knows why). Back when my brother was serving NS in the air force and my eldest cousin (the bottonless pit) was in the M'sian navy, he was forever trying to compare the two. Even now with my brother on study leave and my cousin working in S'pore, he tries to find something to compare. Last year he tried to compare me and my other older cousin who's studying in Illinois. If he had found out about my situation there would be endless condescensions. Huh... Aiyah... Maybe Nicholas can help you lah.. Even though he's in freakin'faraway-Illinois doing bloodyhell-Engineering that has forPete'ssake-nothing to do with your major but Nicky's a scholarship boy lah and he can help you... *roll eyes* Save me. My uncles from both sides were all married into the family and for some reason there has to be a weirdo one to balance out the nice one on each...

Anyhow I got 2 C+s, 2 C's and a Satisfactory for Genes & Society. Not bad, considering that most of my second year was filled with F's. But I don't think it's enough for me to be put out of academic probation. I needed a B average for that. And considering that this sem was my critical sem, I'm actually expecting to see a dimissal letter for the Registrar's Office any day this week. Don't get me wrong, I'm not actually giving up hope yet. Just this morning before I left my grandpa's house for the airport I sent an "Intent to Appeal" e-mail to the Dean's office. A sort of "pre-appeal" letter. Actually my mother helped me with it coz I was still half asleep. Heh... Then I forwarded it to Ms Tan (my Resident Fellow when I was in KR) and Terada in hopes of establishing a support base should I actually need to appeal. Ms Tan has already replied and thankfully has offered to give me any help I need. Terada on the other hand, is off on another one of his gallivants and according to his auto-reply system will only be back next month. Hopefully he returns before the appeal period is over. So Ms O8ight, don't go booking your holiday ticket just yet. You might find yourself without accomodation. Hahah. But to all of you who've posted supportively on my chatterbox and those who've kept tabs on me through sms... RJ, O8ight, Eskie, Nekoweenie, Jemalelinh... I wanna give you all a BEEG HUG and THANK YOU for just being there. It's nice sometimes not to be told what to do. *Big teary-eyed grin* Thanx.

Kaname Jun!

Hmmph... Since Nekoweenie claims that Kaname Jun only looks good with his hair covering his face and posted an example pic I shall post a pic of him without his hair covering his face. He still looks good ok!! :P:P:P

Psycho Siew Mai Strikes Again

I just realized that I may actually be over-reacting again. The last post sounds a little end-of-the-world doesn't it?? I don't know. Actually it might be me running away again. Running away from NUS. I'm always running away from my problems or from things I find troubling. You guys want to know the truth? I applied for hall stay to get away from home. I hardly went home because I didn't want to be at home. Not that I was really having any problems at home. I just wanted to get away from my mum's nagging, my brother's machoism, my sister's trying-too-hard-ism... Basically I was running away from my family's expectations of me. And now for an even harsher truth.

I ran away from KR.

My mum telling me to withdraw from KR is only half the story. I wanted to get out. My mum actually suggested that I keep the room but withdraw from all activities. But I knew that was going to be difficult. I didn't want to be there and face all these people who expected me to give them something. Like I owed it to them to do something. So I used my mum and my grades as my ticket out of KR. I ran away. Again.

*bitter laugh* I can just imagine the reaction of those 6F bastards if they actually knew. On the other hand, they might not care at all. All of them were just waiting for me to fail anyhow.

Ok yes. I'm turning psycho. Listen to me... Talk about paranoia. Although I'm not unconvinced that those assholes upstairs (actually mainly 2 of them) were good people who had good intentions. They were f***ing bastards and hypocrites. And ok I'm going to stop now before I churn out an even more psycho rant.

End of A Chapter?

Everyone who reads this blog probably already knows that I've been on academic probation and that this sem was my last chance to redeem myself. The only person who didn't know was my mother. I mean, she knew that I had failed badly during my second year, but I only told her that much at the end of last sem. She didn't know that at that point in time I had already been on academic probation for one sem. And it wasn't easy telling her. After that everytime she brought up the subject of my grades it became difficult to communicate. I couldn't talk to her about it. But somehow yesterday I managed to sit down with her during lunch and talk about it calmly. I didn't become particularly upset or anything. I told her my chances of getting off probation was probably 50-50. So she suggested going down to the Dean's office to talk to the Dean or one of the Vice-Deans. Said that at least when the time comes for real appeals, the deanery would have an idea of my situation already.

So I went home and called the office to try my luck. Of course getting a hearing with the Dean is never that easy so they told me to go and find any of the admin officers first. So with Aronwy's advice to get it over and done with asap, I went down to school. Nekoweenie came along to lend moral support and for that I am ETERNALLY grateful. It's never easy when you have to go face the people on top and beg for mercy. So we got to AS7 and I asked to see an admin officer for advice. But they told me that they couldn't really advise me on anything until the results for this sem actually came out. Still, I am thankful that the AO on duty went through the trouble of listening to me and trying to find someone whom I could talk to. And I'm so glad that Nekoweenie came with me. Seriously if you hadn't been there I think I would have just imploded in front of the AO's desk. *POOMFFF*

So the wait for the results continue. Though at the same time, I am considering finding an alternative path of study. Some things that my mum and Nekoweenie said made me wonder. I was quite amazed when my mum said that it can't be denied that I was depressed and that I obviously had a problem the whole of last year. I never spoke to her about it and yet she knew, even though she never found out the root of the problem. Then she said that she could never quite understand why I insisted on studying arts even though I seem more comfortable with logic-based or methodical subjects. Made me wonder why I did too. It's kind of true you know. Just look at my 'O'-level results. Then when I told Nekoweenie about it, she said why not go study something like mass communications? Popular culture and science technology all mashed together.

I'm amazed at how other people can know me better than I know myself. I always thought myself as some kind of artsy fartsy person. But I'm really just a geek inside. Even Jemalelinh knows it without my having to say it. But then you know a lot about me without my having to say it Jemalelinh.. :p I'm a mixed breed I guess. Hahaha... Anyhow I've been looking at Monash and Curtin Techological University. My mum seems to like Monash a lot. Though Curtin's got something called Internet Studies and surprise surprise, it's actually a Bachelor of Arts. Talk about cross-faculty discipline. But I haven't really made up my mind. I might still decide to go back to studying the life sciences like bio or chem. I should decide quickly though since most foundation courses in Australia start in Feb and so do the diploma courses in Monash College (which will allow me to go straight into second year at Monash Uni). And yet... I'd like to just stay in Singapore a while longer. So here's hoping for the best.

I hope.

"Why Must We Keep Fighting?"

Went to watch this Japanese sci-fi movie called "Casshern" with Nekoweenie today. I must say that I was very entertained. We both were. We were giggling almost throughout the whole movie. Not because the movie sucked or anything but more because the direction of the movie was just one big anime cliche. Seriously it was like watching an anime with live people instead of 2D characters.

Some typical sci-fi/fantasy anime characteristics:
- alternate future where the world's atmosphere is severely damaged and mutants/aliens/cyborgs/robots are taking over the world and humans have courageously managed to overcome all odds to fight and survive.

- Wars and battles all over the place between humans and mutants/aliens/cyborgs

- Enigmatic scientist who comes up with some wonderful new way of saving the human race.

- He usually later turns out to be slightly mad as well.

- Poor estranged son of the enigmatic mad scientist who also happens to be the hero of the story.

- Heroine that everyone will fall in love with and who believes deeply in the good of everyone and will eventually be the deciding factor in the battle of good vs evil.

- Enigmatic bad guy who only wants the end of humanity as we know it. In most cases we find out later that he's not all that bad, just pushed to the edge due to heart-wrenching circumstances.

- Bumbling/dense henchman of Enigmatic Bad Guy who is actually very kind-hearted, just on the wrong side due to unfortunate circumstances. Sometimes turns out to be the most insightful character despite having fewer brain cells.

- Hot sexy dominatrix who kicks ass, especially if the ass is male. Usually has little to say and absolutely loyal to Enigmatic Bad Guy. Doesn't question his motives.

- Hot sexy bad guy who kicks ass, any ass. Also doesn't say much. Second-in-command to Enigmatic Bad Guy and also very loyal. Also tends to tread the line between good and evil.

Heh. Ok. Must stop. If I say anymore then this post would be just one big spoiler and I might as well just tell you the whole story. Not that I haven't already nearly done so. When I said the movie was just one big anime cliche, i mean it is one big anime cliche. But I suppose if you consider that it is based on a very old anime that ran during the 1970s, you could say the director is actually staying true to the story.

That's not to say that the movie was a terrible one. After you finish sniggering at the cliches you realize that it's actually quite good when you put it all into context. Very entertaining and actually very very thought provoking. The title of this post is actually a line that the heroine says somewhere in the middle of the show. Although it may have been unintended (and since the original story was thought of so long ago, I believe it is so), there are numerous parallels that you can draw to the state of the world that we live in today. Stem cell issues, mindless wars, racism, religious discrimination and religious fanatism, environmental issues, our growing dependency on technology... The list goes on my friends. It's also a cinematographic achievement. Like "Sky Captain", this film was made almost entirely on a CGI background with a live action cast. Only certain sets and props were real. Apparently there's some debate going on about who did it first but I don't really know the details. Right now I am currently quite in love with the Hot Sexy Second-in-Command, Barashin (the actor's name is Kaname Jun 要潤). So hot. I seem to have this bad habit of falling in love with characters that are standing on the edge. Hehehe... I want to go and buy the soundtrack. The songs inside quite quite cool.

So do I recommend this movie? Yes, actually, I do. I thought it was quite worth it. Although my only advice would be not to watch this movie with live-action movie expectations. Go watch it as an anime, and it will blast you away.

Cool trailer: http://www.apple.com/jp/quicktime/trailers/casshern_large.html
Trailer translation:

http://www.themoviebox.net/movies/2004/0-9ABC/Casshern/trailer-page.html