Connectivity: Low

I don't exactly know when this started. Might have been yesterday, or it may even have started at the beginning of the week, or possibly earlier. Today, it just became very clear and very obvious to me.

I'm feeling somewhat disconnected. With things and even people that were close to my heart. There just seems to be something in the way, even when I'm right next to it/him/her/them.

I went back for Rag, just for the heck of it, and also because I promised Yow that I would. I'm glad I did, since I managed to see people that I probably would not have seen otherwise. Plus, KR won the Vice-Chancellor's Shield for the first time in 5 years and that's worth going down for. But in the process of catching up, reminiscing and having lunch, it became clear that somewhere along the line, the connection had failed. Of course, with people that I never had much to say to in the very beginning, it now became nothing to say at all (which I'm not very sorry about, in this particular case...). But with those that should've mattered, something was lost. I'm sad to say I felt a tinge of something similar during the latest MMM. Oh it was fun, don't get me wrong. Just that now... It was more like being an observer rather than an actual participant. I don't know.

I was asked a couple of times - by a couple of people - if I even managed to make any friends in my first year there. The truth is, I don't know. Classmates... Yeah, some I get along with better than others. My study group - we work well together during the term, but during hols... My flatmates? Sure, we were close (I think) but in a sense, we HAD to get along. Other Singaporeans or Malaysians? I had meals with them a grand total of 3 times in that 1 year.

Friends? The girls from Flat 3E aside... Not really, no. You could reprimand me and say that I've been somewhat anti-social. That I should try to go out more, participate more in their social events and take in more of their social culture. But I'm sorry. I just don't see the point in going out every single night just to get pissed.
EVERY.

SINGLE.

NIGHT.

I went there to get a freaking degree, not to achieve the world's largest beer belly, nor to compete in "How Many Spiked Drinks Have You Been Offered" or "How Many Marijuana Joints" competitions. And if I sacrifice a social standing by refusing to conform to certain "hip & happening" ideals, well so be it. I'm a low to moderate-level nerd and possibly a rather boring person. SO WHAT. Last time I tried being someone everybody wanted or expected me to be it didn't turn that well.

And if I lose certain levels of connection with people for being me... Well... We'll see how such things play out.